Need help on how to have my husband speak the truth and open his mind/heart ?

Question

My husband always tells me he has no friends (we have lived in this city for 2 years). Over the last month I have found text messages on my husband cellphone, messages from a lady that he works with every other month. Those messages have not been related to work. Now he doesn't know I check his cellphone. I have also found they talk almost every day, but they are not working at the same place this month so there should be no reason for them to communicate!! Yesterday I heard a "beep" tone from his cellphone and found a message from that lady, she was replying to a message he sent her. I told him to check his cellphone cause he got a message and he said: ok, Ill check it later. Off course he knew it was her replying so I said, you know what, I want to see that message. He said he didn't have to, I said If you don't have anything to hide there should be no problem on showing me that message. ( I knew It was her message cause I saw it!!). Minutes later he said: ok here's the message and I haven't even opened it: he showed me a message from his sister!! somehow he told his sister to text him and he pretended she was the one who texted him earlier but i know she wasn't!!

It don't necessarily think they are in a relationship but they evidently are not just co workers. I don't see a problem on him having friends (girls) but it is a problem that he denies it, he's not open about it. He's hiding it and is making it worst. I have directly or indirectly tried to make him feel confident with me to talk about things and told him that if he has friends (girls) I'm ok with that as long as he tells me. He's still hiding it and I need your help, tell me how can I uncover him, how can I make him talk about it, how can I do to show him he's lying.......anyway....urgent advice, please, this is driving me crazy, specially cause we're going through a very tough time over the past 6 months and this only makes me think he could have had something with her. On the bottom of my heart I think he's just feeling he can talk to her and be confident and found a friend he can trust but it hurts to know he gets closer to her but far from me. It is not right for a married man to hide his friendship with another woman...... Girls....guys.....what can I do? how can I uncover him without he realizing I am able to check his phone?

Answer 1

The bottom line is that he has no business talking to this woman outside of work.

He is obviously a liar and a cheater...

The question is - how long do you intend to live this way?

Answer 2

well, if hubbie is hiding it, he must feel that you wouldn't approve or he's hiding cuz he's doing something else.... at this point, after catching him in a lie, i would bust him. you check his phone, call her and ask or get his phone and text her something inappropriate, see how she responds. then BUST HIM! my man did the same thing, he left his cell one day, i called the B**** and she didn't even know he was married let alone had 5 kids!  

Answer 3

The clues are all there now it all depends on what you want to do with all the clues, either you play the part and ignore them or you address them

Answer 4

Your trust in him has been tarnished, if not destroyed, and until he comes "clean" with the whole affair, you are never going to trust him again. You can't "make" him, and personally I refuse to live like you're living, but that's just me. I refuse to "spy" and try to catch them in the act...if they want to cheat, they can do it without me in the picture.