Need advice about teen s*x...?

Question

My 15 year old daughter just yesterday told me that a friend who is also 15 is having unprotected s*x with her 15 year old boyfriend. I know this girl well because she has been to my home several times. I only met her mom a few times. The girls mom works two jobs. Therefore, the girl is unsupervised quite a bit. My questions is... Should I let her mom know? If so, How do I tell her? My daughter pleaded me not to tell her mom in fear of losing this girl as a friend. I on the other hand feel obligated as a fellow parent to let this woman know.

Thanks for any advice.

Answer 1

I truly do not believe you should inform the other mother. This girl is 15 and this is the time where children are encouraged to make their own decisions and parents and parents of friends must respect that. I know you only want the best for the children and that what makes you a great mom, but the fact is that they will not always have people to save them and clean up their messes. It is their responsibility to lead their own lives. I know you just want to help, but sometimes you have to just sit back and let life take its course. But I do congratulate you on being a great mother.

Answer 2

Almost same problem.   One day my daughter's friend came over and as a joke I started to tell them about how boys only want one thing, how did I know that, because I was one long time ago.  As a joke I asked them, what are you gonna do with a kid? do you think that he is going to get a job at 15 to support you? what kind of job is he going to have at 15?, when I was 15 I was chasing anything with the X chromosome that would say yes.  I had a few girlfriends but that never stopped me at all.  Are you sure you are the only one?  etc, etc, etc.  I made it a joke but very clear what I was telling them.  Talk to her indirectly but very clear.  

Good luck and I am glad your daughter has a responsible mother.

Answer 3

Well im a teen parent myself.

and i do think that her parent should know incase something unexpected happens. talk to the parent into putting her daugher on birthcontrol if she already isnt.

Answer 4

Yes you should let the mother know, and even encourage the mother to press charges on the boy. I don't understand why kids these days are having s*x at such early ages, like 13, 14, 15...and so on. It's actually quite disturbing. You are a mother, a responsible adult. If you know something is very wrong, you have to do the right thing. A friendship can be replaced, but a baby born into the world to parents who are still babies themselves can not just 'disappear' into thin air. It will cause the mother much grief and problems on top of the two jobs she already works. You will have to tell the mother and encourage her to press charges on the boy.

Answer 5

I'm going to give you a teen view on this just to help because I'm mature enough to handle it.

Even though your daughter might lose a friend you should tell the girl's mom.  I know this may seem weird coming from someone this young but it's just for some help.  If the mom is working two jobs she should really get someone to look after the girl (yeah kind of like a babysitter, but hey) Yes, this girl is 15 and would be upset that her mom would get her a babysitter, but it's better than the girl getting into loads of trouble or possibly getting one or both of the following: pregnant, and/or an STD.  Having unprotected s*x at any age is dangerous and can get your daughter's friend into things other than s*x.  She could get caught up in drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and even violence.  If your daughter is the only one that knows that knowledge needs to get to her mother, and fast.

P.S. To tell the mom you should really try to get to her personally and not on the phone.  Casually bring up the subject maybe and then tell her that her daughter has had unprotected s*x. ex. " Well teens these days are getting into all sorts of trouble.  But, the problem is your daughter has been doing some bad things according Jane (whatever your daughter's name is)"

Your Welcome! <3

Answer 6

Yes, you should definately let her mom know. If she was actually being responsible, you wouldn't have to, so she's brought it on herself. As for your daughter - would she rather betray her this once, or stand by and wait for her to get pregnant and ruin her life?

Answer 7

Instead of outright telling her that HER child is having s*x, tell her that you heard rumors from some kids and neighbors that teens these days are having unprotected s*x while their parents are at work. Ask her if she thinks your daughter might be one of them. She will probably say no (or she could say yes and give you something to look into), but she will likely start to worry about her own daughter and will become more aware of her daughters wereabouts.

