My wife x-boyfriend is a drug addict - and he continues to contact her. ?

Question

She has asked and I have told him not to contact her any longer. The guy is a Heroine addict and he has been in and out of jail. He has told me that he will kick my A## in a text message.

I really just want this guy out of the picture and he continues to contact her. He was last in jail in Connecticut - I was thinking about contacting the parole board up there to see if I can have him put back away.

Part of me wants to knock his teeth out but I want to smart and civilized and I know I can't get physical even though I know I could demolish the guy (I am about six inches taller and 70 lbs. heavier).

Maybe the best thing to do is just ignore this guy but I really feel like I need to do more than that.

Answer 1

I would try to get a restraining order to keep him from contacting you both.  Then if he contacts you he WILL be in violation of parole - he is not right now.  Then you could contact his probation officer with a real reason.

Answer 2

Change your number, and save the messages that he sent. If his parole officer won't help maybe harassment charges would.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, I have a lot of personal experience up close and personal dealing with a drug addict - my marriage of over 10 years ended when my husband got strung out on drugs.

Thoughts and recommendations:

Use of logic and reason only goes so far when dealing with an addict.  There is usually no logic or reason in their actions and behaviors, especially when they are strung out.

They can be dangerous - my ex was one of the kindest, most compassionate, respectful, and sensible people I ever met before his drug use started - he made it to age 30 without so much as a traffic ticket, and not because of luck, but because he was a "boy scout."  He ended up arrested for armed robbery and kidnapping.

They do not think, and when you talk to them, you often are not even talking to the person they used to be...you're talking to a chemical.  Chemicals have no feelings or reasoning ability.

With that said, I would recommend delving a little further into why he keeps contacting her, and how...

Unless they have a child or children in common, there really should be no reason for him to keep popping back up  So, is this a situation where he is really stalking her?  

Or, is this a situation where he was someone she cared about a great deal, and whenever he calls, she gives him -emotional support, encouragement, money, take your pick- in other words, has she actually made a clean break, or is she acting or behaving in a way that leads him to believe that contacting her is okay, or even expected?

If there is absolutely no possibility that he may believe it's alright to keep contacting her, then a change of phone number might resolve the problem. Once it's changed, if she is selective about who she gives the number, and advises friends and family that she does NOT want it given to him, that should take care of it to some degree.

If he cannot phone or text, that leaves him the option of showing up in person, or sending a letter or email.  All of which are easily documented and trackable.

Take out a restraining order if necessary, but don't escalate it to that level unless it is obvious that it's necessary, because if he's been in and out of jail already, I can assure you he will view any act of contacting the authorities as a personal attack - an attempt to "get him."

You did not mention in your question how long they were together, whether he was violent or abusive, or how long the two of you have been together.  All of these things play into this situation.  

If they were together a long time, and you guys not so long, he likely views you as a temporary inconvenience.  If he has a history of violence or abuse, then taking legal action is probably wise if he has given any indication that there might be a repeat performance.  

If you guys have not been together long, I hope this is not the case, but you need to make certain that she is not manipulating you by staying in touch with him, and then running to you to cry wolf when she gets upset.  This is particularly likely if they were together for a long time and if they stayed together for any great length of time while he was using - she may have been an enabler, and she may still be acting out that role.

Final thoughts...sounds like you are a caring, protective, and sensible guy.  Keep your head together, and let your smarts guide you through this.  Don't let ego interfere, because if she really is a victim in all this, and has already been through dealing with a drug addicted ex, she's relying on your stability and common sense.  That's extremely important to both of you right now.

Best of luck, and hope you guys are able to put this all behind you soon.

Answer 4

what you need to do is ignore him, he is looking to get a reaction out of you .and he is achieving his goal very well by the fact your on here ranting about it.Don't let this make you feel like less of a man or that somehow your not protecting her.Because in all reality this is just drama and if you were going to beat his butt you already would have.I always think it is cute when my hubby puffs his chest up and gets his feathers ruffled to defend my honor.The guy is a looser so don't worry about it.And ask yourself if this is making you jealous because if it is you shouldn't let it, she is married to you not him enough said right their.So stop letting this guy rent space in your head and just be happy with your wife.Try changing her cell number so he cant call anymore good luck.

Answer 5

Need a little more information on what is going on.  but to keep things simple find out where his parents live and his siblings.  Then go to where he is and get him alone.  Then do not make a threat but let him know these are thier names and where they live to leave you and her alone.

rd

Answer 6

Get a protective order and tell your wife that you are in danger.  contact the parole officer because drug addicts are dangerous and you are bigger, but guns do not recognize this.  don't confront him and endanger your life.  You have the right to be safe!

Answer 7

Why does she take the calls hang up on him or don't answer when it shows up on the caller id.  Better yet call the phone company and block his number.  Are you sure she is not flattered...

Answer 8

As tough as it is it really isn't your place to respond. Your wife must tell him to go on his way and be final about it. Change your cell numbers after she tells him to go away. If none of this works try looking into a restraining order. They can be usually good for two years at least. Ignoring him is unfortunately the best way as he will get tired/bored and move on. It doesn't offer you any peace of settlement but punching the c**p out of him is only a temporary answer.

Answer 9

I wouldn't ignore him.  He seems like he could cause you some serious problems.  I would go to a lawyer and ask what you can legally do about this situation.

The first meeting with a lawyer is usually free.  Then I would get an order to keep him away from you and your family.  The police will do that for you.

Never take for granted that someone with serious problems will just go away, after they have threatened you.   Look at the news for some of the consequences of people not doing enough to keep their families safe/However, do not do anything that would put YOU in jail.  Then who would look after your family.  You have to use common sense and restraint, otherwise YOU could be the one in jail.

Answer 10

Let him know that any further attempt will be grounds for a call to the police. Very plainly tell him you will no longer answer his calls or entertain his communication.

If he texts or calls record it and go to the police and record the harassment.

Once that is done contact the parole board.

Answer 11

Change your number and keep it unlisted. And get a restaining order. Those are pretty effective. And stop letting this guy have any control in your lives. Hes a loser. An addict and likes to spend time in jail. Why waste your energy on him?

Seriously take it to court.