Need Some Advice Please...

Question

Hey guys. This is going to be a little long so sry about that. But here we go. I have been with my husband for 3 years. We just got married on June 14th. My mother in law is a foster mother and has adopted 5 beautiful children all from the same mother and they are related to my father in law. I think they are second cousins or something like that. Anyways, Since I have been around I have been attached to the oldest one who is 5. Since my husband and I moved away its been hard for her getting used to the fact that we dont live with her anymore. So for the summer I have taken her. My mother in law calls me today and wanted to know if I wanted to keep her. I would do this in a minute but my problem is what happens when I have my children. I have been trying for about 2 years. I just dont know how to handle the situation. We live in a 2 bedroom apt and have no plans on moving out anytime soon. But my main concern is what kind of mental effects is this gonna have on her? I know she is only 5 and is more happier here but I just want to make the right decision for her. I love this child more then anything in the world and would do anything for her but I also want to live my life as a newlywed and have my own children. Any advice would be appericiated. Thanks guys.

Plz no rude or mean comments. Thanks.

Answer 1

I think that you should keep the 5 year old if your happy wit them ad thy are happy with you.Im sure you love them so when you have your own child it shouldn't mtter share your love let them know they will still be important and as for the living plan th baby can share a room with you all for a while then with the other child.As they grow up then you shoud probably move.

Answer 2

Well, you say you've had her for awhile right, and your MOL asked if you wanted to keep her?  So that sounds like you're close to her and everything.

Ask yourself this, can you love this child like a mother loves her?  If you cannot be a mother to her, then don't do it.  If you can, great!  Then you having kids will not be a huge problem!  Talk with your husband about it and ask how he feels, because it will effect all three of you.  As far as the living situation goes, if you get pregnant like now, you'll have 9 mths in the apartment and the baby can share a room with her for awhile until you can upgrade, I know my parents had me share a room with my new sister for a long time.  

So the living situation isn't too much of a big deal.  I'd sit down with your husband first, then your husband and MOL, then your husband, MOL, and the child, and see how the child would feel about it.  If you adopt her, and if you wind up having biological children...make sure she knows that you'll love them all the same, and she won't be left out, and the new baby or babies will be loved too.  

Answer 3

The problems she will have will be no different from any other child dealing with a new brother or sister.You say you love her thats the most important part.Talk to your husband,if he feels the same way why not give it a try,but don't tell her what you are thinking.Ask her to come for a visit,a week or 2.Then if you think it will work for you try again for a little longer and go from there.

Answer 4

It is a very admiral thing that you are doing thinking of this little girl. I think you should sit down with your husband and see how it would effect him good or bad. Weigh the pros and cons of the situation.Like how it would effect her being without her sibilings. Maybe she would be happier with you. I understand that you want to be newlyweds, but I dont see how having an extension to your family as why you should not be able to still be newlyweds. It is just another person to love. Now you have to respect your husbands feelings. So I think it is most important to discuss this with him. As for having your own children well you say that you love this child more then anything well there you have it just because you didnt carry her for nine months that does not mean you cant call her your own. If you love someone they are part of your soul my dear and if you raise this girl she will be your own. Your other children will be very lucky to have an older sister. I believe your husband and you as well as this little girl will be all very fortunate to share the love of a family. What ever diecision you make my dear dont fret it is God's plan. God Bless all of you.

Answer 5

i think you should leave everything as it was for that child and just go on with your life and you could still support her while she lives with your mother in law....

Answer 6

geees i take my hat off to you ...i would suggest that you explain to the little one that you love her very much and are thinking of having a baby.......then make it fun for her.... ask her if she wants a brother or sister, whatever....whats his/her name gonna be all of that stuff....then when you do fall , re iterate all of the above again   and do it once more when labour starts.  but most important , stress how much you love her and having the new baby atround isnt gonna change that........good luck my darlings hope this helps,  god bless