Need a medical link as to the phrase to an elderly........

Question

"need not to be LIVING ALONE". verses another "need not to be LEFT alone".

My husband & I live with my elderly mother and the Doctor said she does not need to be living alone, though she wants to suffercate us and say she can't be alone. This has been going on for about a year and I am at my ends with it. She wears a monitor around her neck & she can walk all over the house & use her own pot! Her medicine dosages are laid out in vials when to take them. I told her that if she wants someone 24 hours a day, that we could get it (nursing home), for we don't finanically have it & she is just being selfish as she has been for the last 18 years!, when my first grandchild was born. Please send me links to verify these phrases or something, thanks.

Answer 1

What is hard about this hun, is that  you dont say if your mom is ill or why she has that monitor on her neck of all places ..

or of she is not mentally aware, can she drive , is she able to get out of the house at all ?

NO LONGER LIVE ALONE

articles:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2203363_elderly-...

   CAREGUIDE @HOME

http://www.eldercare.com/

http://www.eldercareteam.com/products.ht...

http://www.snapforseniors.com/Default.as...

COSTS OF ELDERCARE  AND OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED

even stress management!!

http://www.eldercare.com/modules.php

How Much Does Elder Care Cost?

What Insurance Doesn't Cover

Important Financial Issues to Consider When Making Care Decisions

Fitting Long-Term Care Into Your Budget

Hidden Costs

Understanding Insurance

What Is Long-Term Care Insurance?

Paying for Long-Term Care: What Are the Options?

How to Talk to Your Elder About Financial Matters

Options for Mother

Paying for Medications

Costs of Assistive Devices

Veterans Benefits

Medicare Basics

Medigap Basics

Long-Term Care Insurance: Checklist

Social Security: A to Z

Estate Planning Quiz

Are You Eligible for Medicaid? Take the Test and Find Out

Should You Consider Long-Term Care Insurance?

Can I Afford Long-Term Care?

Coping with the Issue of Elder care

http://www.eldercareadvocates.com/pages/...

You seriously need to get an advocate to help and intervene and while she UNDERSTANDS that there are going to be changes !

this explains what you are feeling!

http://www.eldercareadvocates.com/pages/...

SEE there is validation!

http://www.eldercareadvocates.com/pages/...

Short example:

An elderly father and son live together because the son had a lifestyle change (divorce) and they were going to have to get someone to take care of him anyway , so this works out great.  He lives with his son that works full- time and shares custody of  3 kids every other week on a rotation.

Then, the Elderly father falls and breaks his hip, has kidney infections and then complicates things by pneumonia.  >>The father ends up in the hospital, and then  the 'DECISION"  where does he go"  well, first had to go to extended care because his needs were more demanding then before he was in the hospital.

Following the illness, still not well enough to go home they had him go to a Nursing home The family decides that he really should not be left alone due to medical needs and that just because his son lives with him,he needs to be checked on During the day.  The family hires an advocate or Home Health Nurse to come buy and have lunch, make sure he has his meds, helps clean up a little and most importantly that he is moving and walking around.

He is now back home after a short stay, but  at one point he was demanding that he not be left alone.. when all he had to realize that he was not left alone.. he was feeling alone.

The argument is hard for alot of people.

and I say that Yes your mom lives withyou, but she should concede to this help and just might after you do you research and tell her about different things that can be done.

When can your parent no longer live alone and it it ok for them to be left alone. The scenario presented is that she is still OK to be alone and can live alone.  

From the sound of things, Your Mother is simply afraid of being lonely. She has always had family, you were kind enough to be there for her and she wants that.  

There are Organizations and services available ThankGod - to give you some relief so you dont have to feel suffocated.

  I try and help with this alot for different people and would be willing to try and help you find a happy resolution .

When she can no longer live alone:

1. forgetting meds

2. falling

3. incontinence

4. declining health - mental and physical

5 When an advocate says it is time ...

http://www.aging-parents-and-elder-care....

http://www.aging-parents-and-elder-care....

http://www.eldercare.gov/eldercare/Publi...

..

http://www.eldercarelink.com/

..http://www.ec-online.net/

http://www.eldercareadvocates.com/

http://www.eldercareadvocates.com/pages/...

Answer 2

I don't mean to be rude when I say this, but this is your mother. It is someone who raised you, clothed you, waited up until you got home, cared for you when you were ill and fed you.

This is just simply the circle of life.

The elderly decline in homes because of the loneliness and isolation they feel. As well, I can tell you from experience most homes are not what they appear to be. Most are full of neglect and in some cases abuse.

I understand that your mother is driving you nuts and that you likely want the place to yourself, but try to see her side as well.

Could you hire a nurse to come in two or three times a week to visit with her? And maybe get her to join social classes for the elderly that you could take her to weekly?

It would at least take some of the load off your shoulders and keep it at a happy medium.

Answer 3

I'm sorry but I don't understand what you are asking for.

Answer 4

I THINK I understand what you're saying. You feel she's been manipulating you, correct?  Most people don't want to be helpless; it sounds like she's really lonely, plus from what you're saying about the doctor, it might be time for her to move in with you.  My sister-in-law (married to my brother-in-law) took her mom in, and said that the woman drove her crazy, refusing to take baths, etc.  Just remember: your house, your rules; however, very deep respect for the one who raised you is essential to getting along.

Did you know there are support groups for caregivers of their parents?  You could gain ALOT of insight visiting it and getting advice from them even before you make your next move (visiting the doctor, etc.).  Plus, obviously, they could help you cope if/when you have to take her in.

I totally agree with the other contributor - please don't just throw your mom into a nursing home.  One bad thing that happens from this is, people get used to knowing that their Loved One is being taken care of, so they slowly dwindle down to seldom visiting, making justifications which, in time, include, "She doesn't recognize me, anyway." Either living full or part time under your roof would give you the ability to monitor her care, so you know she's safe.

     Personally, I think you should have the doctor advise both of you, together, so everyone is on the right page.  I agree about getting someone to adult sit with your mom.  If the doctor believes it's time she moves in with you, you would still be able to get help.  You could get a part-time assistant, or even send her to adult daycare, or better yet, get her involved with the Senior Center or similar.  

I truly hope this helps.