Nearly surprise wedding?

Question

I am not sure if this is possible, I know it can't be a complete surprise like your getting married in the morning but plan to announce the arrangement as a Christmas pressie for a month later wedding. Thus giving my fiance enough time to purchase her necessities. My questions are can I do this with both a civil and church wedding - does the bride have to be there at day one. Can I basically organise everything bar the dress and rings and then do the notice thing within the month prior.

Answer 1

The only thing you really need to worry about, and you would need to check this out with your local register office, is getting the licence and how long it takes...I thought it was 6 weeks but I might be wrong.  For this you both have to attend a meeting and provide the necessary birth certificates etc to prove who you are.  You would both have to attend the church and see the minister so this also rules out a `surprise` as you will be asked questions about married life etc, the Civil ceremony would be the easiest to organise.

It can take 10 weeks to get a wedding dress from a boutique, but off the rack is possible and ebay (made to measure from China) usually takes 4 weeks.  Think about how she would feel about this as she might still be carrying baby weight if you want to do this so soon after the birth, this might not be what your future bride wants and she might want to wait a while.

I really would consider allowing your future wife the opportunity to chip in with her views.  Its only August and although I understand that she is looking forward to the birth, she is a woman and would be able to mulit task, even if that is only organising you and getting you to book the venue, invitations, date etc. She can do a lot of this sat down with the phone, and might only get more stresses if the option is taken away from her.

Answer 2

Lolly K is incorrect about being present for the banns reading and you only need classes if it's a Catholic wedding.

Answer 3

I husband prebooked the register office and then gave me the surprise, that we were getting married 3 weeks later. I then had to go to the office with him to organise the paperwork etc. I am not sure if this is possible with a church wedding, but would have thought it could be done. He took 2 days off work and we basically got everything organised it that time..

Answer 4

for a civil wedding this would be possible as you have to give register your intent to marry at least 16 days before your wedding day. you both have to be there to register your intent. good luck.

Answer 5

Are you sure she's going to want to marry you?  Big disappointment all round if she goes EEK and says no.  If you are sure this is what she'd like (she's got a lot of planning, dress etc to do in just 4 weeks) then go ahead.  If it's just you having a great idea because YOU want to marry her, then remember this will put loads of pressure on her - especially if you propose in public.  She may say yes because it's Christmas and there's an audience watching the pair of you and then give you a private no later on.  Have a chat with the civil authorities about getting a licence - and also with the vicar if you're planning on a church wedding before you do anything hasty.  Romantic thought on your part......but.......!!!

Answer 6

The church will require that you both be there when you talk to the minister. The point of these meetings is to discuss marriage, and to be sure that you both understand your obligations - key word "both".  

Answer 7

Don't do it. She will kill you. If she has always wanted a particular wedding or dress (finding a perfect dress in a month may be difficult)she'll be pretty upset. What about her imput, it's her wedding too. I would have hated it.

As for a civil wedding, you can book the registry office/registrar on your own, but you both have to be present to give notice of marrying at least three weeks before the marriage takes place.

Really, please think before you do this.

Answer 8

In UK you both have to be present for the reading of the banns before the wedding in church and often have to attend marriage classes together. For a civil wedding u will both have to give notice weeks before the actual wedding.

Answer 9

Tried to get married in a hurry last summer. Got most stuff done. But came unstuck when it came down to coordinating the church with the reception. So then there was a time delay. then of course people started hearing about it and it got bigger and bigger. Family want to be involved, people wanted to be bridesmaids, ushers etc. I ended up so stressed out i cancelled. Going to elope.

Word of advice. My fiance's  idea of a nice quiet wedding was totally different from mine, when we started putting things into place. He had no clue about the small dainty stuff that a wedding needs in order to be tasteful.

Answer 10

Wow. Here are my answers:

1- yes

2- yes

3- yes

Answer 11

You probably can- but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. Unless your intended is a very unusual girl, she will feel very upset that she has been robbed of her chance to plan the wedding. And a month would be pushing it anyway, especially for a dress. Plan the wedding together, it's a lot of fun and you will create a lot of great memories while you're doing it- I know my husband and I did.

Good luck

Answer 12

Chris this is such a sweet idea but I would have killed my husband if he had done it to me! A month isn't enough time for your girlfriend to get the dress of her choice and to enjoy the planning. It's fun being a bride to be and I would certainly have been disappointed if the choices had all been made for me. far better to say 'darling we are getting married at Easter, get busy!'

Answer 13

I can't answer your whole question and obviously don't know your bride but you have to think if one month is enough time for her to  make her purchases.  My dress arrived 4 months after it was ordered then I had a few alteration appointments.  Also most girls LOVE planning their own weding and if my husband had suprised me like that I would've been dissapointed to noe be involved.  Hope that helps!

Answer 14

A month ought to be enough time for you to both do what must be done together. Much arranging can be done by you alone, I believe. I am simply not completely aware of details.