Need advice on a new family

Question

A few months ago I invited my girlfriend and 2 kids (5 and 1.5 y/o boys) to move in with me. I also I have a 6 year old son that stays with me on the weekends and sometimes during the week. My son is good more often than not, but when they are playing together they tend to get into all kinds trouble. Her oldest son by her own accord is a brat. Her parents helped raise him when she was going thru some rough times and we all know how well that works out. I know he cause a lot of the problems but I cant punish just him w/o showing favoritism toward my son. It's come down to separating them and not letting them play together. So what do I need to do to stop this before it starts causing stress on the relationship?

Answer 1

Your gf has to be made to realise that her son is causing a rumpus under your roof, and she needs to get a grip of the situation, She has to see that own son has the priorities here, and her sons behaviour could cause problems with your relationship. It is possible that her boy feels insecure, so maybe you could make a move to bring him onside and try to join him in more on weekend activities.

Answer 2

You need to move your girlfriend and her 2 kids out of your house. It's already bad enough that your son is not with you 24/7/365. It's worse now that he has to share his space and compete with some strangers.

I can't believe that you have a problem showing favoritism toward your own son! If you don't who will? If you don't get them out soon, your son will be throwing this mess in your face in the future - exactly where it belongs. He is a child and has no control. Your are and adult who has control over your decisions and behaviors. Right now, your behavior says "I value my girlfriend over my flesh and blood." That is not a good message.  

Answer 3

that boy hasnt had a father figure in his life to show him what is acceptable and what isnt, you need to set them down and lay out the ground rules and what will happen if you need to enforce them, be very clear, also so that mamma understands that you mean business, not that your being mean but  their is the respect that you have to maintain, i hope that things go well for you and your new family, good luck and God Bless

Answer 4

Kids will be kids and they will get into trouble and honestly sometimes boys more than girls . You have a blended family and must treat each child as your own , that goes for you and for her . The "trouble maker " must de diciplined and taught how to play with the others without making trouble . Keeping them separated will not help because they need to learn to play together and grow together . Be patient with him and realise too that he may be feeling anxiety too with this new arrangement and may be acting out to get attention . When he acts up separate him for a short time 5-10 minutes , making him sit somewhere quiet , and let him come back and play with the others .Do the same for all the children in your home .It will not be corrected quickly but they will learn eventually to get along . Be consitant in your dicipline , you and your wife , and it will get better . Good Luck and God Bless.  

Answer 5

talk with your     friend and the two sons all together and see what wuld be best for everyone.

xoxo,

- <3

Answer 6

You need to talk with your girlfriend about your personal philosophies, including how to handle disciplining someone else's kid. Usually moms respect each other's perspectives since we are trying to do our best for our kids. Make sure that you aren't judging her parenting because that's the shortest way to ending the friendship.

Answer 7

Your girlfriend could take her children out on the weekends or you can take your own son somewhere to have fun. Forbidding to play with each other while they are together might send the wrong message for all of the kids, embarrassing for the "bad" one empowering to good one. I think they are too young to understand your principles. I think the stress is already causing problems, talk to your girlfriend about the issue, but not in front of the kids. It would be a hard situation, even if the kid would be yours.

Answer 8

if you know witch one started it punish him but if you are not sure punish both and explain that when they fight you will bust booth's bottoms and remember to only warn once and then get them

Answer 9

i have a 4yr old son and i used to date someone who had a child as well and i really didnt care much for him trying to punish my son. he is my son, my responsibility, case closed. this man was not his father, and i just wasnt comfortable with him telling my kid what to do. i dont know if my feelings are common or if i overreacted, but its just the way i felt.. and how i still feel.

nobody knows my child as well as i do, and i find that some people dont have the patience to deal with other people's kids (whether they are step kids, a girlfriend's kid or just a relative) they way they normally deal with their own. i guess alot depends on how long you have been dating her, and how she feels about you punishing her child.

if i were you i'd ask her if she has a problem with it, and if she says yes then i would ask her how she thinks you should handle it.. or if you should handle it at all. maybe she should just go on punishing her own kids, and you do the same. if her kids get out of line then tell her so right away because punishing a kid for something that happened yesterday or two hours ago, does nothing to make them behave any better because they dont really understand what they're being punished for.

just try to talk to her.. now if she doesnt take matters into her own hands and doesnt punish her child accordingly then i would just find someone new, because you guys will never see eye to eye if you both dont agree on how to parent the children.

Answer 10

u r right

just tell ur son not to play with this kid