Need advice I don't know what to do!!!?

Question

Me and my friend had a friends with benefits kinda thing going on but we didn't date anyone while we were together. Well Im pregnant and my friend doesn't want it. He tried to tell me he wasn't ready but the actual reason is because its with me. He wants to have a baby with someone he is in love with and not just with a friend. Apparently he was to busy wanting s*x to think about what could happen. But he also says he can't turn his back on his child and wants to move with my family out of state to raise our child. Now I'm very emotional right now. Part of me wants him to go because it is his child too and I know having a baby is already hard and then being alone is harder. The only thing is I know deep down he does not want the kid because he we are not in a relationship and not in love with each other. Is it wrong for part of me not to want him around. I mean hes told me he doesn't want it but will be there any way. I feel guilty because I'm the one whos keeping the baby and hes gonna change his life by moving and leaving everyone behind for a kid he doesn't want.

Answer 1

I think that you two should at least try to be together for the baby at first. It seems as if you two have a very caring relationship and even if it is not as a couple, him being there for his child will be a good thing. Trust me, dads do not become dads until the baby is born. When he sees his child, his opinion will change. Good luck to the both of you.  

Answer 2

i think you guys have been in love for a long while now but you havnt realized that yourselves!!! if he didn't love you he would not say that he'd be there for you anyway because no matter how good of a friend he is he would definitly not make that "sacrifice".  

And if he is taking responsibility without hesitation, he is willing to leave everyone and everything behind for helping you and the kid...dont you think that's a little more than just being a friend??

Answer 3

If you two are not in love it will not last no matter how much you try.  You can live together for awhile and pretend but eventually it will end.  Here's the problem.  If you move in together and "try" to make it work the baby is going to start out getting used to having this man in his life on a daily basis and then it will even harder to leave him when you finally realize it so wrong to try and make it work with someone who does not love you.  See my point?  Say you live together for a year, then your a little older and say to yourself, "why did I do this?  I want to be with a man that loves me.  I want a real marriage, passion, and all that comes with two people who are together for the real reasons, NOT because they were forced together"  Well.  Then you will look at your sweet baby and you'll see how much he or she is attached to her/his daddy and you'll hate to hurt the baby by taking her away from her daddy.  So, how long will you stay in this unhappy fake relationship to make your baby happy?  Sooner or later this baby will be old enough to realize mommy and daddy don't love each other, something is off.   So, before you dig yourself into this hole, think about it.  Because once you get there it's SO much harder to get out.  

Answer 4

hmmm it would be right to keep the kid but u might be in debt

if u dont have money to pay for the kid stuff like a crib  

Answer 5

a. whats right for the kid?

b. what will you think about your decision years from now if you dont raise the kid with his father?

Answer 6

s*x is a 2 way street, you could have prevented the pregnancy in a million different ways.  Now that there is life in you go to a no kill clinic and get ready for help and put up the baby for adoption there are literally millions of couples that cannot have children that will give a wonderful life to your baby.  You do not have to raise that poor baby knowing he has a deadbeat Dad why would you want to do that to the baby!!??  Children need 2 parents for emotional stability, that is why there are gangs fatherless kids looking for a family life.

The father will dump you if you move out of state this is an old ploy, don't do this to yourself.  All guys say they will help and then when the baby arrives they disappear.. the burden will all be on you don't hurt yourself or that baby!!

Answer 7

You may think it's difficult to bring up a child on your own but it's a lot easier than trying to raise a child with someone who doesn't actually want to be there.

Initially it may seem best for the baby to have two parents, but as he/she gets older and becomes more aware of their surroundings it will not be a good environment.

You also have to think of yourself. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't really love you. Just because you have a child it doesn't mean that you won't be able to find someone who appreciates you and your child a lot more than this man does.

Answer 8

Its not really about what he wants, its what you want.  You will be the one carrying the baby.  You both knew what you were risking when you guys had s*x.  If down in your heart you want the child, than keep it.  If you were good friends, then why would your relationship change now?   He will find someone that he is in love with that will be able to handle him having a child already and he seems like he is responsible so its just a prat of growing up and doing things that may have not been planned but its life.  All I'm saying is don't let him influence your decision because you feel sorry for him.  Do what is best for you.

Answer 9

OK. What I think is that it's his fault. He wanted to have s*x, he did so there's the consequence. But he doesn't love you which makes it harder for you. You have a family which will help you though everything don't you? He should have thought of it before se i think. And obviously you want to be with him. Hes the father and you like him. Who can blame you? Just talk to family. Sit down sort it through. What do you think personaly? Go with someone whos only there because of the chilkd but will cheat on you or go with someone who will love you with a baby or without. your choice.

Answer 10

It sounds like he wants to be a standup guy and do the right thing for his baby - whether he wants it or not.  However, since you are moving out of town with your parents, then you have a support system, do you really want someone with you that will not be faithful, loving to you, and supportive?  Tell him that he can come for visits and that you expect him to help with child support (go to court and get the appropriate orders drawn up).