Need clean joke for meeting tomorrow?

Question

Meeting theme is 'my best day'...looking for clean jokes that take no longer than 2-3 mins to read. Should be 'office friendly.' Thanks!

Answer 1

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,

The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

"Where's my toast ?"

Answer 2

i have few try these if they can do the trick~~!!!!!!!!

joke1

A secretary was leaving the office one Friday evening when she encountered Mr. Jones, the Human Resources manager, standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said Mr. Jones, "this is important, and my secretary has already left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the secreatry. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said Mr. Jones as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

joke2

Project Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch

goes to the cafeteria for coffee.

He relaxes in canteen.

He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.

So he decides to have fun with him.

He calls him.



Then The Discussion Goes Like This

Project Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?

Canteen boy smiles...



Project Manager - what are your future plans?

Canteen boy keeps quiet...

Project Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Canteen boy gives a cold stare.

Project Manager – In The Beginning When I came Here (BNGLR)…



I Don't Have Anything…....



And Now…



I Have Everything….Like…Money…Fame…



And What Do U Have Huh

Scroll down to find out his answer















.

Don't think that

he answered like Shashi Kapoor of

Deewar ki "Mere paas  Maa hain"



Scroll Down To See Answer...

.















Canteen boy – " Sir…..I Have Work "



Project Manager leaves the cafeteria silently.......

Answer 3

can't think of any right now but go to www.comedycentral.com and you can look for jokes  

Answer 4

How about some Yo Mama jokes? Like...

Yo Mama so stupid she stayed up all night studying for her blood test!

Yo Mama so fat that when she stepped out of the shower her feet were still dry!

You Mama so old her pets were on Noah's Ark!

:)

Answer 5

Once there was a little red man, who lived in a little red house in a little red neighbourhood. Every morning he got out of his little red bed, went down his little red stairs and made his little red breakfast. Upon finishing his little red breakfast, he would make his way back up his little red stairs into his little red bathroom and turn on his little red shower. Stripping down to his little red bare self, he then hopped in his little red shower.

One morning in particular at this time there came a knock on his little red door. So he jumped out of his little red shower, put on his little red towel and raced down his little red stairs to open up his little red door, only to find a green avon lady standing there. At that point a gust of wind blew his little red towel off and onto his little red floor. The green avon lady gasped in horror at what she saw, turned around quickly, ran across the road and got hit by a truck.........

And the moral of the story is?

DON'T cross the street whilst the little red man is flashing! :)

Answer 6

American VS Japanese Management.



The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready.

The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.

So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem....

Answer 7

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you like you can $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on.

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Your Dad

Good Luck,

                Hancock