My younger daughter is still in trad. school, but I want her to start cyber school next year like her sis?

Question

I am really not happy with the school's new teachers for middle school, or some of the things that have been going on with the way they handle finances and such(it is a private school). My daughter wants to continue going until she finishes 8th grade, and I dont. I know...who's the parent?

But how could I approach the subject with her and let her know the school isnt going well, without bad mouthing them or hurting her feelings? (she is 12)

Answer 1

Well, in this case, I'd say it's not a case of "Who's the parent?" but "Who's the student?"  If your daughter is happy and doing well in her current school, and she has no issues with it, I'd be reluctant to change it up over some issues you have.   It wouldn't be a good thing if she changed schools and started to do poorly or have difficulties or hated it.

On the other hand, if you can't afford the school anymore, or there is a serious, serious issue, then you just have to tell her the truth.

But, for an administrative difference of opinion, I'd seriously let her stay there if you could.  Cyber school is not for everyone, and your daughter apparently doesn't want it.  

I guess my thought on this is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.  Your daughter is happy and doing well, and I'd try to focus on that.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 2

The reasons that you have for wanting her to stop do not have to be the same ones that she is drawn too.

Why has she agreed that she will stop going in 8th grade?  Could you possibly build on those reasons with her?

When we made it a family decision to stop attending a traditional school, one wanted to and one didn't.  When it came time to talk to the one that didn't want to stop, I avoided close ended comments expecting her to agree, such as "it is a better curriculum", "you will like it more", "you will have a life", etc.  Instead, we planned some things that she would want to participate in, that I knew she wouldn't be able to if she was in school.   For example, with the money that you will save by switching out of a private school, could she take gymnastics, or horse back riding lessons (just ideas).  Could you plan a mid year vacation to the Epcot center in Florida?  

Plan something that you would like her to do with you as a family, and she will follow.  When she sees that the private school is limiting these other opportunities, she will be hesitant giving up what she knows, but will be willing to give it a try.

I only play the "I'm the parent" card when I absolutely have too.  My M-O is to kep the kids unavailable for the other stuff that isn't good for them.  As my older son has started making his own choices in life, he has naturally gone toward the right decisions because he knows that the bad decisions will be life limiting.

Answer 3

If the financial situation affects YOU directly as someone who pays (which it doesn't if the tuition hasn't gone up at all or has gone up as it normally would), then that can be reason enough to pull her from the school.

How much are your daughter and family actually going to be affected by whatever's going on at this particular school? Although I'm wholly supportive of homeschooling, I'm not sure I'd pull my own happy 12yo daughter out of a school simply because of some things I know (think) are happening in the background. If she's already in gr. 7 and there's only one more year to go and she's doing fine, I'd probably leave her there. If it's something truly illegal, then, okay, I'd have to tell her I just can't keep supporting them. If it's FACTUAL, it's not bad-mouthing because the intent is not to ruin their reputation but provide a genuine explanation. But I might look at other options with her rather than simply telling her that she has to do cyber school at home.

How to approach it? You tell her what the problems are. "There are some problems going on at the school. [list some things.] I'm not so sure it's a good idea anymore to keep you there. I'm worried about x, y and z. I haven't made a decision yet but wanted to let you know and to also hear from you thoughts you might have about it all." Then discuss it openly.

Answer 4

I had a similar situation w/my mom. Instead she wanted me to switch to a private Christian school which I didn't want to do because of my friends @ my current school & I'm also shy & I didn't want to be thrown in a new school to make friends. My mom let me stay @ my current school & I did fine. Funny now I'm in cyber school (trying it out this yr)

Answer 5

You are right, you’re the parent. There is a reason 12 year olds are not tried as adults by the legal system, permitted to drive, drink, and give sexual consent, smoke or vote. You do know what is best for her and you do have the authority to make the decisions you think are best. Authority can be exercised in a loving and respectful way.

     Just be honest with her. Tell her what you think and why. Just try to keep the over all tone of the conversation neutral. Right now she has plenty of time to get used to the idea if she is finishing out this year. Good luck to you both!