My wife thinks this was cheating I say it's not?

Question

I went on hot or not to see what my rating is because she does not make me feel attractive, I would never cheat on her, but she doesn't show any interest in me sexually if we have s*x it's me always asking. She never approaches me and tells me she wants me. I know she loves me, but sometimes a person needs to be showed am I right or is she right and what I did was cheat. She thinks my objective was to meet a person on that site and have an affair

Answer 1

Stupid insecure lady, Of course it's not cheating.

Unless she made up a marriage rulebook,

that you don't know about.

Tell her how you feel,

and it sounds to me that she feels the same way you do.

A woman needs to feel like a Queen,

then she'll return the love.

Good luck.  

Answer 2

I don't think thats wrong because i never asked my husband for s*x he always asked it's not that i didn't want it it's just that i thought i didn't have to show it like that and that made him think that i didn't love him. I think you need to sit your wife down and tell her how that makes you feel and the only reason you did that was because she made you feel like you weren't attractive.

Answer 3

No, not cheating. But maybe she objects to you checking out other women's pics and then rating them. Talk to her and improve your marriage - you don't want to further alienate her.  

Answer 4

If you were only getting other's opinion, no, I wouldn't consider that cheating.  If you actually were seeking another person out for sexual interest, we all know the answer to that.  Bottom line - if it makes your wife uncomfortable, don't do it.

Answer 5

no that is definatlely not cheating. just try to explain all of that to her... let her know that u just need to be reassured from time to time and that since she isn't doing that for u, u have turned to the internet and total strangers who u have no intentions of ever going a step further with.

Answer 6

Technically, no, it's not cheating. But certainly you can see her point of view. How was she to know if you were just seeing how you'd rate or if you were actually looking but when you got caught you made up a good cover story. Sounds like you two have some issues to work out - you don't feel like she cares & she feels like you might want to cheat. There are definitely signs that this marriage is still alive - you just need to communicate better & build back the trust! Good luck!

Answer 7

No you did not cheat at all, you where feeling a little insecure because obviously your wifedoesn't notice you half the time so you needed some reassurance that you where attractive to someone.

She is in the wrong, not you.

Answer 8

Your wife sounds like she has emotional issues with you. On the one hand she loves you but then she dont want to love you.

It seams like she is settling in a way. Maybe she is the type that wants the guy to do it all.

Answer 9

she thinks you are cheating because youre wanting to know how attractive others think you are. she sees it as youre still trying to be studly and wanting to make sure others want you, because ofcourse youre wanting a "band of ladies to fall back on".

however, this is the real world. you love your wife, and dont desire another. but if she is not letting you know how much you mean to her, or how much she wants you, then this is a bigger problem. perhaps you two should be very romantic and go on a date. like the kinds when you first met.

Answer 10

It's not cheating since you aren't engaged in a conversation with a woman nor are you seeking another woman. Both men and women vote on your picture on Hot or Not.

Tell her that if she isn't interested in you, that she should move on. Marriage without love is not good and just a waste of both of your time.

Answer 11

No, I wouldn't consider it cheating but if my husband did that I would be upset and concerned like your wife is. I would think the same thing, that my husband was out looking for someone else. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel about how she makes you feel? Sometimes we don't realize it. Good luck!

Answer 12

You didn't cheat. Even if you did hope to meet someone on that site, you didn't. Therefore no cheating! Just tell your wife what you told us.

You want to feel like she desires you, that she finds you attractive. We all want that deep down. But of course you have to make her feel the same way. When was the last time you told her how special she is to you? And I don't mean just when you want s*x. LOL. You say you know she loves you. How do you know this? You two need to sit down and have a long chat I think. Hope this helps.

Answer 13

not cheating, but you do need to work on your communication skills and get talking, openly, honestly, and without anger. Tell her how you feel.

Answer 14

Just explain to her what it was and why you did it. Its so not cheating. She needs to show more affection for you and tell her how you feel. My boyfriend had to tell me. Lol sometimes women get like that.

Answer 15

going on hot or not isn't considered cheating. unless you were hooking up with another woman then you're in the clear. why don't you ask her why she doesn't show any sexual interest in you? it might not be that she's not attracted to you, maybe she's embarassed to ask or isn't someone who likes s*x (Rare but it can happen). the best thing to do is just to ask her.

Answer 16

If you are married then you should not be going on a site to see what your rating is. It's not really cheating, but you are deep down, probably  thinking about it. If you haven't already had a long serious talk with your wife then this is the time, tell her how you feel and that you need to receive love and affection as well as give it. Some woman think it is the mans role to make the first move all the time, this is not so. Men need romance too.

Answer 17

why ask a stranger.tell HER how you feel. what you did was violate the relationship which isn't attractive.dont ask a stranger. and is this your wife or girlfriend.the best things in life typically have nothing to do with s*x and if she feels thats all you care about then that is bad.you are right about everyone needing to feel wanted but that is not necessarily in a sexual way. if you say that you know she loves you then why are you not talking to her and asking us what to do. ask her.in a relationship communication is paramount.if you have no communication there is no lasting relationship.remember that.

