Need advice! am i going mad after my miscarriage?

Question

Every one thinks I'm going nuts or looking sympathy or something, I'm not, are they being unfair or is it normal to feel like this?

so i have 3 questions

1st---My wee cousin and myself where pregnant at the same time, i lost the baby when i was around 8/9 weeks, (due to a lot of stress) i was home alone and it happened in my bathroom, shes just had her baby and i cant bring myself to go and see the baby, i am happy everything went ok for her *but am i being selfish by staying away?*

2nd --- every time i feel sick now or am slightly late i believe i am pregnant, i dont want to be pregnant again and want to stop thinking i am. *how do i get over the feeling I'm pregnant? *

3rd---atm I'm sitting here, i have sore b*****s, i feel ill and really tired, again I'm thinking I'm pregnant but this has happened before and turned out i wasn't. *is this normal after a miscarriage?*

any advice is welcomed as i think im going mad!!

Answer 1

It's normal to have a wide range of emotions at a time like this.

The closest thing to ANY words of comfort I can offer is that it's very unlikely that stress CAUSED the miscarriage.  Most miscarriages this early are usually due to extreame physical stress, unusual medical consitions, and most because of genetic defects of the baby.  In other words, it wasn't your fault.

The other thing is that miscarriages are a lot more common than most people realize.  As many as 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (though the large majority of them are very very early, before the woman even realized she was pregnant.  I don't say this as a word of comfort (just because others have felt your pain doesn't make your pain any easier).  But I do say it to help support the following words...   It would be a shame to allow a miscarriage to forever make you want to avoid the blessing of an (additional? / first?) child.  I'm sure you fear it could happen again... and it can.  But for the greatest majority of 1st time miscarriage sufferers go on to have a perfectly healthy baby within a year or so.

Now it's time to get a little harsh...  you are going to have to get over your cousin having a baby.  While you might not want to see ANYONE right now... it is you who is in the wrong if you are going to allow your loss to affect the relationship you should have with your cousin and her new baby.  While it's expected for you to feel sorrowful right now, and even the sight of other babys to remind you of your sorrow, you HAVE to be able to be happy of any new mother, relative or not.  As I said, it's perfectly acceptable for you to stay away from your cousin and new baby during the time it's expected that you avoid other relationships during your time of sorry.  While that sorrow will never fully leave you, it will get better with time and you MUST learn to be happy for all new mothers... if for no other reason than because your loss puts it even more into focus how much a gift children are.  It's not fair to others for you to feel bitter about their gifts.

Answer 2

I am truly sorry for your loss.  You're not going mad, you are mourning the loss of your baby.  Just be honest with your cousin about why you are still unable to visit.  Tell her that you are happy for her, but right now you are still hurting.  Maybe you should talk to a counselor about what steps are best for you to take in order to start the healing process.  

Answer 3

I think your reactions are normal - you are mourning the loss of your baby and it is very difficult to acknowledge her baby.  Just be honest with her and know that it will get easier over time.  

As for thinking you are pregnant again, that is also normal...if you consistantly have 'false pregnancies", I suggest you just ignore the signs of pregnancy (assuming you're not doing anything that would harm a baby if you were actually pregnant).  Take care of yourself and good luck.

Answer 4

your not going mad... i too lost a baby sometime between 9 and 11 weeks.... except i just wanted to be alone and closed myself away from the world and worked out after a while that its the worst thing to do. if a lot of people around you have babies be thankful, at least if you hold them and they start to cry... you can hand them back! when they are yours you cant. All i can say is that there was obviously a reason for it happening other than stress, your body is an amazing thing and can deal with a problem you dont know you have.. that is what happened to me, my baby (that i lost) had not grown as it should have and my body knew that and dealt with it as a foreign object because there was something the matter. you will get over ur maddness and the best thing for you to do is probably go and see your friend, but when you are ready. dont rush