Natural / first / biological / birth moms ONLY, just curious?

Question

i thought that in order to better understand each other, maybe this would be a good chance to answer a question without feeling like you're on the defense.

1. what is it you want to get from this sight?

2. what is your adoption story?

3. what are information are you trying to acquire?

4. what have you learned?

thanks, best wishes.

Answer 1

I am a birthmother.

1. I got into this site, because I have many things to share about my experiences.  I just stumbled upon the adoption category.  Maybe my experience will shed some light for someone else.  

2. My adoption story - I first had my daughter at 19 yrs old.  She was born at 17.5 oz.  I was a single mom with no DAD in sight.  In fact, he had made a comment that she was too little too survive.  I got pregnant again at 23 yrs old (4 yrs ago).  I was a struggling single mom as it was, and again, my son's dad (different bio father than my daughter) already had a daughter he wasn't taking care of.  For the best interests of my son, I released him for adoption to my best friend's mother who I have known almost my whole life.  It is an open adoption and they actually wanted me to see him at least once a month, which I am not confortable with.  He knows me and will know I am him birthmom when he is understandable.  But I know he has a great life and there is no need to confuse it anymore.  

3.  I am offering my experience if needed, because i believe it helps me too get this off my chest and learn more about my feelings.  It hasn't been easy for anyone, but I am trying.  

4.  I have learned how people here are so bitter about their situations and it saddens me that adoption has a whole other side to it that most people aren't aware of.  

You mentioned about the rape.  Just to fill you in a little about me - I was sexually abused by my BIO FATHER for years - as far back as I can remember.  Until I was 10 yrs old.  My parents were even still married until I was 9 yrs old.  I have a F'd up childhood.  To make it worse, my dad plead guilty and still only got 3 mos in jail!  I choose not to reflect on the negative things in my life.  That is all we can do as humans.  We have to move on and not let things consume us.  I am sorry that the AP did that to you - that is complete BS!   I am sure all of us have been through a few different things in our life.  You are not alone.

Feel free to email me, as I have said in another question of yours.  Please!

Take Care.

Answer 2

http://www.findmybiologicalparents.com is a great resource for reading stories about re-uniting as well as provides a free registry for those seeking to find their biological parents or loved ones.  Also a database regarding adoption laws by state.

Answer 3

I am an adoptee and a birth mom.

1) I come lurking around to see if there are any questions I can answer or anyone I may be able to help from my points of view.  

3) I really just answer stuff...haven't had a reason to ask much. Both of my experiences were/are wonderful.

2)  I gave a baby up in 1986 - closed adoption, my choice.  If I wanted to be a part of his daily life, I would have kept him.  To me, adoption isn't a babysitter or 'rental' where I visit and only get the 'good' times...Either I'm a parent, or I'm not.  I'm not his parent, I'm his birth mother.  I carried him for another family who waited for him.  I know quite a bit about them and it has worked out beautifully.  If he chooses to find me, wonderful, if not, so be it.  This was/is the best path.  I was sad but not devastated.  I wasn't pressured.  Because I was adopted, it was a little easier to make this decision for him.  I do not see adoption as the horrid thing others do.  Both of my experiences, again, have been very very positive.  I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

I was adopted in 1969 at 2 days old.  Closed adoption.  I know some about my bfamily but not much.  My real family is wonderful and I've never felt left out or different or anything like that.  I'm very very close to all of my family (and its HUGE).

Answer 4

1. I'm here to remind myself of what the general public tends to think about adoption related topics.  In the blogs and message boards, you tend to get mainly members of the triad posting, but because the questions get listed in the bigger categories, there usually is about 5-10 answers at first of just regular people that aren't directly affected by adoption.  The reminder of what other people think can be rather frustrating, but it is still a good reminder in how much adoption reform has yet to go.

2. My adoption story is rather long, and to sum it up rather dehumanizes the complexity of the situation.  I will try nonetheless though.  I was 18, my boyfriend (now husband) was 21.  We had an unexpected pregnancy and because of an amazing amount of pressure and drama, we bought into the idea that placing our child for adoption was something positive.  We really believed when people would say our lives would just go on after our child was born like it did before.  Thankfully the grief and outside pressure didn't wreck our relationship and we made it through still intact.  Our son is 11 years old, and the adoption is semi-closed.  We exchange pictures twice a year, and while he knows he is adopted, he knows nothing about his family of origin.  It is not what we had originally agreed upon, and consequently I am now very protective of other mothers like me.

3. Same answer as number one.

4. I've learned that the best answer I can give tells it like it is.  If I am offended by a question, I need to say so.  I've learned that the whole thumbs up thumbs down really doesn't pertain to my answers.  I've learned that many times people want to hear the answer they already want to hear, and not the answer that needs to be given.  AND!  Sometimes there is no reasoning with people who use their question as a soapbox.

Answer 5

1) to just talk to other firstmoms who have walked in my shoes

2) in a relationship, got pregnant, thought about her and chose this life in h**l.  It should be an open but her parents are not honoring their side.

