Natural mothers who chose adoption...?

Question

I respecitvely ask this knowing that this is a very sensitive and personal matter. I am an adoptive mom and have never been in your situation. I never judge the decision to make an adoption plan or not. Although I am pro-ife and pro-adoption, I do believe abortion is murder. But, the fact about this world is that many do not think of it that way and it's not breaking the law to do it right now. Anyway...

Did you chose the adoptive family before your child was born or after? Would you have minded if your freedom of choice was taken away from you? How would that have altered (or not) your decision regarding adoption, parenting, or abortion?

Answer 1

I looked at family profiles when I was pregnant with my second child. I did not meet with any. With my son I met his adoptive parents 3 months before I relinquished. It would not have made a shred of difference if that  was taken from me. In the end I loose a child, no matter when I decide who should be mommy and daddy. It could not have altered anything since I didn't choose adoption, adoption chose me.

Answer 2

My daughter was almost 2 weeks old before I met them.

Answer 3

I pre-matched with my son's parents before he was born.  In fact, I was hard sold on them while at a doctor's appointment, and met with them for a pre-match meeting before I was given any counseling.  The counseling I received was done in a matter of an hour after that meeting, and after that I was officially matched with them.

The whole process was coercive.  Knowing the details of their previous attempts of adopting was coercive.  As soon as I was matched I felt like I was an incubator for another family.  Well loved and appreciated incubator, but an incubator none the less.

They attended the birth because I requested it, and because I didn't know better.

It has nothing to do with freedom of choice.  Pre-birth matching is coercive even in the best of circumstances.  If a woman is serious about adoption and relinquishment, than she can match after birth.

Answer 4

I will be blatantly honest.  When I found out I was pregnant, my marriage was falling apart.  I wanted an abortion, but I knew my husband would never help me fund it.  I had no family nearby and no support, just him and my then three year old daughter.  Even tho he refused to help fund an abortion, he insisted that the "baby" was not his (I'll stand by a DNA test anyday).  By the time we split and I was back with family, I was too far along for my own moral standing to obtain an abortion.  I juggled with everything for about four and a half months before I contacted a lawyer to prepare an adoption plan.  I did a pre-birth match.  While, I did not want her at all when I first found out I was pregnant, my thoughts did eventually change, but I knew I was not ready to handle a second child.  So, I did have limited options.  I chose the next best path, but there are times when the pain is so great that I wish that I had found a way to spontaneously abort.  Would I have minded if my freedom of choice was taken?  It pretty much was.  It was either raise the child or relinquish.  If someone had forced me to parent her as well, I don't know what I would be like.  I love her, I miss her, but I know there was no way I was emotionally prepared for a second child.  And it was not going to be fair for her to be raised by daycare (I work all day, older daughter only sees me a few hours total at the most).

Answer 5

I had  abortion. i took it hard but I think I made the right choice. I would be no where right now. I am now married and have a child of my own.

Answer 6

I had no choice in the family, infact she spent the first 6 weeks at the agency with casts of her legs, waiting for someone to want her. We had no idea of course.