Hello. This is going to seem like a strange story but, I'm at a crossroads and trying to work on my own self. What happened. I've gone through an awakening and through some depression. Grew up in an alcoholic family and there were dynamics for sure. I can really "see" the picture now, but, some of the energies and thought patterns prevail from time to time still. I go to a great Al Anon group. They have very good affirmations and stories and helps me to feel like what happened really did happen. So I'm doing "the work" in that direction. Spiritually I found something called www.thehealingcodes.com. With the depression which was really really "heavy", I was doing them 4-6 hours a day. I had withdrew my most my 401k of 20 years (please please don't go into the wrong of doing that..I know already....it's in the past...this is just where I'm at). I was an analyst and had a great job for 20 years (well 2...never been layed off..did the ladder climb and all that). So I used the money to pay bills, pay for the healing codes (the alex loyd version) and many sessions of that (they are helping...this is now 6 months later) accupuncture, colonics (to help with depression and start absorbing my nutrients better), some rolfing and some spiritual session work with some spiritualists in town.
I need strength, courage and support...I know I have the ability...but, I need a happy "turn around" story. A strength story...nothing negative. I've aborbed too much "it's my fault" from the alcoholic family dynamics and scapegoating thing and am working towards completely reversing and removing that pattern. I have a small debt problem and it's causing panic attacks and I'm mad at myself for getting here in the first place after all the work I've done the last 20 years.....need help from the abyss....something positive...I can't take cynical anymore...I don't think that should be a way of life.....Trying to learn to let other people's cynism and negative outlooks bounce off...I need an "out of the box" story.......
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