3) Just to see how foolish and how the stereotype of the bad/druggie/alcoholic first moms is alive and well because noone listens and learns.

4) that the stereotype is alive and well and people refuse to listen to others and only believe that their story is the best.

Answer 6

1. i wanted to talk to other birth moms about it.

2. i havent given him up yet, im 31 weeks pregnant but i'm already missing him knowing this is it.

3. just general how people feel about it and hear other stories.  sadly there are alot of bad stories which is making me scared.

4. i have learned that people can be very scary sounding on this forum.

thank you for posting this question now i can read stories from one page instead of searching.

Answer 7

1.  Nothing.  I like to try and help others understand the birthmother's view.

2.  Why would you ask this?  Most of the stories are far too long to post like this.  It's not just some short story that can be summed up in a few words.

3.  None.  Got all I needed 24 years ago.

4.  That there are people who think that adoption "stories" are easily summed up.  There are people who have no idea what adoption entails for the birthmother, the a-parents, or the adoptee and don't care to know facts.

Answer 8

although i changed my mind and caused a "failed placement/adoption" i do think my experience (one that's often marginalized and vilified) has merit.

1. full disclosure, parity and equality in the entire discourse of adoption. i also want to defend those women who "caused failed adoptions/placements." we are not "scammers" or "selfish"; we are young women whose love for our child ranked higher than the needs and desires of a non-related entity. i also wish to serve as a contrary voice to the "just go and place your baby" banter; and allow young pregnant women to know that their situation is most likely, temporary.

2. i was 18.  i got pregnant. my bf and i were in a very turbulent relationship.  my parents were concerned that i would not finish college and would end up poor and on welfare like so many other girls who had babies young. they encouraged me to make an adoption plan.  i was matched to an infertile couple. after enduring the manipulation and coercive tactics of the adoption agency and the agony at the thought of losing my baby, i begged my parents to not make me give up my son. they supported me. and today his is a feisty, self-absorbed 16 year old, whom i could never imagine my life without.

3. perspective on all sides of adoption.

4. that there are people who understand my situation, and respect it as valid to the adoption discourse.

Answer 9

I don't know that I want to get anything out of this site. I stumbled across it one night and just started responding. I guess I seek understanding for natural moms and adoptees and the chance to put a face to the pain. My adoption story is one of lies and dishonesty. I know my son's parents would honor the open adoption plan if they had the choice, they don't as they are an emergency foster home and were his foster parents. The government is cold and cruel. As for information I guess I am looking to find ways to support others who share similar stories and find ways to promote reform in the adoption industry. I have learned that every story may be unique but the emotions are universal.

Answer 10

I'm about to put my baby up for adoption. I'm only a month and a half pregnant. I'm 15 and can't take care of a baby so I want to give my baby a better life. I'm scared because I want to keep in contact but i know it doesn't always work out htat way.

Answer 11

Im sorry your question states... biological moms/birth moms only- why is there a question on whats your adoption story?!

OH.. ok sorry, I was misunderstanding the whole question.. you wanted to hear from the biological mothers that placed their kids up for adoption! alright got it now.. sorry its not me.. but i have a friend that did.

she adopted her son out to a couple friend of theirs that couldnt have kids. so I guess that would be an open adoption. She takes it really hard still because she obviously loves him very much and Im sure seeing him all the time hurts! but it was best on her and her husbands relationship.

(hope that little story of my friends life redeemed the fact that I answered a question that wasnt intended for me!)

Answer 12

I am a Mom to 3, and birthmom to one.  I already had my three children, one is severly handicapped.  My marraige of 7 years fell apart and I was left alone to raise my children.  A year later I found myself pregnant.  I couldn't handle another child (yea, I should have thought of that before, but it happened)  I looked into open adoption and found a wonderful family through a friend.  I wanted it to be a private adoption, not going through an agency.  I felt it would put the aparents at ease, knowing this was the choice I wanted, and I knew they were going to make great parents.  Nearly 7 years later, I have never been allowed to see him in person.  I send a Christmas card, and a small cross for his birthday.  His mother sends me a picture once a year.  It's not at all what I had expected, but I'm understanding at her fear of loosing him, even after all this time.  One day she will be comfortable letting me see him, until then, I'll continue on as I have.

I read through these questions because I want to educate others about adoption.  I'd say I've learned there are many out there that are cruel, but I knew that already.  I've had to defend my choice to many many people.

If I had to do it all over again, I would.  I wouldn't change a thing.  I know my bson is happy and very loved.  I also know that even though I'm on my feet now and have life by the horns, I would not have been a good mother to this little boy.  I'm still a single Mom, and my stresses are mine alone to bare.  I don't think I could take the stress of one more child.  I knew my limit, and am proud that I had the courage to do the right thing!

Answer 13

I gave up my son 33 yrs ago. Made contact with him 2 yrs ago. Havent seen him since. We got on really well at meeting, talked all night. He had a breavement in his family shortly after, I figure he is trying to cope with that , maybe he will make contact again.I feel fine that we met, but I would like to see him and his 4 children again.