Need help out of practice!!?

Question

I have forgotten how to handle a child that throws fits. My daughter is 22 now has moved out on her own. My daughter was very easy to handle so I never really had to deal with the tantrums. Her best friend is living with us now and has an 18 month old baby boy. He is adorable but throws terrible tantrums.

I know that when he is tired or hungry that that is a "common behavior" but he throws fits when he does not get his way, piercing screaming fits!! Any thoughts or advice would be great!!

My husband and I have taken in 5 other children (teenagers) over the last 9 years. Just to help the kids out of a bad situation. Sounds strange but I can deal with teenagers and their issues alot easier then I have been able to handle a 2 year old.

Answer 1

If he is not tired or hungry, a good way to stop the tantrum is to divert his attention.  That's what I do anyway with my 18 month old.  My son is sweet natured normally, but he is just starting to show his frustrations with tantrums.  I either let him finish (when we are home) ir divert his attention to something else and he'll forget about the fit he's throwing.  18 months is the age, so I have read, that they begin to understand right and wrong, and this is normal behavior.  They are learning to express themselves.  But, I don't let it get a rise out of me, I keep my voice calm.  

Good luck!  I'm still new at this too, but diversion seems to work the best for us!

Answer 2

I respectfully TOTALLY disagree with some replies here.

Id suggest you select a location in a quiet spot in the house.  When he starts acting out explain to him he will get a time out.  Do this before the tantrum gets out of control.  Walk him down and carefully sit him in the same spot and ask him to calm down.  Walk away and let him work it out for a minute (generally 1 minute for each year they are old) then go back and ask him what you can do to help him be happy.  When he asks you without a tantrum help him to accomplish what he wants.

Sounds very clinical - but it works - and when he knows that a tantrum gets him a time out and asking nicely gets success he will learn how to act in your home ...

... in theory :-)  but it did work very well with my children.

Answer 3

You are in a tough situation since the poor kid will have his bad behavior reinforced when he is with his Dad and Grandma, which will undo some of your good work with him. But some is better than none, so please try!

Either give him a 1 min time out as suggested, or leave the room and give him no attention til the tantrum has stopped. Either approach can be effective.

That is the negative reinforcement. Don't forget to add in the positive reinforcement too though. Whenever he asks nicely for something he can have, respond with a big smile or quick hug and major praise for asking nicely and being calm. And if he wants something he can't have and does NOT throw a tantrum, praise him again " Thank you for being such a calm, well-behaved boy. We love you so much when you act like this."

Good luck. It is very stressful at the time when the tantrum hits! Try to keep your own cool and just realize that the tantrum has so far WORKED for him. When it stops working, he will stop tantruming (except when overtired or hungry - all bets are off then, haha!)

Answer 4

as long as they are not hurting themselves

let them throw their fit and ignore them

it is hard, but they are doing it for attention

so you can't give them any.

Answer 5

dont let them get their way if thats how its supposed to be! the child is spoiled and always gets what he wants, and throws tantrums. juss let him tire himself out, and forget about the situation. after a while they will get used to it. no means no!

Answer 6

I wouldn't let the tantrum get him any attention.  If he see's he isn't getting any reaction, he'll most likely stop.  Try to get his mind on something else.

Answer 7

The best thing to do is just tell him that you won't be paying attention to him while he behaves this way and follow though with it. When he does ask for something nicely or handles things well when he would usually throw a fit make sure to praise him a lot. This technique works wonders with my daughter. The more I praise her the better she is. Even if it is just for sitting and being quite while I was talking to someone else. Be firm and to the point and most of all stay calm. He reflects what he sees in his life and there may have been a lot of yelling in his early life. Show him a better way and see what happens

Answer 8

The best way I found is to let them throw it by themselves! Either put them in time out to do it alone or just walk away no matter if they follow if you dont acknowledge  it then they finally stop an it gets old to them to do that. but if this happens in public you got me my son knows i dont no what to do!

Answer 9

My 16 month old granddaughter is living with me and she has recently started having temper tantrums. She had a checkup last week and they handed us a flyer about dealing with temper tantrums, so apparently it is the age for them. When he does this you need to make sure he's in a safe place where he can't hurt himself with his wild motions. Be calm. Don't react by yelling. Tell him in a calm voice that you will talk to him when he's done. If he tries to hit or bite you, gently grab his hand and tell him he shouldn't do that because it hurts. Once he calms down give him some attention, like, "Hey come here and play with this toy with me." No reaction, no attention, until he stops.

Answer 10

I have a three year old and four year old that has tried many times to pull the same thing. So far the only thing that has worked for me is to put them in their room and close the door behind me, then I hold the handle where they can't come running out right behind me. This usually makes them scream a bit louder and I then explain in a VERY firm voice that if they can't act like a little lady or little gent then they can't come  into the rest of the house.  After about two mins I let go of the door or sooner if they calm down and decide to stop screaming. That doesn't mean they come out of the room after two mins if they are still screaming.  They have to stay in there with the door closed until they stop acting crazy.  I have only had to do this a handful of times.  Now I just have to ask if they need time alone in their room  and they begin to act the correct way. I am trying to get away from "spanking" them because when I did do it, it wasn't always effective.  I hope this helps.