Need help...any advice on how to be nicer to spouse?

Question

My husband and I have been married a little over a year. Ever since our daughter was born, we seem to be just not nice to each other anymore. He irritates me and i irritate him. We try to be nice, but it's like we forget sometimes. like i will answer him sassy. and he will too. I know we're both tired but we shouldnt treat each other badly. We argue and then we try to talk things through, but most times, if i tell him how I feel about something, he gets annoyed because "i;m making him feel bad." then when he wants to say something, he tells me how something i did or said makes him feel, i will say "thats not waht i meant" he tells me but thats how you made me feel. its like he can tell me but if i tell him i'm making him feel bad.

any constructive advice on how to get along better and just be nicer? thank you

Answer 1

Time to grow up and stop playing games. Try and be nice to him for 1 day and see what happens. If it continues divorce so your child doesnt have to listen to the both of you and continue the disfunction in their relationships when he or she grows up.

Answer 2

You guys should both read that book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.  In relationships she says it's important to really focus on the positive in each other and look past the negative, even keeping a daily journal of all of the reasons why you love your partner and are grateful they are in your life.  It's not like the bad will just fade away, but if you are both wanting to change and participate in this, it can do wonders for your relationship.  Also, look at your child and realize you guys are a family now, how powerful is that?  Good luck!

Answer 3

Sometimes, silence is golden.  The dynamics of the situation has changed.  Your lives have changed dramatically since the birth of your daughter.  You may want to go to counseling if that will help.  You need to listen to each other without interrupting each other.  You both have valid feelings.  How something is perceived by the other is what is real to them no matter how you meant whatever it was you said.  Sometimes it is not only what you say but how you say it.  The tone of your voice, the inflection of the tone.  It may sound nit picky, but it matters.  Arguing and treating each other like this around the baby is not good for her.  Babies pick up on many things that we have no idea about.  You don't want her living in a "war zone" do you?  If for no other reason, figure this out for her sake.

Answer 4

Just give it time. When people are new parents they become overwhelmed. This happens a lot! But remember the reason why you guys got married and have a baby. The baby is the proof of your love. Be patient, and if necessary bite your tongue. We say things we don't mean when we're really upset. So good luck to you.

Answer 5

Sometimes you just have to laugh off the b*tchiness.  When I get really snappy with my husband he'll come right close to me, put his finger in my face, and say "don't sass me girl".  But he always has a smirk when he says it.  Or he'll try to karate chop me.  It's stupid but it makes me laugh.  If he just snapped back at me it would never end.  One of you just needs to lighten up & learn how to laugh at each other when you're bitchy.

Answer 6

What do you want your daughter to grow up seeing?

I thought I would never be able to be around my ex but now we sit together, with his wife , at school functions and celebrate the kids birthdays at my house instead of spliting the day. Good thing too, my daughter just had a terrible accident and surgery and if we had been fighting we wouldn't have been able to solve all the insurance stuff, let alone stand by her hospital bed and offer comfort.

You have to think about your daughter's needs and right to have both parents. It is very hard to stop focusing on your anger and show a united front to her.

Answer 7

You both need to sit down and talk about what is bothering you.  Maybe spend some time alone away from your kid.  It sounds like your both stressed to the max.

Answer 8

Try sitting down and talking with him about everything that you just posted. Tell him that you don't think it's fair or equal that he is allowed to say things to you, but when you tell him how you are feeling he says that you are making him feel bad. Tell him that part of being a couple is being open and honest - if you bottle up all of your feelings inside then things will never be worked out; in fact they will just keep building up. Let him know that you will try to say things to him in a more constructive manner, if he listens to what you have to say without getting upset about it. It's just the way you feel.

Things need to be equal in a relationship; otherwise you feel how you are feeling right now - it's not a matter of being nicer, it's a matter of him just listening to what you have to say. You are probably being so "sassy" with him because you feel you don't ever get to say what you want without him jumping all over you.  

Answer 9

get divorced, you will get along just fine then

Answer 10

Couples counseling. A new baby puts a strain on a couple.  The two of you need to learn how to work together again.