My wife smacked my daughter?

Question

She is 14 years old and sassed her mother. I was in the other room when I heard a slap and when I walked into the room, my daughter runs to me and tells me that she hit her.

I don't agree with hitting our kids and I thought my wife didn't either but then she did this. I was really pissed that she did that, even though my daughter was acting very inappropriately.

What should I do? I don't want to play good guy/bad guy with my daughter cause it's not fair to my wife, but I don't know what to say to either of them. They are expecting me to take sides.

Answer 1

i dont nessasarly belive hitting your kids is bad when your teaching disapline...im 16 and i was hit plenty of times and usually for the right reason, but 14 is way to old to still be hitting your kids...i ithnk u should talk to you wife about this, i think she may have lost her temper or something

Answer 2

If she sassed your wife, she had every right to do what she did.  Teenagers don't need to disrespect their parents.  I'd be more upset about what your daughter did than your wife slapping her.  You child does not know how to show respect and that is a much bigger problem.  Your wife simply gave her a reality check.

I do suggest talking to her about better options in the future since you seem to have an issue with it.  However I would likely do the same if I had a teenager that sassed me.  A teenager knows better than to be disrespectful.  You can still say how you feel without using disrespect.

Answer 3

NO Child should DISRESPECT THEIR Mother!!

Why do you need to take sides....you, yourself said, "even though my daughter was acting very inappropriately".

I'd tell her, That was NO WAY to talk to her Mother.."PERIOD"!

Take your Daughters side and there will be h**l to Pay!

Later tell your Wife how you feel, "I don't agree with hitting our kids and I thought my wife didn't either but then she did this" !

Answer 4

You don't take sides.  You tell your daughter she shouldn't have sassed her mother to the point she got slapped and leave it at that.  If you want to talk to your wife about the slap and your feelings about it you do that later and privately.  You weren't in the room, you weren't there for what was said, thus you aren't really part of it.  You tell them that since you weren't there, you aren't part of it, and you aren't choosing sides.

Answer 5

I see parents hitting their kids as discipline not abuse

Answer 6

I think you need to back your wife on this one but make sure to tell her you don't agree with what she did (in private of course). Sometimes a good slap in the face is the only thing that works. My Mom did this to me at about the same age when the bratty teen mentality started to settle in. It's a reminder that you can't act that way with everyone.

Answer 7

A slap is not abuse unless it is unnecessary force or if your wife starts to do it when your daughter isn't mouthing off. I used to get a slap on the face once in a while, it definitely made me straighten up...not like it scared me or anything...

Answer 8

hmmm i wouldnt be on either one of their sides. im against smacking a kid other then their behind, but they are both in the wrong. she smacked her when shes supposedly against it and your daughter back mouthed her mother. nothing you can do about it now, except let them think about their actions and learn from it.  just make it clear that both of them should not do what they did again i suppose. good luck.

Answer 9

Big Deal.  

Your disrespectful 14 year old daughter got smacked for being, well, DISRESPECTFUL.

And I'm willing to bet it wasn't the first time your daughter gave her mother a hard time.

Everyone has a breaking point and obviously your wife was at hers.  Good for your wife.  

Maybe next time, your daughter will think twice before "sassing" her mother.

Get over it already.

Answer 10

Maybe what you should've done was intervened when your daughter was backtalking your wife which would've probably prevented it from escalating that far.   Take your wife's side in front of your daughter.  Then when you and your wife are alone, calmly express your concerns, try not to go around blaming her because that will only make her defensive and get you nowhere, and try and work out a compromise for next time your 14 year old acts snotty.  Offer more help and a more meaningful disciplinary approach.

Answer 11

Well...I think in one sense your daughter deserved and it's not like her mother beat sometimes... I mean sometimes tough love is necessary.You probably may not agree with it but sometimes it is necessary. Your daughter needs to know who's boss because sometimes a little sassing can escalate to more if not dealt with properly.Then again she's at the age where this happens but still it's better to just deal with it.

Also you can always say you're not taking sides... however I personally agree with the mother's side.

Answer 12

don't say anything to the mother in front of the child. this will just show the child that when she does something wrong, she can get away with it because daddy will always come to protect her. talk to your wife in private and tell her exactly how you feel. that you didn't think that hitting your daughter was appropriate. be prepared to have an argument though, because women get on the defensive when it comes down to this, but it's better to try and resolve the situation now before it escalates into bigger issues. good luck

Answer 13

Well, even though she sassed her. It doesn't give her a right. She's only 14 and she's still a child. Your wife should talk with her about it. Not slap her,

Answer 14

Your daughter deserved it especially for sassing mom. She's lucky that's the only thing she got. If she was my daughter and I had found out she would be having a very sore bottom.

