Need advice from mature individuals about a situation.?

Question

I've been with my significant other for four years.And we recently had a conversation about children.So I said,"When are we going to have some children?"So,to make a long story short,he was like,"I'm not going to be waiting all day."He has me by some years,so I was just telling him that I'm not having any children until I am financially stable and have a career going on,you know.But the bottom line is, I was and still is, hurt by this. Because I feel as though, how can a person who says that they love you,this and that,but isn't willing to wait for you to have children.I believe that a man should want to wait on his lady to reproduce,right?We reallyain'tt finish the conversation,so how can talk to him about this?All advice is appreciated.Thank you.

Answer 1

I think it might be a good idea for the two of you to sit down and talk calmly about having kids. It really sounds to me like communication is lacking. How old are you? How old is he? These are all factors. Please be very sure you are in a good relationship before you have kids. Kids are for life, most relationships are not.

Answer 2

Easy answer to a relatively easy question so no sense in you and anyone trying to sugar coat it. I have been married 20 years and I wouldn't put up with your position in a relationship for one second.

There are only three reason to get married and these are 1) companionship 2) s*x 3) to have children.

What this comes down to, and I know that you are not going to like this at all, but it comes down to you being selfish and you have breached the most scared thing in your marriage and this is allowing your husband to have children with you and when he wants to have children with you.

Personally, I would give you just one month to cooperate and make the  effort to get pregnant or I would file for divorce from you in a New York second. I would never be with a woman who didn't allow me to have a child. If fact, you may have already damaged his trust in you by playing a power position by even bringing this up that you "want to wait". Money and being financially stable have nothing to do with this. You are wrong in your position, he is right in his position and you may not even deserve to have children based on your terrible attitude. I personally would get rid of you and "kick you to the curb" now and not tomorrow because you have already shown that you are unworthy to have a marriage, keep a marriage and have children...which is the greatest blessing in life. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Tell him what you want to accomplish (career wise) before you want children. Tell him in details so he would not think that you are just changing the subject. To have some sort of direction will probably give him some satisfaction.

Answer 4

Dear Smarty,

The appropriate answer is marriage first, then children.  If your plan is to become financially stable and have the career you want first, although getting the education (and career) is important, don't overplan your readiness to get married first, THEN have children because it'll never happen if you do.  Then, when you least expect it, you'll come up pregnant and ill prepared.  

Discuss your priorities, work to attain them in a timely manner, and meet you goals in the order you set together.  In the meantime, don't do anything stupid.    

Answer 5

Sounds like you aren't even married yet, so I don't think can expect kids before that.

Still, it is a good idea to decide on when/ how many kids to have before marriage.

If he is wanting them soon, and you aren't, then it is something to work out before marriage.

I don't know how old you or he is, but I think a good age for having kids is late twenties to early thirties, after you get a career path started, but before you start looking at retirement before the kid is out of college.

It is not a bad idea to wait until some amount of financial security, but that is often an excuse by those not really interested, and it is vague. Perhaps you can define financial security better, and maybe put a date on when you will drop "financial security" issues, in the event you don't get there before it start to gets too late for having kids.

Answer 6

Okay so the truth is, you don't really want to have kids.

You want your career, & money to decide your life.

People that use the good old excuse that they want to be financially stable is just that an excuse not to have kids.

Nothing is guaranteed in this world, no life, no job, & no child, not even your partner.

You should be living for today cause today is all you really have.

Answer 7

tel him the benefits of being financial stable and having a child because you don't want the feeling of being of having a child and you can't even take care of yourself yet and just tell him how much better it will be and no you are not wrong because you do not want t be on welfare and poor and if it get worse tell him he has to work harder to get that P***Y and tease him so you know he will stay or just use a condom until you are stable    

Answer 8

he wants a family.  and his vision of a family includes kids.

you will never be financially stable enough for kids.  it just doesn't happen (well maybe for some lucky individuals).  financially most people struggle from paycheck to paycheck, and waiting 10 years doesn't necessarily change that.  the only thing that will be different is that you will be driving a better car (with a more expensive car payment) and living in a better house (with a bigger mortgage).

you can't put the future on hold indefinitely.  

sure he should wait for you, but keep in mind that it's more important that your relationship is solid and long-lasting before you bring a child into the equation.  and as far as having children with your "significant other", well what's he waiting for?  he should have asked you to marry him first.

so first and foremost, your best and most effective argument against having children is that you insist on being married before having a child.  and if either of you does not want marriage, then you shouldn't even be having the "child conversation" in the first place.

Answer 9

He wants children before he gets to old and he's starting to feel that age.Also a wife should give there men children.you should also be more understanding to that.I know you might be up set with him about it but having children is a part of life.

Answer 10

Ouch.  Umm.  I think you should set a time line on getting serious about this issue. You definitely need a good career to fall back on.  Is he willing to change careers or cut back his hours in order to help with childrearing?  Nowadays, the worst thing you can do is rely on your other half for your life needs.  Jaded but true.  I would say, five years into a relationship (preferably) married is a good time to get serious about having children.  Good luck!..

Answer 11

His bio clock is ticking lol!

Anyways I think since you want to wait you should!  B/c in the end you will be the one that is taking care of the kids the most!  So wait, he has to see it from your point of view as well!