Need female point of view. What is a guy to do?

Question

This has comes up several times. My wife says that I do not initiate s*x. I try and she say I'm too tired. A day or two later I try again with the same response. Or, I try and she'll say later. Later never comes!

We talk about it and she'll say that she can get into it once we start going. Next time she is too tired. I'll give up and she'll say I never initiate. What's a guy to do?

Answer 1

Ask her if there's a time when she's not tired. She probably really is tired! Go to bed earlier. Take her away even just for a night at a hotel. She might need a break, and a little romantic getaway is always fun. Initiate a weekend getaway, and she'll wake right up- guaranteed.

Answer 2

Sounds to me like she has a serious problem. Could she be cheating? Sorry, but that comes to mind. Id love a massage and I like s*x everyday. Cant live w/o it. Sounds like u r trying your best and for what ever reason she aint into it. Is she depressed or have any medical condition or has she been under undo stress??

Answer 3

what "a guy should do" is just love her all the time. if you love her, show her. it is hard to explain. we think differently. don't just go for her body parts. tell her how you love her. she says once you get into it, she is into it too. just keep trying.

Answer 4

That's a first the woman is usually the 1 not to initiate, but y can't she initiate the s*x, and maybe on one of those days that she says no she is really meaning yes and playing mind games be persistent.

Answer 5

be more spontaneous, like in the middle of the day or when you are on your way home from the store, just you and her.  Try not to make your moves after a long   day.  Set the mood, light some candles turn the lights down.

Answer 6

  I think there is a problem.  Maybe she is looking for a little more agression from you.  Like, don't ask her to make love - just grab her around her waste and kiss her neck, etc.   Also, some women do not like s*x first thing in the morning or right after thier shower while they are getting ready for work.  If she still will not budge, then confront (keep a log book of the turn downs) her and tell her that you are feeling very neglected and your needs are not being met in the marriage.  She will probably open up more to you then.  

Answer 7

My husband and I actually talked about this not too long ago and it turned out that our ideas of initiation were totally different.  She may think she's sending you all the signals to let you know that tonight is the night and then get disappointed that you aren't picking them up.  Also, do you have children?  We've got two, and I have to say, things that didn't used to be s**y suddenly are.  Like when he comes home from work, takes over the parenting responsibilities and tells me to get out of the house for awhile.  He doesn't care if I go walk around the mall, ride my bike, or go to a coffee shop, it's the idea that I can regain my sanity and identity for a couple of hours.  I'm more more excited to get home and to bed with him on those days than the days that all I've done is clean up after people, change diapers and make food.

I have to laugh about the massage and no hanky panky.  Do you know Brad Paisley's music at all?  He has a song that has a line about that

"But when you say a backrub means only a backrub

Then you swat my hand when I try.

Honey what can I say

At the end of the day

Remember, I'm still a guy."

Answer 8

I think she doesn't  care about you.   I tell my husband I don't feel well.  And use that as my excuse.  Sometimes it's true.   But the real truth is I don't want to be with him.  Because when a person likes someone, tired or not you do it.   s*x isn't like running a marathon.

Now for the real reasons your wife has,  only you and her know.

Answer 9

,mMMH i think u should talk about it and let her say whats her problem ,go for couseling it might help

Answer 10

I feel so bad for you. She is so selfish, why do you have to romance her and not her romance you? Why do you have to initiate it and do candles, baths or other b.s.? Why do you have to try so hard to get her to engage in s*x. Isn't she supposed to be happy to do it? Is it a chore for her? "I'm tired" is most definitely an excuse. When I'm tired, my partner just starts off by giving me oral, that requires only spreading my legs and enjoy and that gives me energy and desire to please him and engage into intercourse when I'm tired at least for a short session.

Wow, it's amazing to me how men need to jump through hoops to get laid with their wives.

Answer 11

Try telling her how much you appreciate all that she does for you.  And how much you miss her.  And miss being inside of her.  Then, find out when she has energy.  Like for me, it's soon after dinner or in the morning when I sleep in on the weekends.

Most importantly, don't do things for her as a means to an end.  We women can see right through that.  Do things without expecting anything in return.  Be sincerely generous and watch her face just light up!  We women know you have needs.  We have needs too...emotional needs of love and appreciation.

Good luck and God Bless you both.

Answer 12

My husband says that too.

Are you doing what he is doing?? He will say hey lets do it, I say oh, I'm tired, he gives up...

I am not tired...I am looking for a different approach. if he would just come over and kiss me that is all it would take. He just gives up too easy when i am trying to play hard to get.

