Need advice... Why do you think I feel this way about my body?

Question

Okay, so I've been in a relationship with this guy I truly love. We're waiting until we're older to get married, and waiting until we're married to have s*x.

We've been dating a year and a half, and we're very close. We're looking for ways to get closer (that isn't s*x) and a friend of ours recommended us trying snuggling nude or just both topless. So we figured we'd try the latter first.

Now, I trust him more than anyone I've ever trusted in my life (not including family, of course). He thinks everything about me is beautiful and I know he really feels that way. We both love each other deeply and I see him as beautiful as he sees me.

We started out in just underwear while cuddling/making out and that was perfectly fine. He started to unhook my bra, and out of the blue I got really nervous and I kind of shied away. He immediately stopped and asked me if everything was okay.

That was about four months ago, and he's touched me there without a bra on in the dark only. I did flash him, just once, because I told him I wanted to see what it was like.

I feel sort of guilty. I really DO want him to see me, every part of me. Not just because I want to make him happy, but because I know it'll get us closer, and I would LOVE that. And, because stuff like this has been bothering me for years, and I want to get over this fear.

Now, I'm perfectly confident wearing a bra and underwear, and I'm perfectly confident when I wear clothes in public. I'm 5'5", 126 lbs, size 0 - 2, and 34b. I have a little bit of a bulge in my tummy but I'm way past that. I don't mind if he sees or touches my tummy. In fact, it doesn't bother me in the least if he touches me anywhere.

I did have a childhood 'experience' when I was about 7... I had a crush on this boy who was 14 years old, and long story short he stripped me naked and raped me.

I didn't even understand at that time. He told me that he loved me and that that was what people who loved each other did. So I just kind of went with it... he was a 'big kid', so I figured it was okay.

Do you think this is still affecting me to this day? I'm 19, going to turn 20 soon, and it didn't exactly effect me until I was about 10. I started feeling way more concious and I didn't trust any boy except my father. Not even my own brother.

But, I trust my boyfriend more than anyone, and he's helped me feel better about myself a lot. I know he won't disapprove, I know he thinks every part of me is beautiful, so I don't even know what I'm 'afraid' of. I'm not disformed really in any way, I'm no different from any normal girl you see, so I don't get it.

Sadly I don't have enough money for counseling or anything, so any tips or advice or any input at all would be WONDERFUL.

Thank you :)

Answer 1

My dear , u're right! yr childhood experience does have some effect on u. esp. when u're in close contact with them. You have lost faith in opp.s*x & have phobia- Fear..fear of being touch-taken advantage of just like it happened before. and u do not want this to happened again but u do not know how to handle.

U want to pls your bfriend but u don't know how to face him with this problem.

My suggestion is: if u're not really ,don't do it!

When u're really, go slow- start with kissing-hugging-

smogging,

U don't have to do the real thing if u feel like it.

If either one of the party is forced to conduct a x*x act against their will then it considered a crime .

So my dear, no one should force u to do anything that u refuse.

Just say, No,I'm not really! not comfortable doing .

Just like "respect begets respect"

u got to love yourself before anyone could love u.

Take Care!

Answer 2

okey. what i got from ur description is that........ u want ur boyfrnd to see u naked. n love u............. but at the time of doing so..u r not feeling gud? is that ur problem is?

if so then I suggest u to discuss ur problem with ur boyfriend n he will support u.....

one more thing---- having s*x is part of love....... but love is not only about having s*x........ s*x can bring u physically closer to ur boy friend..... but believe me.....to reach one's mind...... emotion , faith, care, trust n all thing are equally important........

gud luck dear......