Need advice about a very crazy marriage?

Question

I don't know why I am asking complete strangers about my personal life but I have no where else to turn.So here it goes...I have been married 10 years and in the beginning it was a fairy tale come true.After the first year I found out that all phone calls were being recorded which continues to this day.Then he became very controlling,not letting me work or have any friends.If I tryed to leave he would chase me in his car with his high beams on trying to run me off the road.Then he got a computer!p**n day and night!I managed to get a peek at his computer one day and I wish I wouldn't have looked.Most of the p**n sites are titled teen or young girls and some of the pics saved on his computer looked like underage girls.He has also been pretending to be me talking to men online,even has my picture as his own.I have put up with alot of verbal and emotional abuse over the years but this just tops it.And now on top of it all I found a wireless hidden cam box in the shed!No privacy!He won't talk to me about any of this,just screams and talks about things that have nothing to do with any of this!I know I should just leave but it's easier said than done.Í feel so insecure with myself.Can I just walk away,am I strong enough,I don't know.I have been sooo depressed that I have even thought of suicide,to just stop the pain.After all this I do still love him.What's wrong with me?

Answer 1

Yes you can walk away.

Yes you are strong enough.  You've put up with all his bullshit, haven't you?

No you do not love him.

Get away from this CRAZY FUUK!

Answer 2

Are you even allowed to use the computer? Won't you get a beating for that?  Seriously, if he sees this, you're gonna be in so much trouble.  

I hate your life.

Answer 3

It is obvious that you have some self esteem problems.  You have to realize that his behavior is not normal and you are the victim in this relationship.  The feeling you have is not love, it is the fear of abandonment.  You need to contact someone to help you escape from this abuse.  If all else fails, contact the police, they will assist you into a shelter or at least give you the information on how to.  While you have the police there, have them look at your husbands computer, it he is into child p**n, your problems may be over when they send him to jail.  Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't think you love him.. I think you love the memory of what you thought he was.  It comes to a point where you need to make the choice between what is easy and what is right.  My husband is a social worker so I know that one would greatly help you.  See if you can find one.  They can help you find somewhere to go away from your husband and maybe get a restraining order if it's needed.  You're resorting to depression and suicide because you feel it's the only thing you can do about it, but believe me, there are other steps you can take.  It may move slowly, but at least you're working towards something better and that alone is enough to keep you going.

I wish nothing but good luck and true love to you.

Answer 5

You still love him because you love the man that he was when you got married.  The reason you haven't left yet is because you are still searching for the man inside of him, aside from all the crazy stuff.  This is actually a dangerous situation.  You need to find the strength inside to get help.  You shouldn't have to deal with this. Go to a counselor and seek advice .

Answer 6

Ah what the h**l is wrong with you?

LEAVE. NOW.

Hes a Twaaaaaatface.

x

Answer 7

I don't think there's anything wrong with you but sounds as though your husband may have a mental illness because of his anger and being so paranoid about everything you say and do. Perhaps you should go to your G.P , explain the situation and get advice on what you can do . Also tell the G.P how depressed you are and please don't contemplate suicide, I'm sure  someone with the know-how can help you find a solution to your problem. Good luck.  

Answer 8

You need to move away far like London.  Leave this man he crazy get a restraining order on him.

Answer 9

Nothing is wrong with you!!! It is extremely difficult to know what a person should do in a situation like this. First you need to adopt the point of view that you can go through the pain of separation now or go through more pain and then the pain of separation later. He is trying to live your life and that cant work. One of the organizations that are out there to help people is called LDS Family Services. You can find them online under ldsfamilyservices.org, which is a nonprofit organization that helps with various marital, family, personal, etc. challenges, including abuse and pornography. They have centers across the US and other countries and they (or their website) can also refer you to other organizations that provide help. You do not have to be any certain religion to contact them. Definitely go somewhere for help. This is not a situation that is leading to a better tomorrow. You deserve a right to a happier life and you can find it. You are strong enough, just take that first step forward to walking away from the situation with determination, and you will find more strength than you think you had.