Something else you could do is just tell the mom, but tell her that you do not want her daughter to know who passed the information along for fear it will ruin your daughters' friendship. She is a mother too and will likely respect that wish and won't let her daughter know who ratted her out.

You could tell her to get a "nanny cam" set up in the entrance to her house so that can film her daughter bringing the boyfriend into the house and she can then use that footage as a means to confront her daughter without even having to bring up a 3rd party involved. If her daughter says she was "spying", the mom can easily pass it off as a security measure, saying that she was worried someone might try to break in and harm the daughter when she was home alone.

Answer 8

i don't think it is needed. i don't think it is worth is to put the mother through the stress, the girl having s*x will be stressed, and angry, and most importantly, your own daughter will lose trust in you, and be angry with you.

i think the appropriate action may be to help out. perhaps if you wanted to provide condoms for her so she could have protected s*x. i think that would be best for everyone.

Answer 9

Even though it would be a hard decision to make, I would feel obligated to tell the girls mother as well - because if her daughter is having s*x there's a good chance she'll become a young grandmother. I don't condone teenage s*x at all, but if her daughter is sexually active she could at least protect her by giving her birth control - once they become sexually active you can't exactly stop them.

However, people always shoot the messanger so I wouldn't expect her mother to take it very well that her daughter was having s*x, so I'm not sure how I'd go about telling someone.

*edit* To the person who said press charges against the boy, she wouldn't legally be able to since both teenagers are 15. If the boy was 16 she could because he would be of legal consenting age and she would not. However in this situation neither one is of legal consenting age and pressing charges wouldn't do much good unless it was just a restraining order.

Oh and I don't agree with MJ because if you help your daughter's friend to find methods of birth control and her friend does not tell her parents, you could be held responsible.

Answer 10

As a fellow parent and as a responsible member of the "village", it would seem that you have an obligation to let the mother know.  A teenager should be mature enough to know when some secrets cannot be kept, in the best interests of all concerned, and that her friend's welfare trumps all.

Answer 11

The girl's mom may be fine with it. This is not your daughter.

Your daughter came to you in confidence, if you show her that you cannot keep a secret, it is going to damage the trust relationship between you and your daughter.

You -might- do some parenting by proxy: you could tell your daughter that you are concerned for her friend and that you hope she is being responsible by using protection. Don't tell her she should tell her friend not to have s*x. You're only telling a human to abstain from one of the strongest natural drives once puberty sets in. You'd have more luck stopping rain from falling.

When you tell your daughter that you are concerned for her friend, you will show that you care and you will teach your daughter [insofar as you haven't already] that using protection during s*x is important.

If your daughter's friend is not persuaded by that argument you will at least have reinforced the message in your daughter. If something should happen to the friend [let's hope not] your daughter will be reminded of your words of caution and what it costs when they are not heeded.

I would preserve the bond of trust between myself and my children. Trust is an extremely fragile bond and once it is shocked it can never be fully healed.

Good parenting!

Answer 12

Okay, here is a middle eastern guy's opinion,

I belive in a way you should tell her mom about that! youo are an adult her mom's as well, find a good way and tell her to keep it between you and her, i am sure she will understand!, cuz telling her now might save her a lot of troubles later on when bad things happen! i highly recommen you tell her now!...

Really at the age of 15 even for a western life, girls are easily sedcued and might fall into very deep troubles...

Best of Luck

David

Answer 13

Hmm.. thats tough. But I would tell her mom. She she shouldnt be having s*x at 15, especially unprotected.. Your daughter is only 15 too, she'll get over it and understand later that your decision to tell her was right, plus you shouldnt be worried about her losing this friend because it sounds like she's probably not too good of an influence on your daughter. Hope this helps :)

Answer 14

im sixteen, and if i were you i would tell the mom, but make sure yall are talking personally just the two of you, and tell her to talk to her daughter about having s*x, although she isn't going to stop her. because they'll find ways to have s*x no matter what. so her mom should think about taking her to get birth control. i'm on it. your daughter might be mad at you for a little while, but it's better than having another teen pregnancy in this world and the baby not be takin' care of.

