Nana died... how do I make 2 year old still remember her?

Question

My mother in law passed away on April 25th.

This is my 2nd marriage and my husband and I have one child together (aged 2 years 5 months) and I have 4 older kids from first marriage.

When "nana" first died, my 2 year old would still pick up her pretend phone and talk to nana and ask for her all the time. We just said that nana was asleep.

So it has now been 2.5 months and I realised that the 2 year old has not even mentioned her for over a month now.

I know this is probably normal but on one hand I think it is better that she is not upset and always asking for nana, but it is also really sad that she will not remember her.

Her nana absolutely cherished her and I want her to remember this.

Is there something I should be doing now that wont make her start asking for nana again or is this something I will have to do when she is older??

Any experience?

Answer 1

I'm sorry to say that she probably won't actually remember her nana. But you can help her know who she was by talking about her, showing your daughter pictures of her, etc. If you're walking along the street, you could put in little comments like "your nana loved those flowers" just things that keep her in the everyday, so your daughter is aware there was a nana who lived and who loved her

Answer 2

I wouldnt talk to her about it; she will probably forget the conversation.

Im sure she hasnt forgotten nana, but she is so young; it will always be a very faint memory.

xx Amber

Answer 3

Like the other one said keep a nice picture of nana in her bed room and get her to say night to nana every night before she goes to bed!

this is what i do with my daughter she is only 1 and its a picture of my sis but she does kiss the picture and say awwwwww! im sure it works!

Im sorry for your loss xxxxx

Answer 4

Im sorry for your loss.

But I remember [might sound cheesy] but I was watching Denise Richards 'It's Complicated' show and her mother had died, but they had someone make teddy bears out of their Nana's favorite clothing item and she gave them to the kids and told them that whenever they felt they needed to talk to nana or missed her that they had their teddy bears now.

Answer 5

keep her pictures around but she wont REALLY remember

Answer 6

My daughter was only 2 months old when my dad died so I know she cant possibly remember him, but its as if she does because i have lots of pictures of him around the house and we talk about him all the time. We have always been very honest with my daughter about death and she knows that my dad died and he's in heaven with Jesus. She is totally comfortable with it and so are we. Everyone has their own way of dealing with these things, but i think that showing her pictures and talking about her will help. I know it can be hard since as adults we are still trying to cope with the loss, but ive found that its actually helped me a lot too to look at pictures, remember good times, and talk about it.

Answer 7

show her photos and talk to her about her nanna and just say things like do you remember when and say something about things you used to do with nan to get her to remember

Answer 8

When me and my daughter say prayers together...we always tell Nannie hello and thank her for being our guardian angel. My daughter knows that she has her own personal angel watching over her and she knows that it is my grandmother who I called Nannie! She will never remember Nannie...but she will always know that she is with us always!

XXXXX

Answer 9

It depends with each child, but if you dont want her to forget about her nana then maybe you could tell her stories of how they would spend time together or stories about her nana's life in general, make it more adventurous so she would be interested and always mention how nana would think of her in each story so she feels included in her nana's life and wont forget her that way. If she asks where her nana is now, maybe it isnt quite the right time to bring it up given her age, maybe say she is on an extended trip and then break the news a few yrs from now when she is older so she better understands. If you break it to her now she might be too heart-shaken to even want to remember someone she cares about who is no longer there for her. Thats just my opinion. it really depends on the child's mentality. they are so delicate

Answer 10

Put some pictures up in her room, and tell her stories. She may not want to listen though, because she has a short attention span, I'm sure. My cousin passed a few weeks ago and we tell the triplets (3 boys, aged 2 years 8 months) stories about him, and how God needed an angel. We tell them God needed him. If you are religious, talk to her about how she's in heaven now, and talk about heaven and stuff like that. It is soothing. We also put up a few pictures around the house to remind us to think about him. Sorry about your MIL. God bless!

Answer 11

She doesn't have to remember her constantly for her to be a part of her history & her life.  

Just tell her stories, from time to time, about what she & nana used to do together.  And, let her create her own nana mythology that will strengthen her & make her feel that she has a strong foundation of love in her life, from the very beginning.  

