My wife seems to not want to get a job or her GED?

Question

I have been married for 7 years. The first five both me and my wife agreed that while our children weren't in school she would stay home and raise them till school began for them Well, as of 2 years ago, she was suposed to try and find a job and get her GED. The first year I figured, what the h**l, she needs a break, being a stay at home mom is truelly tough work. But, at the same time, she also said she would in all the spare time she had study for and get her GED. Well, guess what. Still no GED or a job outside of the home. Everybody knows the job market is tight. h**l, I know this and I am deployed to Afghanistan with the U.S. ARMY. Regardless, everytime I ask her how the GED tests are going, she finds some random excuse for why she hasn't gone and taken care of it. Then I ask about the job search, and out comes even more excuses about why she hasn't found a job. Before you ask, yes she has family in the area that would be more than gratious to help with the kids. I do not however. When I am not on active duty orders for the military I work 70+hours a week to support her spending habits and way of life she expects to have. Please, somebody help.

Answer 1

I think its hard after all this time with no career or training or education. I can imagine how frightening that must be. So I think a few things need to be done. You need to direct her to any adult education programs. In my area the vocational high schools have adult education programs - maybe she can take a class that she likes, just to get her confidience that she can learn something new. That is positive reinforcement - she can then explore what career vocations she may want to persue. These classes are not expensive. I also think you need to separate your money. I think you can work with your family and your division even being deployed as to where to send your check. Even change power of attorney to your parents. You need to inform her that you dont intend to be the sole supporter and there are things you want to provide for your children that would be better if there were more than one income. And let her know when you return you do expect to look into what she has been doing with the money. I must tell you, my brotherinlaw came back from being in Greece and my sister spent the money on her son's flooded basement instead of paying off bills and divorce court accepted that as grounds for divorce. So it wont look good for her.

Answer 2

First off, I'm a feminist and I am on your side 100%.  So forget about that chauvenism thing.  Men and women have equal rights and responsibilities.  It's unfair for one partner to be stuck into the role of having to make ALL the income, and it's also not very wise to put all of a family's eggs in one basket.  My suspicion is that it's been so long since she's done any academic work that she is a bit insecure about it.  Have a real talk with her about that - ask her what the problem is.  Also point out that, as sad as it is, there are no guarantees in life, and you could die in an accident tomorrow.  

Every adult needs to be able to provide for him/herself.  That's just a fact of life.  I'd approach it from that perspective, and tell her it's not an option any more.

Answer 3

Just get her a housekeeper en tell her to go out en get a job that can be better but not a job en no housekeeper no no  

Answer 4

takes an hour to get your GED

she's just a lazy slob

Hence her need for  GED. She couldn't get thru school?  that was the easiest part of my life.

Answer 5

I wish I had advice for you but I don't. When I was married we decided to be old fashioned and she stayed home with the kids while I worked 2, sometimes 3 jobs. By the time we got divorced I had "deprived her of a career" so she tried to get alimony on top of the child support. Keep your eyes open and good luck.

Answer 6

Why is it so important to you that she get her GED and a job?  She already has a full-time job at home, even if the children are in school.  Why are you expecting her to have two full-time jobs?  That seems very selfish of you.  

Answer 7

Your wife may be a bit insecure about getting into the job market and even getting her GED.  She has been busy taking care of the children, a home, you and anything else that comes along the way.  Do not discount her contribution to the family because she has no education or job.  Your children are very young (I'm assuming) and she may not find turning over their care to someone else regularly as appealing as you do.

Give her some time and at some point, she will most likely get a job on her own without feeling that she was pushed and shoved into it by you.

Here is another point to ponder.  With you in the military and not available all the time (as in deployed some place), she would have it all to do herself. It is very difficult to do things essentially alone and she may not be too eager to work herself into the ground - raising the kids, housework, homework, meal planning & preparation, getting the kids back & forth to the activities that will come and so on.  I know millions of parents are single parents and they do these things all the time, but maybe she is not so eager to stretch herself so thin.

She will probably end up doing this, but be careful what you wish for.

Answer 8

a GED is easy and you have every right to ask her to work and be a helpmate in marriage.  the kids are in school and she can get a GED on line.  look into local colleges where you live.

Answer 9

She is probably scared and anxious about returnng to the workforce and may have lost a little confidence in her self during the time she has been away from work. It can be extremely daunting to start something new and to even return to something that you haven't done in a while. I think you need to be supportive of her and try to take the pressure off her a little. Let her take the time to explore her options without feeling that she is disapointing you or that there is a timeframe on this. The fact that she is coming up with 'random excuses' as you say, I think really highlights the fact that she is grasping at straws and probably very freaked out about this. Her identity has probably become that of carer of you and the children (not financial obviously, but lover, carer and supporter), and to have to go back to the workforce probably takes that away from her a little and she is daunted at the task of trying to discover her new identity.

Answer 10

So long as you support her spending habits she has no reason to get a GED or a job. And FYI, GED studying is ridiculous....the test is basic knowledge. Stop supporting her spending habits, and she'll have not choice but to want her own money.