Need advice on new step mom?

Question

I'm a 14 yr old girl and my dad is an ex alcholic hes been with this girl for a couple of years now shes not mean or anything but im really uneasy its just so weird for me especially since he has been gone for awhile i just really need advice on how to act with her and i dont know how to them i dont want to be in the wedding i dont hate her shes pretty cool but i already have a mom and i dont want to have a connection with my stepmom cause what if my mom feels bad i just be so grateful for advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation

Answer 1

my hubby had a 3 yr old daughter when we got married.  she came to stay with us when she was 14.  i never pretended to be her mom, but i was the female figure she connected to when she was with us.  she knew i wasn't her mom, didn't call me mom, didn't pretend to be my daughter.  we (father, daugher and i) talked about what role i had in her life.  her father and i were married i was (am) his wife, i wasn't going to bow out because of her.  her mom and i talked about my role in her (daughters) life.  if you can all sit down and discuss, it would really help.  your mom might even appreciate your step mom, being a mom figure to her when she is not able to be there with you.  to this day she is 20 now, when she calls her dad she still asks to talk to me.  i love her like she was my own.

good luck, and try to be nice, cuz remember she is still your father's wife and he loves her, so try not to cause problems.  you want your father happy.

Answer 2

Just treat her like any other human being.

I know its hard for you, but one day you will maybe be a step mom so you will understand how hard it is for her too.

Maybe you could offer to watch a movie with her - you'll be spending time but you don't have to talk to her or anything like that.

maybe you could ask her to take you shopping, that way you could have a "bonding" experience

Just remember SHE is NOT trying to be your mom, she never will be, BUT you need to respect her because she is the adult and you are the child.

You don't have to be her Friend, but you don't have to be her enemy either, just remember she is the one keeping your dad on track and happy so you should like her for that at least.  

Answer 3

Cut the c**p.  You are already in the situation whether you like it or not.  Quit worrying about how your mother is going to feel.  She is a big girl.  You don't have to call your step mom Mom or Mother, you can call her by her name.  For your dads sake (and yours), you need to chill out and be friends with her.  Then you will not stress so much.  So, your connection with her can be as friends as you are holding the motherly love for you mom.

Answer 4

This woman knows you have a mother, and isn't going to try to take her place. You know she has a mother also, and knows that no one can take her place.  Before you make any decisions if you like her or not, get to know her first. Give her a chance, just like you would any other friend. Your Dad has found someone to share his life with, and she must be good for him, if he isn't drinking anymore. Get to know your Dad all over again, because, he isn't the same guy he was before. Drinking can make a person different and when they sober up, they realize what a difficult person they where at times. Just try to have a good time with them, and don't make any problems for them.  Talk to your Mom about this, and tell her how you feel, she'll help you through this also.  

Answer 5

Treat like you would anybody else, please don't ignore her existence (my daughter is a step mom). She has nothing to do with what happened between your mom and dad. But she is there because your dad loves her. Out of respect for your dad, I think you should go to the wedding.

Answer 6

I'm a stepdad, and my stepdaughter sang at our wedding. It took some time to win her over, but I was committed to both her mother as a wife and to her as a daughter.

It sounds like your father hasn't brought his new love interest into your life as a mom figure. That might help explain why you don't want to participate in the wedding. You haven't been included from the beginning, so why start now? Is that how you're feeling.

Maybe talk to you dad about this and see if he can make more of an effort at bringing you into the family he's trying to build with this woman.  

Answer 7

She's not there to replace your mom.  You can treat her with the respect that you treat other adults.  You can also have a connection with her, you won't be replacing your mother.

She could also be having thoughts about how she should be around you.  She could be asking herself: does my boyfriend's child like me?  I hope she doesn't think I want to replace her mother.

When I first met my husband's kids, I had presents for them.  Nothing fancy, just some toys.  We got to know each other slowly and while we didn't always like each other, we are close now.  They know that I can never replace their mom but they know that I make their dad happy and they respect that.  I also respect the relationship they have with mom and I don't overstep my boundaries.

Answer 8

You should talk to your dad. He will probably be pretty understanding of your concerns.  

Answer 9

i am a step mom to a 9 yr old year little girl that i adore that sad thing is she doesnt want to have anything to do with me 1 she doesnt like sharing her daddy 2 she has never had her mom in her life and that is all that this little girl wants 3 i have boys of my own so she is no longer the only child to her father and she refuses to accept it. so what do i do... nothing accept it. if she only knew i would never try to replace her mom i just want to be her friend.