My mom passed when my daughter was just 1 year old.  We tell her, now, from time to time, about how much grandma loved her, loved spending time with her & holding her.  That's enough.  That's real.  Her life went on from there & so does your daughter's.

Answer 12

Make her a memory book that contains photos of Nanna, especially if they also contain pictures of your daughter with Nanna.

You can turn the book into a story type book that can be read to your daughter.

Make sure that it contains nice things about her relationship with her Nanna rather than focussing on her death, as a two year old doesn't understand the concept of death yet.

Things like cuddles, going to the park, singing songs etc..

If you feel it is appropriate you could chose a star and call it Nanna's star to explain where Nanna has gone and why she can't visit or call anymore, this could also be added to the book.  The star can then be used for your daughter as she grows as a focus to unload her problems - by talking to Nanna's star, because Nanna will always listen.

Good luck, you sound like a very caring Mum.

Answer 13

I personally feel that you shouldn't force Nana into the child's memory. First of all she won't remember who she was, she's too young to remember her. Secondly, why do you want to make her go through it again? Maybe when she's older and can understand what death is that you can bring up Nana in the conversation and explain how she loved her so much and that when she was young even after her nana died she would still talk to her on the pretend phone.

Answer 14

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having to explain this to such a young child. I have a two year old son. It breaks my heart to think about it.

I would recommend, like others said, creating a memory book for your daughter filled with pictures of her nana, stories, and maybe find a nice poem that memorializes her nana. You could maybe even write one yourself. This would be great for her to have to remember her by.

Also, I have heard of things called memory bears. You take a piece of clothing that was her nanas and you get it made into an outfit that would fit a teddy bear. You give her the teddy bear and tell her that this is a part of her nana and make sure that she knows that she will always have her nana with her. She can keep it forever. I love this idea, and  I think that your little girl is at a good age for this.

I hope everything goes well. :)

Answer 15

Her attention span is all over the place at this age, when my husband died, I just kept a scrap book of pictures, and let my children look at it when ever they wanted, it would also be good for you to re minis of good memories of her.

Answer 16

talk to he or she about her every day show them pictures and if u do this enough they will remember i did this 2 my 3 year old daughter when her daddy died

Answer 17

First off and please dont take this wrong... telling them that she is sleeping at any age when death is involved can be scarry when they realize what death is... they might not want to sleep after that... For our kids great grandma who was very involved untill she passed on we got them each pictures of her holding them or doing somehting fun and put them in spechail frames and they have them next to their beds. We are not religious but they "talk" to her picture sometimes and tell her that they miss her and sometime every now and again will ask about her, we tell them stoeys about her all the time. They seem to know she is not coming back and still they can tell you about her. More from our memories then from theirs but still it gives them something from the time she was around! Good luck.

Answer 18

Well, I don't really have expierence from your end but, my Granny died when I was 1.5 years and so, I can feel for your daughter.

I really wish I had some sort of scrapbook of my Granny with stories of what kinds of things she did and  what kind of person she was along with pictures of her.

I do have her diaries...and that is wonderful to read her entry from the day I was born and my one year old birthday. I also have her Wedding dress which was bright blue and so small I could never wear it but, again gives me a sense of the type of person she was.

Just anything that might make her Grandmother 'come alive' for her. Also your stories as you tell them, she will remember her through those as well. She most likely will never 'remember' her because, she was simply too young...most people's memories start to be vivid at 4 but, that doesn't mean she can't find some way to feel close to her. Oh, and home movies...if you have them are wonderful to help keep memories alive.

I am sorry for your loss.

**Edit, I disagree that she is too young to be told about death. I grew up being told two things at such a young age, I don't ever remember being told it. One was that Granny died and is now in Heaven (or whatever you believe) and that I was adopted and what that meant. I respect my parents decision to be open and frank and answer questions as they come up. Right now, if you say "Nana died" it is pretty much the same as saying she is on a trip. But, if you lie to her and then amend that when she is older there may be some hurt feelings and resentment. And then answer questions as they come up and as she is curious about it.