Need help about a friends marriage?

Question

I have a friend that call me with ever time she has marriage problem. I don't care if she calls me.She is my best friend. I have a great marriage. I been with me hubby for 8 years. Her and hubby slit up get back together. They just got back together about 2 months and now she is unhappy again. She wants to get a divorced and move in with this guy she only knew for 6 months.They only seen each other 4 times. He calls her only one he wants to and them he tell her that he is love with her. Now he wont answer her phone calls. Then she calls me crying about it. I don't know what to tell her. I need help.

Answer 1

you need to encourage your friend to attempt to save her current marriage.  She needs to understand the time she spends focusing on the other man is time she could spend thinking of ways to repair her marriage.  Another person being involved with a marriage is never a good thing...she needs to also understand the man she is looking for is not much of man to tell a married woman he "loves her"...especially after 6 months.  She needs to try to communicate with her husband the problems they have and try to get to the source of her unhappiness without putting a band aid on the problems...if her husband is the source of her unhappiness she needs to understand why...if they were happy enough at one time to get married they need to find that same spark they had in the past.  Good Luck!

Answer 2

tell her that unfortunately you have never been in this situation so any advise you can give is completely groundless and without experience.  I would just try to avoid her for a little while.

Answer 3

ok well I know that it is hard to be mean and let a best friend down. But to me I think that you are never sure about a person. even if you known them for years or just now. love is blind it makes people do things and think that they are so crazy in love but no. I think you should just tell your friend that she should just get over that guy and move on...

Answer 4

Difficult friends, bring difficult times. I know that for the most part people like us, like to "be there" for our friends, we want to have the right words that will make everything OK. But face it, there are some things we just can't do and enabling a friend along this path is one of them. A wise philosopher once said "Trying to apply reason to insanity, is like trying to keep a candle lit in a hurricane. Your friend is in crisis, probably doesn't know it (yet) and calls you for a cuddle session. She knows you care and will be willing to go the full yard with her. One thing I would convey to her is that her life / behavior is out of control. She obviously doesn't see the fact that she needs to conclude the current relationship and "get her head together" or she will repeat the old behavior again. Well enough said, the down side is even worse. She is looking to the newly evolving relationship as an escape hatch for the current relationship, once the "deed / divorce" is done she will soon enough realize what a mess her life is / was becoming. And hurt herself and others more in the process by trying to leave the currently evolving relationship. Humans are funny creatures, we reach for the parachute rip cord far to often, only after we have already hit the ground and our lives ruined. My advice to you, is just be a distant friend for now, be there for her but be there for you too. Protect your loved ones and concerns from the spill over from your friends crisis. There is no amount of good advice or "reasoning" that will help your friend right now, short of suggesting some professional counseling of some sort. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

what do you want to tell her?

do you like that she is loose?

sounds to me like she likes drama, and is possibly bi polar

tell to see a shrink and to put that effort into her marraige,

and not to call you for awhile because it will bring bad karma into your relationship

Answer 6

Tell her that her marriage might work better if she quits dating other men.  She sounds very codependent to need to have the next one lined up.  The dude isn't interested in being with her full time, that's why he picked someone who is married.

Answer 7

Be honest. I have been married for 17 years. We have never split. If you are unable to work things out when you are together, you can't do it apart. She is not upset because  of this other guy, she is just unhappy and afraid to be alone. That is normal but she should find peace within herself before getting caught up in another insecure relationship.

Answer 8

Your friend is an immature idiot and you'll be better off if you stay away from her.  She wants to move in with a man she honestly doesn't even know yet - oh, that's brilliant.  But he won't take her phone calls and she doesn't understand.

Maybe you should point out to her that this guy never saw her as a soul-mate or a partner.  He saw her as a cheap piece of @$$.  And now that she wants to move in with him all the time, he's going to ignore her until she goes away.  He doesn't want to live with her.

She doesn't have the maturity to be married.  She can't decide who she wants or what she wants or whether she wants anything at all.

So after you point out to her that "Superboy" from the internet isn't interested in living with her, why don't you point her to a good therapist?  She needs some serious help to figure out why she is so unhappy with herself and with everyone in her life.  She also needs someone to point out to her that until she gets herself mentally and emotionally healthy, she needs to stop dating and s******g around.  

Look, I've had friends like your friend before.  Once their marriage gets to this point, they're not happy until everyone around them is miserable and getting divorced.  Give her some straight talk about the new guy, get her to find a therapist, and then get her out of your life before she starts picking apart your marriage.  She can come back when she's grown up and healthy, but not before.

Answer 9

Tell her she needs to update her relationship skills and the best way to do that is go to counselling. Preferably with her husband.