Need advice for toddler with separation anxiety!!!!?

Question

I am a single mother of a son who just turned 22 months old. In talking with his pediatrician, he said that my son is experiencing separation anxiety, but here's where I need advice. He does very well at the daycare, but as soon as I pick him up and get him home he whines and cries almost the entire time until bedtime (about 41/2 hours!!) He's content when I play with him, but when it's time to cook supper and at other times, he whines and cries a lot. I would really appreciate any logical advice on how to deal with his behavior. It's really taking a toll on me. Thanks so much

Answer 1

When my son was 12 months old,   I went back to work and he had separation anxiety for about 1 week but I've heard of it lasting 2 weeks in other babies.    At that point the crying suddenly stopped.    How long has this been going on for with your child?    Let him play with pots and pans while you cook.    Don't give him anything while he's crying.    If he askes for something (e.g,  by pointing if he's not verbal enough)  then let him know that there will be no crying.   The second he is calm, praise him for not crying or whining and being such a big boy.    Catch him being good.    I don't think that taking toys away from him is suppose to work at this age.   They would need to make the connection between naughty behavior and punishment.     For example, if he was was crying an hour ago and can't have certain toys then will he still understand why he was forbidden to play with a toy in the first place.   Usually toddler punishment needs to be done on the spot.   No waiting until later.   I think it would help a lot if you mentioned how long this has been going on for?     Do you think that he's being treated well at day care?    Your question raises more questions.

Answer 2

This is a unfortunate part of toddlers. And that is why babies this age are named the 'terrible two's'. It's a phase and I can't tell you for sure how long it will last.

But I can tell you, I have a 15 month old and a 29 month old and they do the same thing. If I sit down they are fine but when I start cooking, step outside for any reason, and even if I should go to the bathroom and shut them out they will get mad and bang on the door and cry and cry.

I usually tune it out nowadays because I know they are getting more than enough attention and love from me. They have plenty of activities and are well fed, dressed, and rested. I have come to the conclusion that its better to ignore it and tune it out than to get upset. It is quite frustrating at times. Just stick with the same routine all the time every day. Beyond that there is nothing more you can do.

If you discipline or fuss at a 22 month old and scold him then it can have a negative side which is why you should try to offer some diversion. I save junk that I get in the mailbox everyday, like those fake credit cards that banks want you to sign up for, I save all of those and other advertising catalogs etc. And when its time for me to take a shower or to step out to do something or begin cooking, I bring the mail out and ask the kids to help me pay the bills and to manage my paperwork. Kids love it usually. Or I find something like a puzzle or turn on a favorite DVD movie they love.

I agree that kids shouldn't watch too much tv, but when you have things to do and are alone it really helps to keep kids busy and to at least transition to some other activity.

Most importantly you must remember to not just give in. Stick with the same habits and same routines and your child will know what to expect and that he cant control you all the time. Its very important to get things done and for me if I let it slip for an hour, then I get very far behind because I must constantly clean house or it becomes a disaster very fast since I have two monkeys. Set aside special activities specifically for those times when you must get things done.

Answer 3

I think that you  should just talk with him about his crying. At 22 months they can understand the "be a big boy" talk. He might just need alittle more mommy and me time during the weekends

Answer 4

When you are cooking, give him some pots and pans so he can cook too!  Give him a wooden spoon and put a little water and dish soap in them to make bubbles.  He knows that if he cries, he will get your attention.  Tell him "this is not how we behave" and then ignore him.  His screaming will get worse, but once he realizes you won't pay attention to him...he will try something new.  Once he behaves, give him positive attention and praise!!

Answer 5

I agree with Thomas. Let him know that it's not ok to whine for attention. You will spoil him if you jump to comfort him all the time.

Answer 6

as a parent you need to scold him for that type of behaviour.  Take away his toys until he stops.  Make sure he realizes it is not ok to cry for you attention