Nanny - has different ideas about "safety"

Question

We have a fantastic nanny who takes amazing care of my son. She even makes baby food from scratch (of her own doing) and all our neighbors comment on how she's always singing to him, takes him for lots of walks, etc.

She has a few "old wives" ideas of things - for example, my older son caught a cold and she thought it was because they played in the water at preschool. But nothing that affects safety (she never put the baby to sleep on his tummy or rubbed booze on his gums or anything).

However, now I'm trying to gently convince her that my 8 month old needs to start eating chunkier foods instead of the extremely smooth puree she makes. In fact, I made some food over the weekend with some tiny soft chunks of carrot and potato that she immediately put in a blender and added liquid to make it smooth and even watery like soup. When I mentioned it, she said "Oh, it's healthier for him. It's too dangerous like that".

Okay folks YES, I am the parent and I have no problem enforcing my rules. I'm not asking you to tell me to suck it up and be the boss. My question for you all is how do you sensitively handle it when your caregiver thinks "your way" of doing things is actually dangerous?

Answer 1

Maybe she feels better giving him softer foods.  She might be afraid of choking and may think that she does not have to worry about choking as long as the food is like soup.

Answer 2

I was a nanny for several years and I understand where this woman is coming from. You should feel VERY happy and lucky that this woman cares for the well being and saftey of your son as if he were her own. Is it really worth upsetting or arguing with and then scaring away a great nanny over blended food?

I think there is a reason as to why she is being EXTRA EXTRA careful when he is in her care. Because if anything happened to him while he was in her care and you were gone... she would never forgive herself, you would never forgive her and she may also be looking out for herself as well as your son.

Maybe she has seen a baby choke before on the smalles chunk of soft food and she never ever wants to be responsible for that or see it happen again.

I think you should feed him your way when she is not around and let her feed him her way while you're gone. As long as she is not doing something that totally goes against your style of parenting that will actually effect his behaviour I think it would probably be best that you just let her feed him the blended stuff while he is in her care. As he gets older I am sure she will feel more comfortable giving him chunks.

Answer 3

Why not let her do what she wants to do when she's feeding him but when you feed him start him out on chunkier foods? If you want him to eat chunkier foods on a regular basis, get a food list from the doctor (this will say what foods to try when) and say, "I'd like to try a new food each week."

I will say, some people will say you're treating her like a mother and not an employee and that's true but if so treating her like an employee now is probably going to have a negative impact in the long run so do what you need to do but ultimately it's up to you what you do.

Answer 4

Well, if you know it isn't dangerous, for example, with the food...that your 8 month old is doing well with it..let her know. Maybe be feeding the child the chunkier food when she walks in, so she can see that it is okay. Or just simply let her know that he is your child, you love your child very much, and wouldn't think of doing something that was unsafe for him. Maybe she herself is just uncomfortable with something like that, sit down with her and feed him it with her the first few times or something, so that she is comfortable with it. Good luck!

Answer 5

Since she is responsible for your baby I cannot fault her for doing things on the side of caution. She is the one that will be blamed if something happens. Unless you said yolk only in the scrambled eggs, I would look at you funny too. Since babies cannot properly digest egg whites. As long as he is willing to eat the smooth food, I would not worry about it. Feed him what you want when he is in your care and don't let it get to you.

Answer 6

Yeah, this is tough because on one hand, she is doing an amazing job with him and is really only doing it for her own worry.  It is probably something that scared her when her kids were little or she just has always been worried about choking.

On the other hand, if you really want him to have the chunky foods all the time, you will have to lay down the law and the question is, do you really want to disrupt that relationship?  She probably will move on to chunkier foods soon esp if he starts turning down the goop.  I would perhaps continue to mention to her (even daily) that he likes this or that chunkier and not worry about if she purees it further.  For right now, he can do both and if he is happy eating both, then it really isn't a big deal.  

Now, if she still won't give him morsels in say, 2 months, then you have a problem that requires a firmer hand.  

Answer 7

I would just casually mention it to her next time. You could even say " Oh! We talked to his doctor and he/she said it's a great time to let him try out some chunkier foods! "  Or you could print something off a credible website and ask her if she thinks she could gradually work towards a little chunkier food. Reiterate how wonderful she is so she knows you aren't unhappy with her and that you appreciate how well she cares for your precious babies!

I hope this helps! I'm like you and try really hard not to offend someone, especially when they are so wonderful to start!

Answer 8

I do totally agree with you but I also think that you gotta pick your battles and it's probably not worth risking offending your otherwise perfect caregiver over. Ask her when she thinks introducing chunkier food is ok, if you can live with your baby not getting chunkier foods on her watch I would drop the subject. Give your baby the chunkier foods when you're with him and let her have it her way when she's with him. He'll be on to table foods soon enough anyways!

Answer 9

Just explain that the doctor said your son's cold came from a virus, not from water and that the pediatrician wants your 8 mo old eating foods that are chunkier so if she could blend it a few seconds less, you'd really appreciate it. She probably would see things differently if she thought it came from the pediatrician.