Answer 13

Have you thought about romancing her first, or more often? I know most guys would just wanna grab his girl and StickItIn. If thats the case, I'd say 'later' too. When the almighty RodIsHard, DON'T just try your old s*x moves, thats boring and it doesn't get me hot, as a matter of fact its the turnoff of the year! Be creative and romance me then romance IT.  

Answer 14

Your wife seems kind of selfish--yet at the same time wants to blame you for it, at least in my opinion.  

That being said, if you're not getting enough s*x, that's a big problem.  She's not (apparently) willing to figure out the problem, and isn't inconvenienced by the lack of s*x, so this leaves you to be the detective.  Assuming that she hasn't always been this disinterested in s*x, her recent decline in interest could be due to one or many causes.  It could be that you're unwittingly doing something that's turning her off.  If every sexual encounter is the same; if you always kiss her in the same way--mix it up a little.  Kiss her somewhere unusual.  Tease her a little bit.  Don't go straight for the most sensitive parts, brush your lips on her neck or inside of the elbows.  Flirt and joke with her a little bit at other times in the day so she'll be more receptive to your advances later.  If her first interaction with you is a come-on, she's much more likely to reject it, because sheesh--hi?  Nice weather we're having?  No!  No p***s for me, thanks.      

Another possibility that she isn't getting what she needs from the encounters you've been having (be it physical or emotional).  I can't help you with this; I can't even figure my own self out sometimes.  Try to be observant and ask lots of questions, and maybe you'll figure out what your wife wants sexually, if you don't already know.  Keep in mind that those things will likely change over time, and that variety is the spice of life.  

Sometimes people who are out of shape have a plummet in s*x drive.  Encourage her to go for a nice walk, or bike riding with you, or some sort of sport or exercise that's enjoyable to you both.  Dancing lessons might be a real hit.  I bet you are a tango machine!  

Another possibility is that you're a total slob and she's "tired" of cleaning up after you, and/or having to do all of the child care or cooking.  In all seriousness, it's hard to get excited about somebody that you're having to clean up after all the time.  Oftentimes, women find it harder to get into the mood if the house is a mess.  If she has to spend an hour or more a day doing your laundry and picking up after you and cleaning and taking your kids to soccer practice and changing diapers, you could consider, you know, doing 50% of the domestic labor.  Ask her if you look incredibly handsome washing the dishes, or what.  

I read somewhere that if partners hug each other for 30 seconds, it releases a small flood of endorphins and makes them feel more connected to each other.  Maybe you could try this (though perhaps without the benefit of a stopwatch).  

My last suggestion is to attempt to initiate some hanky panky earlier in the afternoon.  Some people's body clocks decide that it's sleepy time at 8 or 9 PM.  This will help you determine if she's just making excuses.  If she still brushes you off, definitely call her out on the "you never initiate s*x" thing.  It should really (in theory) not be solely one person's job to initiate s*x.  If you're not having a satisfying s*x life, this is a major problem and I highly recommend getting counseling before every woman starts looking like a delicious juicy steak to you.

Answer 15

My wife does that too and boy do I try hard. I'm probably the most romantic guy in this city just to make something happen.  The last time?  two years ago . . .. . That's what you have to look forward to.

Answer 16

I hear you!

My man said the same thing to me....and same response as you get from your wife!  Although he is depressed so I guess that's fair enough...but still! Frustrating.

Answer 17

Maybe she is cheating?

Answer 18

It seems to me that maybe you're not initiating it quite right. Have you tried surprising her by lighting candles in your room and having a massage waiting for her? How about a bath with chocolates? If you can first get her to be romantically happy, you can get her to want you sexually, too. Make it fun. Don't just turn to her when you're both about to go to sleep and ask "can we have s*x please?"

I don't know what you're wife is like, but when my husband comes behind me and kisses my neck and caresses me, whispering in my ear "you're going to take your clothes off..." etc etc, I really do want it, even if I didn't feel like it previously! Be in command, but make it fun and s**y. Good luck!

Answer 19

Hmmm maybe you should try to initiate it with some candlelight and some flowers .Do something nice for her then initiate,you catch more flys with honey than you do with vinigar

Answer 20

Start out by giving her a massage and work your way into it....even when I am tired and my husband starts out this way, it normally turns into more when otherwise I would have not wanted to do anything.

Answer 21

start with her first thing that day........in the morning when you wake up, give her a kiss, hug her before you leave the house.........then as the day goes on...send her a txt and ask what color are her panties...you know...FLIRT with her.....ask her where she wants you to kiss her when you see her tonight.....keep sending little s**y txt msgs to get her heated (only YOU know what she likes or what turns her on)

that way by the time you get home.......it will be on and poppin' and she'll be ready for her 'big daddy'

Answer 22

Already she blames you...get a PI and have the investigator follow her as she probably has a bf.