Need help deciding what to do?

Question

Ok well, I was in a long distance thing from like january - august with a girl but she ended it because she was leaving for college and didn't want a relationship. We were close friends for like 8-9 years before we got together. Didn't announce we were dating or tell family & friends, really just a weekend lover so to speak. We did have s*x. The relationship meant a lot to me, I told her I loved her ect, and I was looking forward to taking it to the next step. I think we ruined our friendship. After it ended she told me, if something happens again it does, if it doesn't it doesn't, just don't plan on anything.

Should I just let her have time at college before I start talking to her again? Do you think she still have feelings for me? What should I do to earn her back? Should I just wait till we graduate and can conquer the long distance thing? Should I tell her that's what I want to try to do? I have mix feelings for her, as in I want friendship at times, and move on with another girl, than again I want to be lovers again. But no matter what I want my friend back. What should I be doing? help!

Also, I tried talking to her and I'm getting no interest at all, short answers, so I'm giving her some space for now. Help!

Also:

Alright well when we broke up I was a little mean to her about it, and when I talk to her about the past, she tells me to move on, get over it, it's over and gets mad at me. So sweeping her off her feet right now isn't doable. Any other suggestions?

Answer 1

I think you want some sort of closure. You might write her a letter about your mixed feelings, about wanting your friend back (even if you guys are not lovers anymore). Tell her she does not need to respond, you just wanted her to know all this. This way things will remain "open" in the future, but you can also get on with your life, so does she. Things are never black and white, things may work out in the future may not, but right now it is a waste of time and energy to try to finalize anything.

Answer 2

just give her time she might end up missin u like u miss her she probably just actin like she dnt miss u ...just leave her alone but speak to her.. just dnt talk about wat had happin... then she will think u 4got about it she will wonder... then she mite bring it up... u neva kno how r wat gurls r goin to do

Answer 3

Well, I assume you live in the same town, so just wait til she's back from college, cooled off a bit, and maybe you can pick up the friendship again over the summer even if she doesn't want a relationship. Hope that helps

Answer 4

Shes telling you that she is starting a new life and you should just leave it alone and I know you felt strongly towards her and wanted to take it to the next step but she doesnt want to and you dont want to make a pest of yourself so go out and find some new girls to date and who knows maybe down the line she might say I miss you

Answer 5

You are better off being friends for now & concentrate on your education.At least by being friends you will have her in your life for ever & in the future you just don't know where that friendship may lead.You are best to apologise for being nasty to her when she broke it off & tell her you would rather be friends for life rather than feuding & hating each other over the relationship you once had

Answer 6

I think you were both to blame as far as taking your friendship too far ... it takes two to tango.....you had the 'innocence' of friendship and then moved it a 'relationship' (you don't say who instigated this move) I do think that both you and she have to face the fact that you had an affair and now it's over - you've moved from phase one to phase two and now back to phase one ... except phase one is really phase one and a half - but not quite phase two.... your friend is right you do need to leave the past where it belongs... not necessarily forget it - but certainly stop trying to relive it.... like at the beginning phase two takes two to tango .... I do also wonder if your friend was the instigator of phase two - and in so doing has frightened herself with a vision of committment which she never envisaged..... and so she wants to revert back to the 'innocent' phase one of your friendship.... I think she's being way too naiive (or perhaps selfish) to think that's as easy to do ... and certainly your feelings won't be the same now that you've experienced something deeper - if only for a while ..... it's strange how your relationship - if it was genuine - was a secret.....

It's hard, I know, but you must divorce your feelings and just look to the future independent of each other .... at a later time you guys may be able to laugh about it, or you may decide to forget it and each other, or (as they say) you will find the meaning of the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder....',,,, only time will do that for you .....

Answer 7

Move on.  She does not want a relationship at this point.  Try to win her back as a friend.  Call her and tell her you miss her friendship ask her how you can be friends again. If she needs space give it to her. Ask her to call you when ever she is ready for a friendship.