Need a strong persuasion to have children?

Question

I am posting this question for a friend, female, age 30, not wanting kids but her husband does. As an "abnormal" woman, she thinks something is wrong with her, or she is ruining his life if by not having kids. Who can help?

Answer 1

If she doesn't want to have kids, she is smart not to. She's not abnormal. Not everyone wants to be a parent and not everyone should.  

Answer 2

They really should have talked this through before getting married. She shouldn't have kids just because her husband wants them, but he shouldn't have to miss out on being a father just because she doesn't want them.

They really should have talked about this before they desided to get married.

Answer 3

This is something that she and her husband should have discussed and settled before they got married.  Not every woman wants to have children, that doesn't make her abnormal.  But it might be a deal breaker as far as her husband is concerned.  If he really wants to have children, then their marriage may not work out.  He should be able to have children if he wants to, and she should not have a child if she doesn't want to.

Answer 4

if she doesn't want one, no one should make her. It will only end in post natal depression. Some woman are made out to be mothers, and a small percentage isn't.

Answer 5

If you have to be persuaded to have a child then you probably should not have one.

Answer 6

I'm not sure that there really is anything you can do. You should not have to force someone to want kids. Sure, her maternal instincts might kick in and she may love that child to no end once she gets pregnant and has it...but then again, she may not. She would end up despising her husband and everyone who "talked her into" having kids. Much less, how would that effect the child, knowing that your mother didn't want you? Some people want kids, some people don't...nothing's wrong with you if you don't. The child issue is a big deal breaker with relationships all the time. Someone's clock starts ticking and the other's doesn't and it just doesn't work. She doesn't need to worry about ruining his life by not having kids, if she doesn't want them and he makes her, then he gets what he wants, but then she'll ruin her own life and the life of that child. Let her make her own decision on whether or not to have kids. Nothing is wrong with her if she doesn't want them.

Answer 7

She isn't abnormal, and she isn't ruining her life.

The only 'problem' that she needs to deal with is the fact that she and her husband have such different views on such a major issue. The two of them may need to sit down and have a BIG heart-to-heart talk and decide on the best decision for them.  Which might be:

1. Waiting a few years and see if one of them changes their mind.

2.  Agreeing to have, or not have, children to please the other partner.

3. Agreeing to separate so each can find a new spouse who shares his/her life goals.  

Answer 8

Why have children? Way too many people that should not for any reason have them, are doing so.

Answer 9

You won't get any arguments from me in favor of having kids, as I see no upside to it whatsoever.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with her for not wanting kids, and she's not "abnormal."  This issue should ideally have been discussed with her husband before marriage.  

No one, male or female, should ever agree to have a child simply because their spouse wants one. That's a recipe for an unhappy marriage and an unhappy child.

Answer 10

The only "help" is to leave it alone!  If a person doesn't want kids they shouldn't have them, ESPECIALLY if it is a woman (as they are the ones caring for the child 90% of the time!)...  Support her for who she is, he should love her anyway and this is something they should have discussed before they got married.

Answer 11

There is nothing wrong with her.  She just did a subconscious "reality check", and decided that having children is bad.  It is called being childfree.  Almost one in ten women are that way.

It is better to error on the side of caution.

Her hubby should be thankful, as he "won the lotto".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree

Answer 12

You can't force her, she is not abnormal, shes just not ready . Shes still young, in five years she might feel differently. As her husband he should understand that she is not ready.

Answer 13

Why would anyone want to have children these days. The world is cruel and suffering from overpopulation.

She's not ruining her life for not wanting children. She made the right decision and those kinds of women are very attractive. Her husband should be proud that she never wants kids.