Naughty kids..how do we help them?

Question

today I had a child shopping with me, she squirting water in a clothes shop from her drink bottle, after asking her not to do it she continued, I removed the bottle and gave it to assisstant to throw in bin, she went mad, refused to leave store, I left and waited outside, 7 mins later she came out, saw me waiting and ran back in the shop! I went in took her hand and brought an unwilling child out, you can imagine. She screams and throws herself in front of shoppers shouting I want my bottle leave me alone, I decide shopping isn't going to work today and tell her we are going home, she gets worse, refuses to get up and then tries to go in the opposite direction when I get her up. I am in a busy mall and can't afford to lose her. I catch her 'hoody' she unzips it and runs again, I catch her top and hold onto jeans, she screams I'm giving her a 'wedgy', I hold the bottom of the t.shirt and she starts stripping it off. What should I have done? how would you handle this?she is 7yrs old,help

Answer 1

Wow this is bad! I have 5 children and have NEVER seen them act like this. Honestly, I would have said "Oh look, the store manager is coming. He is mad he's probably going to call the police. Do you want to have to go to jail?" Anything about the police usually scares my kids. If that didn't work, spank her bottom. I'm serious. It's rare I do it, but I will in that type of situation. If you don't want to in front of everyone, then just walk away, she will follow you.

Oh, and if it isn't your child, then you can do nothing. Just no more shopping next time.

Answer 2

This child appears to be in need of both boundaries and discipline. I wouldn't take her shopping again until I had made her aware of my expectations regarding her behaviour and the consequences of misbehaving. Discipline should be firm, fair and consistent. If there's little or no discipline at home you will have an uphill struggle. I hope you told her parents how she behaved. I suspect I may have smacked a child behaving in such an unacceptable manner.

Answer 3

This is a toughie

My daughter (now 17 thankfully) used to be like this and I had to instill longer term punishments. e.g she would have no telly for a week (even had to hide the remote control the little minx) this worked really well and I am pleased to say she is now a well rounded happy (semi) adult!, from the way you have worded it tho' I guess it's not your child. If this is the case then there really isn't a lot you can do as it's the responsibility of the parents and so all you can physically do is avoid situations where you know the child will play up and inform the parents of the problem.

I really hope this has helped and good luck, children can be a joy.....but also a complete nightmare!

Answer 4

How embarrassing and stressful you must both be exhausted!

I'm so pleased you said 'help'.

If the child isn't yours then there is realistically very little you can do except not take them shopping.

If it's your child this behaviour must have been building up and you need to speak to your GP and the child's school and enlist as much professional help as possible with strategies to cope and retrain how you both react. Good luck

Answer 5

She needs discipline and when you do discipline her, you need to tell her exactly why you've done it.

The discipline should be something like sitting on a 'naught step/ naughty mat' where the kid has to stay on there  on the amount of time consisting their age.

If they are 5, they have to stay there for 5 minutes.

If they are 8, they have to stay there for 8 minutes. etc

and if they get off then you have to put them back onto it and tell them that their time starts all over again.

example:

A misbehaving 6 year old sits on the naughty mat for 4 minutes and decides to get off and go in a tantrum, when their parent brings them back, their 6 minutes starts again and the kid is told this to help to prevent them from walking off and off.

No matter how many times they get off, you must bring them back and start the time again and tell them.

After they have succesfully sat on it for their age time required, you ask them why they think they're on the naught step/mat and until they give the right response (they will probably burst into tears at this point), you must need them to apoplogize and say sorry, you must tell them to say sorry in a normal toned voice and you must be at their face level so they can look at you directly in the face.

After they apologize, give them a hug and a kiss and then they're punishment is over.

After this routine has been in place for a couple of days, the kid should start to think before they misbehave.

Then evntually, over time, the should realise and start not to misbehave!

x

Answer 6

7 years old?!!!    This child is out of control.  She is way too old to be behaving in this manner.    

First, you should not leave her alone in the store for 7 minutes.   It is not the store's responsibility to babysit her, so what are they supposed to do with an unattended 7 year old throwing a temper tantrum in their store?   They are likely to call the police, which would be a complete mess for you to deal with on top of everything else.

If she's not yours, I would call her parents immediately, tell them she is out of control, and tell them they need to come and get her immediately.  After that, I would not allow her to accompany me on any outings for at least a month or more.  Also, the child would be banned from my house for at least a week, unless her parents were present, for the same reasons.  Any child who is with you, without their parents, must respect your authority.   It isn't safe, otherwise.

If she's yours, then there are some things you can do.