Answer 10

I am sorry to hear of this...

I read your story and was reminded of the Stockholm Syndrome...

You have become a prisoner and have chosen to keep falling in love with him....But he is a manipulating maniac.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE walk (run) away from this creep. You deserve so much better than this. Life can be so beautiful when the RIGHT people love you...

Go to a women's shelter - anywhere but in the presence of this monster...

Believe in YOURSELF and know that you deserve better.

Good luck.

Answer 11

Wow.. I'm very sorry for everything you're going through.  I personally do not believe in divorce, but in this instance I encourage it.  If you don't divorce this man and get far away from him, I fear you will wind up dead.  You ask if you think you're strong enough to leave - well how could you not be?  If staying meant eventual death by this man's hand would you leave?  Of course -- and that's what I'm telling you -- you will probably wind up getting yourself killed if you remain in a marriage with this insane, sick person.

The first thing I would do is call the police, or better yet, head down to the police station next time he's at work considering he records your phone calls.  Detach the tower from the moniter of your computer, and bring the tower in to the police station with you -- they can hook it up and view the files and kiddie p**n on your computer.  Explain what you found, and how it troubled you.  Also, get into detail with them about what he does as far as recording your phone calls and the cameras you found in your house, and also about how he tries to run you off the road.  Most likely, they will immediately arrest him for the child pornography on your computer anyway.  However, if you explain how you are afraid for your life and/or safety, they will take measures to be sure that you are safe and protected from this man.

Get a restraining order, and hide somewhere -- everything will work out okay.

Good luck.

Answer 12

yes you shopuld leave and call the police this amn is crazy

Answer 13

As i see, as married life is up and down and no such thing is fairy tales.

The main point is both should work together as a team. Should respecting each other opinion and supporting each other. One should not trying to controlling other.

If you have no room to walk and no air to breath i don't call that is life.

Well girl. Suicide is not an option. You should stand up and fight for yourself.

Give up is not any option but when it come to the point of no return than there is no reason to save it. It is may be time for you to Pull the anchor and sail out in the open sea. If you feel any threat hen than you should get the legal system to protect you.. Here is what you should mentally prepare for. Play nice, play save, and don't being soft.

Answer 14

hmm, lets take score here...

1.  he tried to run you off of the road with his high beams on, thus endangering your life.

2.  is addicted to p**n.

3.  is a pedophile

4.  is ravingly jealous, insecure, and controlling

5.  is emotionally abusive

6.  watches you 24/7

7.  in my opinion is posibly suffering from mental illness (from what you have written, sounds a lot like paranoid schizophrenia)

now, those are the cons...here is the pros

1.  the beginning of the marriage was a fairy tale

hmm, that's about it.  what the heck have you stayed so long for?  do you have kids together?  usually, i don't tell peopel to run from their marriage.  however, you are going to end up the subject of a "lifetime movie" if you stick around.  who do you want to play you?  melissa gilbert?  susan dey?  sharon lawrence?  you'd better figure that out, because that is where this is headed.  he is going to end up killing you if you stick around.  even if he doesn't physically kill you, you will be emotionally dead, as he has beaten your self esteem into the ground.  do not rationalize.  do not try to change him.  he won't change, period.  what needs to change is your reality.  you are living in disturbia right now.  where is the positive here?

Answer 15

call the police about the kiddy p**n, it is illegal.  if hes in jail, i bet it would be easier to leave.

Answer 16

You need to wait for him to be at work, and you need to pack your things and go, i know its hard, but you can do it, you lived without him before you married him, and you will live after, the reason you love him is because for the last 10 years he is all that you have Know, and like most abusive people, whether physical, mental or emotional abuse, he has probably brought you down to where you feel that you cannot do any better than him, that you wont make it on your own. you need to get in that car and leave...I know this because like you my mom was in the situation and after 9 years she finally walked away, and guess what?? She found an amazing man who treats her like there is no other woman in the world for him, like he is lucky to have her, even though they both feel that way!

It can happen for you too, but its going to take you getting away from the situation you are in now..