Answer 18

i wouldn't see this as cheating, but i do think you shouldve talked to her about what you felt. my husband never compliments me like he used to when we met and i sometimes feel unattractive because of it i always say things to him to let him know i still think he's s**y. but its hard to feel s**y when your mate doesn't return the favor. you should talk to her and explain. guys have a harder time talking about things so writing a letter is also a way to organize thoughts and later you can discuss it together good luck.

Answer 19

As a jealous person, I totally understand where she is coming from at being mad.

I am not saying it is ok for you to do it, but I also understand your feelings too.

I can tell you from past experience, it may not be you and probably isn't. It is most likely how she feels about her self and so unhappy she just doesn't want to do it.

Has she gained weight for example? Gettng depresed? Anything like that? That really messes with a woman.

A woman needs attention constantly making her feel attractive. Without it she may slump and get depressed which leads to less s*x and things she liked to do at one point.

Answer 20

no you didn't cheat yet. its sad that shes brought up like that you  know what. she is sad cause if you died and she was alone i bet she would miss you and the miserable way she treated you. mine is gone and i loved him so much and showed him and if she does n't talk and show you how in the world are you to know i would tell her to get moving i know the old way is men do it first but when you are married its all for one an dyou are one so it does not matter.  

Answer 21

Not really cheating but very disrespectful woman can show how much they love there man without s*x involved maybe you place s*x in your marriage too high maybe time to consider the main priorities in your life.  Just stop feeling bad about yourself she married you right there must be something she likes about you.  Really most woman do not need s*x as much as most of us guys.  They rarely initiate s*x either get used to it that is what marriage is.

Woman jump to conclusions this is what they do if you have ever given your wife reason to be concerned about you cheating I would watch what sites your surfing.  Don't go s******g up a good thing.

Answer 22

no u just wanted to c               tell her y u went on .. i went on hot or not to see what my rating is because she does not make me feel attractive, I would never cheat on her, but she doesn't show any interest in me sexually if we have s*x it's me always asking. She never approaches me and tells me she wants me. I know she loves me, but sometimes a person needs to be showed am I right or is she right and what I did was cheat. She thinks my objective was to meet a person on that site and have an affair

Answer 23

Not really, though if you had discussed that with her beforehand and told her that that was what you wanted to do, it would make for smoother relations.  I believe that just about anything is OK as long as you are open about it, honest and you both agree.

Buying an extra chocolate bar behind her back could be considered cheating to some.  Its all about communication.

Answer 24

I do not think this is wrong at all. If my husband was to do this I wouldn't mind but if he was going places without me like an hr later or something then I think I would suspect something. but I don't really see a problem with this.

I would sit down and talk to her. I think she is just over assuming things.

I hope I helped

Answer 25

If it was not your intention to find someone to start an affair with, then you were not cheating, but you were definitely putting yourself into a position with the potential to be cheating. You've got to be careful. Every relationship evolves its own style and your wife may have just slipped into the mode of letting you lead off proceedings in bed. Now you want ot change what has obviously evolved into a less than attractive approach. That is why there is professional help or pastoral counseling. Get either or both. Even if your wife refuses to go to counseling, she'll realize how desperate you are when you keep  suggesting it.

Answer 26

personally i don't think it was cheating, but there are clearly some disfunctionality going on in your marriage (not to be rude), but to answer your question, no it is not, if anything it could just my labeled as insecurity

Answer 27

I feel you pain on that one. I think it would make her feel much better if you give her you log in information. Don't try and hide and she can't get mad at anything. Let her know what you feel about the way she is treating you and keep it at that.

Answer 28

You were not cheating.  Men like attention and reassurance from the opposite s*x.  It is good for our self-confidence.  This should be a sign though that you need to communicate your feelings and needs to your wife. Communicate, commmunicate, and communicate.

Answer 29

Was it your purpose?

You both kind of sound a little immature frankly.  I gather you're fairly young (20s?) and I think you both need to get on the right path of meeting each others needs.

The only way to do this is through communications.  Ask her directly why she never approaches you for s*x.  

To go on a site and ask other women if you are hot is like her walking into a strip club and asking a bunch of guys if they think SHE is hot.

Would you like that?  I think not.

Communication kiddo.

In the meantime put her pic up and see what the dudes rate her.  It might boost her ego.  She might even find a connection and that ought to spice up your s*x life.

Answer 30

dude why are you with her? she sounds really stupid.. haha

but yeah thats totally not cheating, so what if people think your hot on like facebook? thats not cheating at all, because you didn't do anything physical or like do any 'more than friends' emotional bonding.. hahah

and just let her know that, and ask why its such a big deal

Answer 31

I believe that whether you were cheating or not depends on your own intentions. If your intentions are what you say they are, then it's not cheating. This is something you may have to talk to your wife about. If she doesn't believe you, then she's not being very trusting, which would be it's own problem.

Hopefully she will understand that you had no bad intentions. Good luck.