Need a mothers or someone with a bit of experience advice. Underage s*x?

Question

Just to be a little bit clearer I didn't refuse her birth control I merely stated I was uncomfortable doing so as I didn't want to cause a rift between myself and my mother in law. I suggested to her that I would get her the implant and she would have to get a pap smear. I tried to make the question shorter. She just told me last night about this and I'm still shocked.

Answer 1

you have to stop her from going out, that is really all that you can do. dont get the pill for her because that will make her think that it is ok for her to be having s*x at her age etc.

i had this problme with my 14 year old sister and i stopped her from going out unless i was with her and it eventually has stopped.

she wont like you for it but in the future she will thank you :]

good luck

Answer 2

Yes take her to Planned Parenthood for birth control, don't tell her mother if she doesn't want to, it's HER mother and her life.

You most likely wont convince her to get rid of the guy, it's hard to convince girls like her that their love is bad for them, sometimes they have to find out first hand unless he's abusive, then you call the cops.

If you really want to get rid of him, look up the age of sexual consent in your state and you might be able to get him arrested for having s*x with a minor.

Answer 3

Here is a perfect example of why it takes a village to raise a child.

I'm a mother of a 14 year old who doesn't feel comfortable talking to me about such things, but DOES tell another family member everything.  One that is younger than me, but older than her.  She's easy to talk to, and is "cool" and won't tell mom  (in case you're wondering that's you in your story).  That Confident runs to me with everything, but my daughter has no clue.  Confident finds out from me what to tell her, how to handle it, and then does so with great success.  If it were coming from me, it would be falling on deaf ears.

This is the plan that we have in place for when that time comes, as soon as her confident (who shall remain nameless to protect our identities, lol) catches wind that s*x might be on horizon she is to...

1) Tell me about it.  I'm her mother and even though she won't tell me herself, I have a right to know.  We have an arrangement that anything she passes onto me, I'm not allowed to talk to my daughter about, unless I can get her to come out with it herself.  This usually isn't too hard once I already know the truth.  I just have to ask the right questions and give her a look if I know something is not right with the story.  She ends up telling me everything eventually.

2) Get her the birth control.  While I act dumb.

I got pregnant at 16 using the pull out method.  That is not even close to being an effective birth control method.  Her boyfriend is a loser, do you want her tied to him for life when a baby comes?  Didn't think so.

Set a similar plan in motion like the one I have.  Talk to her mother.  Tell her the 15 year old comes to you and tells you things that as her mother she should know, so you're willing to be the go-between.  But she has to be quiet and play cool or else the kid won't tell you anything anymore and NO one will know what's going on.

My daughter actually does tell me a lot, I'm just not usually the first one to know and I'm ok with that (it gives me time to calm down and think about how I'll approach the situation).  Sometimes I am the first to know, I get things out of my daughter that I didn't expect, when I was trying to get something else, lol.  Confident and I compare notes constantly.  Teenagers cannot be raised alone.  They're sneaky little liars, lol...help the Mom out.

As far getting the guy away from her.  If she trusts and respects your opinion you could just start throwing out little things like "I can't believe he did that"  act disgusted...BUT only for a second.  Don't do it constantly but just enough to plant in her head he might be a loser.  Her gears will start working.  As time goes on you can do a little more like saying "he's such a Player"....stuff that fits the mood, possibly have a talk with her one day if she's open to it about good qualities you looked for in your husband.  When out with her, point out cute guys her age...let her see what she's missing.  This can take time, but she will see it.  If you move too fast it will drive her closer to him and she'll stop telling you stuff.

Answer 4

to get this bum or lost sole away from her you need to report him to the police and tell them that this girl has confided in you and see how to go about it. now on telling her mother i would as this girl is a minor even if it means your friendship is not stable anymore the mother of this girl must know so that she can deal with the fact that her daughter wishes to be treated like an adult.in that matter my advice would be to treat the girl like an adult, make her get a job and pay at least $90 board, make her clean up after herself , make her do her own washing ,dishes,scrub the bath, toilet,etc and ban her from the phone.

then whist you are trying to build the courage to tell this girls mum visit the libruary and ask for a book on sexually transmitted diseases  with pictures and diagrams so the affect of her seeing it will shock her.and also ask for a book on underage s*x for a teen or teen pregnancy . just tell the librarian what it is for and they will point you in the right directions.also you could send this girl to spend some time with a family that has a very loud newborn for 3 months days and nights so she understands  what we as parents go through.you could check on the inet and google  underage s*x i suppose and see what counsellors say. but this girl and this boy have made choices it is up to each of them to change and the boy is older so he knows better so he should be sent to prison for a very long long long time in my view. take care

Answer 5

I suggest that you confront the guy and let him know that what he is doing is called RAPE... It doesn't matter if she has consented to sleep with him. she is under the legal age and he is above so it is classed as rape. The only thing you can do with her is introduce her to other guys/people and hope that she realises that he is a derro... Most of the people are right the more you try to pull her away the more she will go for him... just try to distract her with out making it obvious to her that you are keeping them apart. Good luck

Answer 6

well forceing her to leave him will only pull them together. times like this you have to let her make the mistake and be there for her when she does learn. its hard but best. until then i would not only take her to get the pill. i would insist on the SHOT that last three months. this way a 15 year old would not be responcible to take a pill every day or he would not be able to talk her out of taking it. the shot would be in her system and i would also take her again in three months to get another one. you may not be able to get rid of him but you can protect her while she is with him. I would also make her do a pap smear. for STD. Planned parenthood will do it for free. both things.

get her to a place and give her the shot......HURRY the shot will protect her from a baby for at least three months. they have the ones every month. but the three month one is best.  

