My wife will not punish our son for anything. And if I do I am the bad guy.

Question

If our children 16 and 8 do anything wrong my wife wants to talk to them about it. She talks and talks and talks. The children understand that if they ask enough times they will get what they want. I on the other hand will talk once and if they are not doing as I request I send them to their rooms or ground them. But when I do punish them all h**l breaks out with my wife. She thinks I am so wrong. It seems no matter what the children have done wrong punishing them is out of the question for my wife. I am at my wits end because I love my children and wife but I believe her method is not working and it is not in the childrens best interest. My oldest is absolutly doing things that are very wrong but I can not punish him. Help.

Answer 1

O i have been in that boat and still am. But really you and i are allot alike we punish them and get all the heat and are made the bad guys it sucks. Then the wife gets upset because we did. Do what i do and turn to her if you don't like how i punish them then you do it. I tell mine that allot if she argues with you just tell her your tired of being the bad guy and punishing them. If she doesn't like the physical aspect i can suggest punishing them this way wake them up at 2 am and have them run do sit ups, push up and just run them in the ground they will complain they don't want to be up early and don't want to run.  then make them wake up at 6am every morning and just micro manage them for a while trust me it will set them straight.

Answer 2

Stand your ground, Dad.  Mommies always want to kiss the boo-boos (which is necessary) but dads need to balance that out with structure and discipline, especially with sons!.  If your wife disagrees with your parenting in front of the kids, she's undermining your Dad Authority.  Not good.  You may want to consult some parenting books or websites.  Maybe if it comes from uninvolved "experts" it won't seem like you're attacking her.

Answer 3

All in all it sounds like you are on the verge of divorce. There is fear in your words. If you are unable to confront your wife with the problem and come to a mutual understanding, what good will asking for advice from strangers do? Your marriage is giving you self-esteem issues, as you are afraid of your wife, and of being undermined in front of your children. I feel for you, but feel that you already know what it is that you should do.  

Answer 4

shs a good person but dnt go to easy on them or they could end up spoiled if you want the whole answer send me a messege im to lazy to write the whole thing right now

Answer 5

It is hard to answer this question without knowing all the facts.  But I will say that there is such thing as being too punitive as it is to be too lenient.  Children end up having issues in their lives by both extreme ways of being raised.  

One thing that is important though is that you guys do not express your disagreement in child-rearing in front of them, or they'll be more likely to undermine you both.  Regardless of how much you both disagree, you both need to show a united front in front of your children.

I think that a third party (a clergyman, or a therapist) might be more likely to give you the insight you need.  I'm sure your community also have classes on parenting and their styles.  This is not to say that you're right and your wife is wrong, or vice-versa.  But sometimes objective third party perspective can also be quite beneficial, especially if they are experienced.

My best of luck to you, sir.

Answer 6

As a family therapist, I encourage you, as the previous answerer suggested, to look into parenting books or if possible to seek counseling with a family therapist- you and your wife. The most important thing you can do for your children is be consistent- including you and your wife being on the same page. Also, think of "punishments" as teaching moments rather than punishments. What are you trying to teach your child? My guess is you and your wife just need to sit down and determine what you expect from your children and each other as parents. Determine what the rules are and/or should be and develop a consistent repetroire(sp?) of discipline techniques that adequately fit a possible infraction.  

Answer 7

Mom and you need to be a united front.

Chances are you are too strict and she is too lenient. There is a way to share your ideas and not have a conflict-especially a conflict that makes her the saint and you the bad guy to your own children.

She won't listen to you. She has no respect for your ideas.  She is right-and you are wrong. And you are right and SHE is wrong. This should have been resoved 17 years ago, but it is not too late.

DRAG  your whole family to counselling.  Your children need rules and boundaries. They need to respect you. Your wife needs to respect you.

You need to honor her love and care for her children. She needs to honor your rules.

You have been hassling with this a LONG time.

GET SOME professional help. If she won't go, go alone.

YOU can learn how to compormise, how to give your children boundaries without punishment, and how to get the respect you deserve. It is a SKILL not a god-given talent.

Otherwise, just sit there and let her raise your children. HUSH and go play golf.

You say that She is the lenient one, but you don't insist on your respect and for your children's future. SHE is the one you have a problem with and you are chicken to deal with it.

If you don't, then Bail your children out of jail as the need arises. It is NOT their fault..

Answer 8

Sit with your wife and tell her how you feel on the subject.  take a stand  in what you believe is correct.  your wife will see where you are coming from if she understands why you think they should be punished.  and if she doesn't than ground them any ways ....it is supposed to be more for the child's well being and  not so much making sure mom doesn't flip out she needs to understand that talking isn't going to change the behavior of a 16 year old ...your children are still young and can be corrected if you go about it in the right way... COMMUNICATION!!!