Need advice about my husband?

Question

My husband loves me alot we have been together for almost 17 yrs we have two kids together, he is a hard worker and a good man, but in the last 6 mos he has changed like the other night i made him steak and mashed potatoes his favorite and he said that he always thought my cooking was horrible and that i needed to start asking him before i cook dinner what he wants. and wouldn't eat it and it made me cry and he told me to shut the #### up he also has been saying mean things like how he thinks I'm fat and just being nasty to me lately.and it is really beginning to upset me.i work a job and my plate is full between the kids and work laundry etc.it is like his personality is totally changing and if i try to stand up for myself he gets really aggressive and that's scares me.do you have any ideas on what might be making him act so crazy?

Answer 1

Cheater? Maybe, but consider the angle of him being depressed.  Google "depression" and see if you can find some questionnaires about depressive behaviors.  A doctor should evaluate him if that is suspected.

Answer 2

so many people are stressed out these days he probably is thinking something like why me why cant we save a little work work work all the time when will i be happy. sit him down and see if he talks if not go along with him for awhile if he is hurting you any other way seek help good luck he probably is stressed  

Answer 3

drugs?

Answer 4

How old is he? Maybe he is going through his change of life, you know getting depressed about being older and he doesn't know how to express himself to you. Or he's embarrassed to talk about it.

Answer 5

I think that he may be cheating on you. If his whole personality has changed over night then I think that he may be cheating.

Answer 6

ask him.

Answer 7

maybe he is being this way towards you (i.e. putting you down) because he is guilty of something...

i know a couple...the girl doesn't know it, but the guys goes out on her all the time..well, after going out on her because he is so guilty of doing her so wrong, he puts her down time & time again over nonsense things...

look deeper into your situation (is there a chance he could be cheating?).

talk to your husband, ask how he truly feels

& most importantly,  

talk to God, he helps with everything =)

Answer 8

if he "all of a sudden" started acting this way, there's obviously something wrong. maybe something is bothering him. you should both sit down together and talk about things. let him know how you feel.

don't allow him to put you down. that's a form of abuse. he might also be developing a bipolar disorder.

Answer 9

You've been married 17 years and suddenly, over the past 6 months this? Something has definitely caused this unwelcome change in his attitude and behavior towards you and you need to find out what it is.

We are all trying to be helpful and answer your question but please realize that our guess isn't even as good as yours.

Take some time when you are not upset and go over the changes in your lives/his life/job/money situation/etc. and try to narrow down where this originated. Maybe talk it over with someone close to you to try to get some clues. Be aware of what has happened just before he has an angry outburst.

Once you have some idea of "what changed" you can decide on the best approach to deal with "how he changed". Until then, you will drive yourself nuts wondering if he's cheating or lost his job and ashamed to tell you or anything in between!

In the meantime, take a step back. You are taking everything he does and says personally, internalizing it and letting it hurt you in a way that prevents you from being strong, objective and aware. If you allow this, it will devastate you emotionally. I know it's hard, but try to treat it like a puzzle you need to solve and whenever he gets verbally abusive, instead of letting it crush you, think of it as a new line of clues. Be the investigator instead of the victim.

This is clearly very hard on you. I'm sure you feel like some horrible stranger showed up in your loving husband's place, but if you can keep your emotions in control, you will think more clearly and he will not have the power over you that he has now. The longer this goes on, the more damage will be done so as difficult or even impossible as it may seem, take a step back and look at him as a problem that needs to be resolved as soon as possible. If you can do that, you might be able to see things you couldn't see before.

I wish you wisdom, courage and strength in dealing with this...and a happy resolution. 17 years is a long time and you deserve much better than this for all your efforts. Love & Light!

Answer 10

He is cheating on you thats why he is acting this way.

Answer 11

If your husband is treating you that poorly I don't think you should be as concerned w/the reason for it as you should be angry that he dare to disrespect you like that.  It's one thing to be a supportive wife if he's upset about something it's totally another to allow him to treat you like that.  Put your foot down however you see fit and let him know that behavior is not ok also let him know that if he needs to talk about something your there but your not going to tolerate the abuse.

Answer 12

honestly i have no idea. could be a mid life crisis kinda thing. no real way to tell maybe he's just going through a really rought time at work and is taking it out on his family? thats no exscues but it's a possibility.

Answer 13

red flag....he's cheating.....and trying to push you away by convincing himself he doesn't love you.......i confronted my husband about his behavior and he was cheating......i moved out after a month he realized what he was missing out on and you're husband will too (you sound like a wonderful wife and deserve better.).....we are fixing things and you can too!! Go for it you deserve to be happy with or without him! Be strong it will be hard to do and hear but you will be better off once you do.

Answer 14

Drugs can make people act like that but seriously I think he is cheating.  Could be both, but I know cheating can make men act like that.