Answer 7

Telling them to stop seeing each other is going to sound like let's run away and elope to her.  I would say keep a close I on her and stress that fact that she needs to use condoms everytime.  Also as someone else suggested get her the shot instead of pills if possible that way you know she somewhat protected (nothing but abstinence is 100%) and at least she won't get pregnant.  Also why you are there I would suggest getting her a pelvic done just to be sure she doesn't have anything and maybe the nurses could get through to her while she's there.

Answer 8

I think your husband needs to back this jerk of a guy in the corner and tell him how it is and how it's going to be!!! Do take her to planned parenthood. Don't tell her mom, I know its wrong to keep secrets from her about her daughter, but from what you said about her having a difficult time may not be a good thing for her to deal with now. What a great sister in law you are!!! Some teens have no one to turn to.

Answer 9

You could let her make her mistake, give her the pill, or even tell her mom but at the end of the day there is still one underlying problem... the loser older bf. This method works well in dealing with him..... beat the p**s out of him ( or at least make him think it is going to happen) and let him know it will be worse next time. And make sure he understands tht if he tells anyone things will get bad .... very bad... suddenly manipulating a youger girl wont seem worth it.

Answer 10

At that age telling her how much you dislike him will only make her want him more.  I would take her to PP to get put on the pill.  Think about this, would you rather she do that and possilby the bum will get tired of her and move on, or she wind up pregnant and be tied to him for the rest of her life?

Answer 11

get a protective order against the guy. As for the pill, at least she told you she was having s*x. But don't deny her proper protection. Pill or not, she's going to have s*x and if she doesn't have the pill, that will be the least of her worries. why would you deny her protection if you know what she's doing anyway? (this next part is a little story but it does have a point to it)

When my sister was 15 and I was 12, she started having s*x. To be safe, she bought a box of condoms because she couldn't afford birth control. then one day our mom found the condoms. When she was upset about it and confronted my sister, my sis said "ok mom, you don't want to see the condoms? fine I'll stop using them." and my mom said "I'll stop seeing them because you won't be having s*x." my sister gave my mom fair warning, and she still didn't help my sis any. she confiscated any condoms she would find and wouldn't pay for BC. but my sis wanted to have s*x, so she did, just like she said she would. then when she was 17, she had a baby.

you can prevent that. are you really going to ignore it?

Answer 12

You can't just tell her what or what not to do, you have to make her realize what a loser this guy is.  The best way to do that is to show her she can have a nice, decent guy; that it's not out of the realm or possibility.

DO NOT GET HER THE BIRTH CONTROL.

Most teenagers with birth control think they're invincible.  She really needs to see that pregnancy is only a very small part of the danger of unprotected s*x.  I remember that the high school I went to showed the Freshman all kinds of pictures of penises and vaginas affected with warts, herpes, and the like.  It's not pretty.  In fact, it's pretty horrifying.

Don't threaten her, and don't tell her mom.  Let her know she can trust you, but in return you have to willing to give her good advice.  Tell her there are steps she must take before you'll get her birth control such as going to a gynecologist or being tested for AIDs or some other VD.  If at all possible, talk her into being a kid while she still has the chance, and try to make her realize that things like pregnancy, motherhood, and VD are seriously adult issues and ones she shouldn't need to worry about yet.  And the only way to keep from having to worry about it is by abstaining from it.

Answer 13

Tell her to make him wear a condom. No glove no love. You cant stop kids from having s*x.

Answer 14

Take her birth control. What, do you want her pregnant? Give her condoms. She will have s*x with him no matter what you think. If not him, someone else a few weeks later.

Answer 15

theres nothing you can do to keep the guy away from her. shes 15, if she wants to see him, shell see him. what you can do is inform her on what a loser he is. about telling her mother...its not really your place to tell her mother just yet, you should talk to her about opening up to her mom. and let her know, that if she wants to get birth controll, there are places that she can go without a parent. its good that she is asking for birth control, most girls her age dont tell any one anything. but, like i said, you should sit down, and talk to her about opening up to her mom more

Answer 16

You could threaten to tell the police as she is under the age of consent.  If this is not a road you wish to travel down, maybe just get her the pill and tell her to use condoms as well and hopefully the loser will eventually move on to someone else.  

Answer 17

If she is reponsible enough for s*x, she is responsible enough to be on birth control, but I would get her on the depo shot so she doesn't have to be the one to take the pill every day, and you can trust that she won't get into trouble.

Also, if you have heard that this boy wants a baby you need to be careful as a young girl would buy into that. So you need to make sure that she doesn't see him and that all connections are cut.