Answer 15

I'm sixteen. And non-sexually active. Although all of my closest friends became sexually active when they were fifteen during our freshmen year of highschool... I have a close relationship to my mom so of course i've told her about all of my friends. And i can understand your daughter not wanting her friends to get mad if their parents find out. But if the girl is being UNSAFE with her boyfriend, that's something you have to speak up about. Many of my friends have been UN SAFE at times too. If your daughters friend continues to be unsafe something needs to be done. Maybe you or your daughter should talk to her about being safe; condoms birth control, whatever.

Hope that somewhat helps?

Answer 16

this is the answer to all ur problems trust me.

MONDAY:ORAL

TUESDAY:MASTURBATION

WEDNESDAY:FAIR GAME

THURSDAY:g*y

FRIDAY:ORGY

SATURDAY:KINKY

SUNDAY:DAY OF REST

oh by the way just tell ur daughter to celebrate friday with her friend and his boyfiend

Answer 17

As a 15 year old, I would say yes, only because the s*x is unprotected. Hopefully her mother has the good sense to talk it through with her daughter in a non-confrontational way, and without putting the blame on 'who told'. I know some parents don't like being told how to deal with their kids, however...

Answer 18

As a parent, I would want to know. Having unsafe s*x is going to cause problems either through STDs or pregnancy. If you are scared to tell me, I would want my daughter to know how to protect herself from pregnancy and STDs, even if it is coming from somebody else. If you do not want to pass the news to her, then tell your daughter of planned parenthood and ask her to tell her friend about getting free birth control and condoms.

Answer 19

Well this is tricky one!

If you tell the friends mother your daughter may loose her friend and will definitely be upset with you. However, I understand that as a mother you it's hard to keep this information to yourself because if it were your daughter you would want to know.

I think the best way to handle the situation is to help protect your daughters friend from making bad decisions without betraying the trust of your daughter or her friend.

If possible I would discuss the situation with your daughter and her friend. Let your daughters friend know that you're aware of the situation but that you're not angry with her and she's still very welcome in your home.

Explain to her that you're not going to tell her mother but encourage her not to keep secrets from her family. Talk to her about it and see why she's having unprotected s*x. Offer solutions to any problems she's having. Even help her find an use suitable methods of protection if need be.

You may still feel guilty for not telling this girls mother but as long as her child is safe and secure that it all that really matters.

Additional info: I am 19 years old and I can tell you right now that most teenagers have s*x at 15, if not before, without their parents knowing.

What is telling her mother going to achieve? Chances are she will be told not to see this boy and either do it with someone else or do it behind her mothers back. Your daughter will have lost a friend. Your daughter will not trust you again. This poor girl will have her mother on her back and still have NO idea how to practice safe s*x or why it is important.

If you get held responsible then so be it. You need to do the right thing by the children here because a loving parent would want their child protected regardless of whether or not they're aware of it.

I don't expect others to agree with me but I hope you read this and consider what I have said.

Answer 20

I'm unsure about this one.

See, letting her mum will probably not make much of a change....well, actually, it matters what sort of relationship they have together. I understand your daughter is worried and so are you -- but I would do it a little more sneakily.

See, the mother would arouse resistance purely even as a reaction. HOWEVER, if YOU have a chat with YOUR daughter, and explain things, and she has a chat with her friend -- it is FAR more likely to get through. So unless you want startling beautiful fireworks erupting around your place with your daughter hating you, your daughter's friend hating you, your daughter's friend hating your daughter, and your daughter's friend having a blue with her mother, without really changing much -- I suggest you do it the sneaky way.

Answer 21

idk on the one hand you might stop it but in the other hand u lose ur daughters trust and her friend will probley get really mad at her for telling u and not be friends with her....if u really want to keep ur daughters trust i would say no.....and i think its wise to stay out of there buisness