For immediate action, her privileges should be severely restricted.  Tell her that her behavior in the store was completely out of control, and that you cannot allow her to go to a friends house or go out to public places, because you cannot trust her to moderate her behavior in public or when you are not there to deal with it.  Put her on severe house arrest for several days to put the point across.    Turn off the TV and video games, give her plenty of chores to do, and let her figure out how to amuse herself.    If she wants privileges, she must ask nicely, say thank you, and if she starts to whine or complain or argue, the privileges are revoked, the TV goes off, and she gets some chores to do.  You might also have her write an essay about her behavior, and assign her some pushups when she gives you any trouble.   Just tell her to "drop and give me fifty".

Also, watch some of what she's watching on TV.  If it has sassy disrespectful brats, then don't allow that show.  There are some real inappropriate role models on some of those disney TV shows.

This did not happen overnight.  She has been getting away with little things over a long period of time to get to the point that she will behave like this.  She needs someone to help her understand that she is not in charge.   She'll actually be a lot happier when she understands this.  In olden days, a good smack across the behind might have helped to get her attention.

Answer 7

well lets see if i would of done that my ant would of took me by the ear into the womens bathroom put me on the changing table put me in the diaper postion pulled off my snadles and undies and pants and would off spanked me with my sndle till i cryed and my butt was red

Answer 8

wow how embarrassing.

i would say dont take her shopping again

is she ur child? if u were just babysitting id say next time just stay at home with her or dont babysit again till shes better behaved

if shes ur child, u need to disapline her properly at home, when she throws a tantrum make her sit in the hall or in the corner facing the wall. take toys off her when she naughty and throw them out, no sweets or treats

Answer 9

seven is too old for this behaviour.

if it's your child, you need to work on discipline methods within and outside the home.

if it's not your child, you need to explain to the parents that their daughter's behaviour is unacceptable and that they must work with you to correct her.  you will need to install a set of consequences whereby she knows that if she cannot behave herself things will happen which she does not like.

all of that discipline will take time to be effective; in the meantime, however:

whenever i have found myself in a situation like that with a kid where there is a clear safety issue involved (she will run off and get lost or worse in a crowded public place), i would turn the child around so they are facing away from me (she cannot then kick me or hit with any force), and then physically restrain them with an arm around the waist (or around the chest pinning both arms down if required).  i would then hold the child in this position and speak calmly in her ear - regardless of whether she's screaming or struggling - explaining that i will not let go until i can be assured that she will not run off.  you may need to repeat this several times until she becomes calmer.  I would also tell her some of the potential consequences to her being lost.

if it's someone else's kid you can just tell the parents you refuse to be put in that situation again and insist that they discipline the child adequately and teach her to respect authority - but be clear with them that it's not just because she's a "bad kid", it's a failure on their part to be firm with her.

if it's your kid, the same applies, except that you have to do the disciplining yourself.  give a warning that there will be a consequence, and implement that consequence without backing down, in public or in private.  don't worry about what other people are thinking while she pitches a fit in public, just assume that anyone with any sense will see you're disciplining a child who clearly needs it, and that they won't judge you negatively for it.

most of the seven-year-olds i've looked after or taken out have been still small enough that i could pick them up bodily and physically carry them out of the situation if necessary - i make no apologies for doing this with children who display extreme behaviour in public, but having said that, i will use restraint only, and in a way that the child will not be hurt if they stop struggling, and i NEVER strike or otherwise behave aggressively towards a child.  grabbing clothes is fine as an emergency method of stopping a child running off, but a closer hug-type restraint is much more effective for diffusing a situation and less likely to damage either the clothes or the child (also, as i'm sure you've noted, you don't end up with handfuls of discarded clothing this way!).

in general whilst out, you should reward good behaviour ("you've been really patient while we've been shopping - would you like an ice cream?"), and be sure that you ignore bad behaviour which is at a tolerable level, and punish unacceptable behaviour with denial of treats, time out on a park bench etc.

threatening to refuse future trips out should not be used as a punishment unless you intend to carry it through and actually not take the child out.  at seven, i HATED shopping, found it boring and stressful, and would rather do anything else, just about, so when mum said that i wouldn't be allowed on future shopping trips, my response was generally to shout "GOOD!" and continue misbehaving.  it was never a threat i could take seriously anyway, as i was well aware that the reason my sister and i were out in the first place was because my mother couldn't arrange childcare.

my good behaviour was always much more successfully procured by threatening to stop my pocket money if i didn't belt up.  these threats were always implemented and so i believed them and sorted myself out.

just remember that you are the adult and ultimately the power in the relationship should rest with you.  it's a battle of wills in this situation, and as you are older and more experienced, you will be the winner.