Answer 15

I don't agree with spanking/hitting MY kids either. But I'll get back to you when I have a 14 year old know it all in my face in 4 years and tell you where I stand then. LOL

Answer 16

I use to sass my mother all the time and she smacked me across the face once and it made me sooooo mad and upset but at the same time I needed to be put in my place... Sometimes (especially a 14 yr old) they think they are grown and think they know everything.. Having your wife show who has the upper hand isn't a bad thing and if it took her 14 years to smack her then I'd say she is pretty good and controlling herself and your daughter probably deserved it

Answer 17

Hitting is not always the answer, but kids didn't sass parents when they had to respect people.  Think for a second what would have happened if it would have been 200 years ago.  People always say we do things different for a reason, but look at societies problems now that everyone says talking solves all.

Answer 18

If you side with your daughter, she will continue to sass your wife because she knows she has daddy in her pocket.

She should not be sassing your wife anyway. If my sister or I did that to my mother, a slap would be the least or our worries. She should consider herself lucky.

Answer 19

Side with your wife or you will be in for some hellacious teenage years with your daughter, with her always pitting you and your wife against eachother.  Even if you dont' agree with your wife, put on a united front in front of your daughter.

Your wife I'm sure still doesn't agree wtih hitting your kids.  BUt you know what, she's human, and in the heat of the moment obviously lost control.  It can happen.  You should be concentrating on disciplining your daughter's inappropriate behavior.

Good luck!

Answer 20

parents beatings to their children is like giving water to plants ...........it is neccasry at times y make it an issue..............lolzz

Answer 21

If she was being sassy she deserved it .I mean abuse is one thing but series a slap never hurt anybody and I bet you your daughter will respect your wife more and not be so sassy now!

Answer 22

She might have needed that smack....sometimes kids just need one good smack to set them straight...I say don't say anything to the daughter and tonight address it with your wife when you guys are alone...who knows....your daughter might of called your wife something really nasty and disrespectful....if you wife agrees with no hitting than it must have been something bad don't you think?

Answer 23

i don't agree with hitting but you need to support your wife or this will get worse

Answer 24

As far as your daughter is concerned, you need to stand by your wife.

If you disagree, talk to your wife privately.

Even the best anti-spanking parents, have a moment of wanting to strike the child.  I am in favor of spanking but I understand that not everyone agrees.

Obviously your daughter pushed her mom to the limit and the smack flew.

Parents need to stick together.  Or else, the kids divide and conquer.

Answer 25

If she was disrespectful she should have gotten hit.But next time tell the mother to displine her in another way

Answer 26

Ok so talk to your wife about it, but stick with your wife, kids will push and push and will try to drive a wedge anywhere they can to get what they want, especially at 16yrs old, ok so a slapping isn't a good thing, but hey it could of been worse.

No-one is perfect ok so your wife mmade a mistake, but if your daughter was really pushing it, I can't exactly blame your wife for slapping her. and there are many more worse things she could of done.

You and your wife are the Parents so stand TOGETHER, talk to your wife and find ways to deal with situations like that if they were to arise again.

Answer 27

don't take sides.you say you wife agreed with not using hitting as discipline but she apparently felt it was a big enough thing to use it..i feel the same.. she thought it was necessary and it is already done with.talk to he and ask if it was a one time thing or if she is going to make this a regular punishment if it wa a one time thing then apparently it was something huge and she felt your daughter deserved it..if it is a regular thing and you disapprove talk to her and let her know you need to compromise and do something you both agree on hope this helped

Answer 28

Do not take sides. Your wife and you need to talk rationally about this away from prying eyes and ears of your daughter. your wife is only human and also your daughter is a typical hormonal teenager,these things happen,try not to make a big deal of it.

Answer 29

be on ur wife side.if u take ur daughter side she not going to get any better with her attuide and think thw world on her.

Answer 30

Now it's done you'd best stand behind it or she will see that she can divide you and that is not a good thing.

Just talk to your wife in private and agree that neither of you wanted to do this and agree to try not to do it again.

I expect she is as surprised as you are that she did it if that is really the first time in 14 years, but she did it and now you can either let your daughter learn to behave from it or let her learn that she can get you to side with her against her mother.

Answer 31

Sometimes a slap is the only appropriate thing to do.  But whatever you and your wife decide, you have to back her actions or your daughter will do the old divide and conquer routine.