Need help raising a child.?

Question

My older sister put me in charge of raising her son Ellery, for the next 3 years because of family issues going on. And to be honest im horrified because im not good with children. Is there anyone who can give me a few tips on how to be a foster parent to my nephew?

Answer 1

I don't think this question can be answered in one response. There are so many scenarios and techniques for handling the countless issues with raising a child. The best advice I can give you is to keep asking questions about anything you do not understand or are not sure how to handle, as they happen. Learn as you go, I don't think there is any other way of doing anything.

Answer 2

Well, first off, let me say good on you for stepping up to the plate and taking on your nephew.  Whatever is going on in your sister's life that she can't be 100% there for her son, she is smart to realize it and leave him in the care of family, which is SO important.  He will feel secure in knowing he is with his family...and won't end up in some stranger's home in a fostering situation!!

Caring for children really isn't as hard as it seems, talk to your sister, she is the best resource.  She is, after all, his mother, and knows him best.  She will undoubtedly do all she can to prepare you before she leaves you fully in charge.  

Just sit down, write down all of your fears and concerns, and show them to her.  You will want to make sure that you work out everything WITH HER.  She should be able to allay any fears and concerns you have.

Will she be completely inaccessible to you while you're caring for him?  Probably not, I imagine you should at least be able to reach her by phone if something comes up, so don't worry.  Is your mother nearby?  Do you have other sisters, aunts, cousins, close friends?  Ge a good support network in place.

No matter what, just work with your sister closely before you take over care of your nephew, spend a lot of time with the two of them, see how she cares for him and get a feel for the things he likes, the foods he likes and the activities he enjoys.  Have her write down his schedule, if he has one.

OH...One thing to make SURE you have in place is her insurance information (if she has it) and have her give you authorization to bring him in for medical treatments/procedures, etc.  In the event that she is not able to do this herself, while he is in your care, this is VERY important.  They will need her to authorize you to do this! Also with the schools, if he's of school age, she will have to make sure they know you are caring for him, and are the designated person to make decisions on her behalf!

Ugh.  I hope I'm not forgetting anything, but of course as things come up, you can work them out with your sister.  And she'll probably have a good plan in place too.

In time (probably no time at all) the two of you will fall into a rhythym of your own and you will be having a great time...chances are, the three years will be up and you'll be sad to send him back to mommy.

Relax and enjoy this special time with your nephew...he will love you for it, and your sister will appreciate it very much.

And don't worry!  The fact that she chose you must mean that she trusts you and thinks very highly of you.  To put her trust in you to care for her child is no light matter!

Answer 3

The only advice I can give you is to check into some parenting classes. Before my first child was born I took a class. It helped me a great deal. Theres also a lot of information on several web sites.

If Ellery is a baby or toddler you may check out Huggies website linked below.

http://www.huggieshappybaby.com/info/lib...

http://parenting.families.com/blog/choos...

Answer 4

You are horrified - I should think so. Your question horrifies me!  How can your sister just dump a child on you - Ellery is a person, not an inconvenient parcel.

Did you agree to take on Ellery's care?  How old is the child?  How does your sister know that the 'family issues  ' will be resolved in 3 years time?  Are you then supposed to just say "Ok.  Lovely." and hand this poor child back? My heart aches for him.

On a practical note, why not contact your local social services office?  They WON'T automatically remove Ellery, so don't panic, but they will be able to point you in the direction of some help.  The interest of the child is paramount - not the interests of you or your sister - so they will help you decide what's best for him.

Sounds like your sister needs help, too.

Answer 5

You didn't say how old he is, so I can't give you any age specific examples.

However, the first and foremost important thing a parent can do is love and listen.  Even a young child will speak to you.  They just don't use words to convey what they need.

Answer 6

I am sure that you are a good person. first of all don't let him get away with nothing. be a little strict but let him have down time and some time to himself. he needs to learn about homework and stuff like that. if hes not in school yet you can just relate and point him in the correct place. yes, no and make sure that you never give in when hes wrong make it so. there is time out now and not spanking which i think is plus take care.

Answer 7

Whatever the age of your nephew, he is going to go through a separation and a rebonding process. I have listed some great sites that describe what a lot of kids go through and what you, as the new parent need to do, to make this process as smooth as possible.

Time, patience, love and more patience are essential. As big an ordeal as it will be for you, imagine what he will be feeling and try to be there as much as possible. Get a good support network around you, family and friends who are willing to help and see you through the tough times.

I suggest taking a couple of months to be full time carer and even if he is school age - talk to your local school about providing some home-schooling for that period. It is more important at this stage for you to bond as parent and child and the separation that school brings will only prolong that process.

Be a parent with your whole heart. Your sister obviously trusts that you are the best choice as surrogate parent for her son. Trust yourself. Becoming a parent for the first time is a big thing - every parent has doubts about their ability. Give yourself a chance - you might surprise yourself. You have the opportunity to shape a child's life for the better.

I wish you all the best. Take a look at the websites below and remember to be patient with yourself and with Ellery. Don't be afraid to ask for help from other family members and friends who also have children. There are also some great books that you could read to prepare. One of the best books I have read regarding boys is: 'Bringing up Boys' by Dr James Dobson.

God bless you in this new adventure as a mother.