Need advice...boyfriend of 8 months is still legally married?

Question

My boyfriend and his "ex" separated 2 years ago because his wife cheated on him. They are not "legally" separated.

Anyway, in January of this year, he filled out the papers, but has yet to send them.

I don't want to keep nagging him to send them, but it bothers me that he is still married.

What can i do or say to get him to stop procrastinating?

I appreciate all advice that is given. However, I am looking for advice on how to solve this problem, I'm not wanting to break up with him,

Thanks!

Answer 1

I too was in this situation. My boyfriend was married when we started dating. He removed his ring but was in no rush to get a divorce. We eventually talked about it and he was ready to do it, but when the time came his wife said she was going to file the papers. So we took it as a good sign and waited as she had filed the custody papers. Well we ended up waiting almost half a year for her to get the papers done up. She kept telling us she didn't have the money to pay for it when we were paying half just so we could get it over and done with so we could start our lives together with out her. Well the wife finaly got the papers filed and served them to us on Christmas day when we picked up his daughter. I couldn't believe her. She was the one who was 7 months pregnant and already engaged. I took the papers said thanks for the nice Christmas gift and walked out. They are now 100% divirced but the best part for him and I was it was finalized on my birthday and we both couldn't be happier.

I think you should go and get the papers filed and do it if that is what you want. With her saying no to you, means there is something she is getting from you by still be married to you, money the house, car even medical insurance. If you two are no longer in love then go and get the papers done. You will feel so freed when you get the paper saying you are divorced. It gives yo the chance to start fresh and move on with your life just like she has with this new man. Take my advice and file the papers for you and no one else.

Hope this helps you out

Answer 2

I am in this very situation myself.  My wife and I separated Jan 7, 2010.  A year to the date that we separated I asked her if she wanted a divorce and she said no.  She wouldn't really give me a reason.  But she mentioned her aunty and uncle are still legally married and have been living separately for several years.  We have a 16yr old daughter togther, and my daughter understands why we're not together..  Additionally, my wife (ex-wfie??  how do I refer to her now?), is 'seeing' someone now.  Why would she not want a divorce at this point?

As for me, I'm ready to do it.  To me it doesn't seem right to start a new relationship with someone while I am still legally married.  As a result, I'm single.  But ready to start something new.

Any Ideas?

Answer 3

I am going through the exact same thing and don't know what to do. My boyfriend is separated for 2 years.  He has filed the papers (finally).After excuse, after excuse...no money for atty, no money to file on his own, no time.....but he still has not served her yet.  I have tried not to nag him too much. I wanted to wait until after the holidays...but there is always an excuse...

I just don't know what to do.  I moved in with him 6 months ago..as we were planning a future.  My kids were getting their own place.  I love him and don't want to leave, but I don't think he's being fair to me. 

Answer 4

As many of you have, I did a Google search on boyfriends that were still married and i'm surprised at how common this is.  Last night I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months because he is still legally married. Although they have been separated for 2 years and there is no love between them, I realized I was dating someone else's husband.  Regardless of the status of their marriage, they are indeed married in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of the church.  So for all practical purposes I realized I was committing adultery.  

Relationships, marriages and commitments are black and white to me and being married (whether separated or not) is a deal-breaker for me.  I've raised the subject several times with him and he's blamed his wife for the process not going as quickly as it should.  However, he has not hired an attorney to speed up the process b/c after child support is withdrawn from his pay, he's basically broke.

He is a wonderful man and we're compatible in so many ways but despite how well the match feels, he is not available and that's the bottom line.  It was not easy coming to this decision but I see a pattern of procrastination and complacency.  I cannot love this man's potential....i've got to take him at face value.  Right now his face value is married.  That's it.

Answer 5

This question intrigues me hugely - and the responses that have been written!  I have been at both ends of the spectrum.  
I was separated from my husband for 10 years before we divorced.  I have now been with a guy for almost 2 years who I intend to spend the rest of my life with - and he has been separated for 12 years and hasn't divorced!
It was definitely not true in my case that I still had a desire to get back with my husband.  We had a good and amicable relationship only AFTER we separated - our marriage had just run it's course.  But we didn't divorce for many reasons, i) neither of us felt a particular need to do it ii) our daughter (9 when we separated) was upset when we mentioned it iii) pure laziness and procrastination!  
We also both had partners who hinted that we should - but we still didn't think it was a big deal and didn't get round to it.  It wasn't until my ex met someone who absolutely laid down the law and screamed 'divorce!' that we thought "sigh...yeah yeah ok...suppose we'd better".
When my divorce came through I felt great and wished I'd done it years before! I felt totally liberated - but there was no big deal reason about why I hadn't done it before.
Now I'm with someone and I want him to divorce.  I know I'm a hypocrite, I know he has no desire to get back with his ex, but I want him divorced. But I'll just subtlely get the necessary forms and give him astep by step on how to achieve it.  But I won't be leaving him if he doesn't - I know it doesn't mean anything sinister at all.

Answer 6

he is just getting his pepe wet with you; you r wasting your time. his wife is still in the picture and maybe he is still with her, you just don't know it.

Answer 7

Happened to me, he finally said his divorce was finalised found out 2 and half years into it that he was actually still married. He had actually gone to the trouble of creating his own divorce papers loll. Felt so stupid. If someone is really ready to move on they will be wanting to free themselves of any prior commitments and relationships. I decided he was never going to do it. Heartbreaking but it would be worse being someones mistress for the next 10 years