Need family help...Moral issues?

Question

My parents have went through a messy divorce that took 3 years to complete and some real estate business is still in the works. Over that time, my two sisters and I had very limited communication with our dad. We could have talked to him if we wanted to, but we chose not to. Recently, my younger sister got married and her husband encouraged a relationship with our father and both her and I had started to talk with him. My oldest sister still does not communicate with him.

My oldest sister is getting married today. I currently live with my dad, and he and his girlfriend support me. He was not invited to the wedding. While I feel this is wrong, I still am going to go to the wedding because she is my sister. Today, my father came in and told me he did not support the wedding and he would not let me use his girlfriend's car to go to the wedding. This is okay because I was getting a ride anyway. But his conversation didn't end there. He told me whether I went or not, I would be hurting one party either way. This doesn't seem fair to me and I'm really not sure what to do.

Answer 1

you go to the wedding you shouldn't have to be in the middle. your not hurting your dad your sister is tell him that. you are going because she is your sister and he should understand

Answer 2

You need to let your Dad know that his relationship with his eldest child has nothing to do with you, and that if he is upset about not being invited, he needs to talk to the person that didn't invite him.  I think that would be your sister.  Do not allow him to influence the relationship with the rest of your family.  He has to find his own way with them.

Answer 3

You do what you choose to do.  Your Father has no right to even suggest that you miss your sister's wedding to spare his feelings!  He's the adult here and why your sister won't talk to him is between him and her and has nothing to do with you!  If her were any kind of a good Father, he wouldn't be in this position in the first place!  If my kids wouldn't talk to me, I'd be bending over backwards to get things fixed with them.  Nothing is more important than my children!!

Answer 4

Did your Dad do something horrible to your sister? If not then I think your sister needs to get over the divorce and to stop hurting your Dad as payback.

You should tell your Dad that it really bothers you that she didn't invite him the the wedding, but that it's your sister and that he should respect that you want to go to her wedding. Tell him that your sister and he may one day mend their relationship but you will never be able to undo not going to her wedding.

Maybe he should write her a kind letter with a cash gift and you can drop it into the pile. Someone has to start the healing process.

Answer 5

I can see why your sister disowned him...

What an immature man/father.

Answer 6

tell your dad some people are expecting you to be at the party and that this divorce problem is not suppose to hurt anyone else's feelings.tell him you respect his desire while you think you need to go to the wedding.

and ask him want he exactly means by one party,if he's involving everyone else in the divorce issue?

Answer 7

That was childish of your father to make you feel guilty for supporting your sister.  Yes, he probably is hurt by the fact that he does not have a relationship with her or she does not want to talk to him, he also needs to realize that he obviously did something pretty bad in the first place to cause that.  (Especially since all the kids stopped talking to him)  

If I were you I would tell him not to put the guilt trip on you and that while you do wish that he and your sister would talk, you are not going to force that on her, especially on her wedding day.  Tell him that it is wrong of him to try and come between you and your sister and to make you feel like you are "betraying him".  And while your at it, tell him to grow the F up.  

Answer 8

Did he divorce your mom because of this girlfriend? Either way, he is still very hurt and feels rejected by your sisters actions. It is absolutely unfair of him to put this off on you. Go, have as good a time as you can given the circumstances, and when you get home, don't talk about the wedding. It would be like rubbing his nose in it.

Answer 9

If it were me, I'd go to the wedding. Tell your father you love them both and it would not be fair to you if either one of them asked you to choose sides. It's horrible that your sister didn't invite your father, and I wonder what exactly caused the divorce. But divorce in general is not a reason to drop your father out of your life. Especially not at a momentous occasion like her wedding.

But for you, this is not your argument you know? Go to the wedding and tell your father that you can't be stuck in the middle. Tell him you support both of them and that you've given your opinion about the situation to your sister, but it is not up to you to make that decision for her. He has to respect your wishes to be there for both of them.