Need advice form lawyer/scientists about my trained monkeys?

Question

OK, Here's the thing. I have 5 trained monkeys and they like to run with scissors. I know that there is some rule that says that you aren't supposed to run with scissors in the house, but my question is, does this same rule apply to monkeys and if so, what will be the legal ramifications? Should I be getting lawyers for my monkeys?

Answer 1

Although common sense dictates it, there is no law that forbids running with scissors.  However, it is illegal for your monkeys to steal, so you better tell them to watch it.  I can't prove it yet, but I know they're responsible for my missing bananas.

P.S. I'm still waiting for that picture regarding your previous question.

Answer 2

Don't bother with the monkey lawyer.  The monkeys would just cut up all his legal papers. Find them an orangutan to teach them origami instead.

Answer 3

Well if you trained them to run with scissors then you have a problem, monkeys like sharp objects. But as you know monkeys have the habit of throwing their p**p - there in lies the problem, soon they will be throwing scissors around at each other.

A good primate attorney is advisable, especially in the event of accidental primate puncture due to mischief. You really should get primate puncture insurance to cover damages and legal costs, unless of course if you live in Oklahoma where it is perfectly legal to puncture a primate.

Answer 4

I think those mushrooms I ate were dodgy.I thought someone was talking about monkeys and scissors. Im off to bed.

Answer 5

OMG!!!"OMG" IS BACK !!!!! I know a story for real that one of my sisters told me about a man who had several monkeys. He finally had to give them away when they all latched onto a chandelier and used the bathroom up there & it landed all over his carpet and furniture. I didn't make this up..it really happened. So...I hope you don't have any chandeliers.

Since you're so bored...why don't you try writing a book.?..You have the imagination of a comic book writer.