Need help with 11 year old child with Autism?!?

Question

Ok.....so I've never worked with anyone with a disability and I am taking care of an 11 year old boy in the community. He has autism and I really don't understand the best way to deal with him. He plays with buttons in my car and I ask him politely to stop and he does so I say Thanks and then 2 minutes later he is doing it again. This happened probably 30 times today! Is it that he doesn't remember he isn't supposed to or just acting up? He also runs away from me in stores if we need to leave and is very loud and disruptive of other people. My job duties are to help his social skills so we pretty much HAVE to be around other people but I don't know how to help him be not disruptive and rude to everybody else along with not embarassing me. Please help, I need advice, this is wearing me out!!! PS----he is very interested in video games and he needs to do other things, how can we limit video game times and do other things when he has a tantrum if you take him away from the games?

Answer 1

first of all why did this parent pick you to  care for his/her child.? UNDERSTANDING,PATIENCE,AND AN ATTITUDE OF NOT CARRING WHAT STRANGERS THINK  is a must. Readers Digest version of Autism.SENSORY OVERLOAD! k***s are not k***s to these sweet children they are something to figure out, possiably destroy and in most cases annoy. Autistic people have no need for "things,objects" like we do. Tantrums are there ONLY WAY  of dealing with the world. Take a step back and for the whole day adhere to there daily routine/rituals and just watch only entervene when safety is a factor. he is not nessicarly forgetful its that what you just said to him no longer pertains to the now. Video games is his time to reboot. there needs to be strict playing times and this will take lots and lots of reenforcement and love on all parts. unfortunatly just when a routine is just that these kids have like to throw a kink in it. My son is 8 and has never uttered a single word i get dissgusting looks from strangers all the time im called a bad mother , my son is Severly Autistic and Mentally Retarded. He will never be potty trained. I have never given up hope i just pick my battels realistacly.  Being social and teaching this is two different things you first need to be social with each other. then put him in a social situation, the park,and only for 5 to 10 min. Just getting him ready to go to the car is social for him, you have to touch him when you put the seat belt on etc. anything or anyone added to his world is a social experience for him.

Answer 2

THis is a situation that really could use someone with a background in autism and possibly behavior modification.  It does not sound as if you have had the experience the situation calls for so that leaves you with really only two options, do a lot of learning and know that working with this child will be extremely frustrating at times and filled with tantrums and acting out or tell the parents you are not able to meet the child's needs and give notice.  I will be honest..the parents hired someone with no understanding of the situation, sounds as if they themselves do not a behavior plan in place at home and are expecting a lot...I would give my notice.  As both the parent of a child with autism and a former nanny, if the parents have not set up limitations and come up with a plan that works in the home, it will be virtually impossible for you to do so.  Also, the child is 11, has been able to run off from you and, if he has tantrums, could easily hurt someone who is not trained in how to physically handle him in that situation.  You don't mention personal care issues, but if he has problems with the toilet or shower, it would be far better for him to have a male working with him (on several levels).  Talk with the parents...be completely honest...see if they have any ideas..but be firm in that you are overwhelmed and that without more guidance you simply will have to quit.

Answer 3

The best  way is to break his routines and go against him and say if you do this for a x amount of time then you get to play video games.

Answer 4

You don't mention his level of ability, but from what I'm reading I have a picture. He really isn't acting up just to embarrass you. I will say if you are going to teach him social skills, you have to get past the embarrassment. if all the work you do is tainted by that, he will not be learning fully. He's not being rude, he is just being who he IS. Your job is to train him to do otherwise. Now, on to your statements (and being honest, not snarky)

One, you asked him to stop and he did. You didn't tell him not to start again. Kids with autism are often very literal. They will not read meaning into your statement, they will take it ALL at face value. He might not remember that you asked him to stop, but it is mostly possible that you did not say "This is not a toy, we don't play with it". Also, don't beat around the bush, it's not mean to say "Leave that alone." polite doesn't always work, too many words with obscure meanings! Two, kids with autism need to fidget a LOT. So provide him with something that is okay to fidget with than the buttons. Get a squeezie ball to keep in between the seats or something that he will ALWAYS get in the car. Dependability will get you further than anything else.

On the running away, he is probably upset to change venues. Are you giving him warnings "We're going to do x, y and z, and then we'll leave"? Again, with the predictability. If he doesn't know what to expect, then every moment is the rest of his life. Kids with autism often have a hard time with time line continuation and scheduling. Visual schedules are a huge help.

Loud and disruptive, that will take a LOT of reminders. Preteens in general are loud and disruptive, I know dozens that interrupt people and are neurotypical. My 12 yo with aspergers does much the same. Kids do that. Create a warning system so that he is reminded BEFORE the behavior happens. Doing so afterwards creates a negative cycle and reinforces the behavior (even if negatively) Reward constantly for good behavior.

Kids with autism often do not make the right association between action and consequence, so the idea of punishment can really really backfire. They might associate it with the color of the walls. They might associate it with what they were wearing. They likely will not associate it with their behavior, because they don't see anything wrong with their behavior. There is not that theory of mind, that they know how their behavior affects others.

I really think you should have a professional working on social skills with you. One, it seems like you aren't aware of what exactly he is capable of, and two, it seems like no one has broken down the steps necessary to learn the social skills. There are dozens of tiny steps, and if they aren't taught, the entire system isn't going to work, kwim? Before you go out with him, you should be practicing what you will do, and what you will say, what he will do and what he will say. You should visit the same store over and over again, until it's successful. Try to get the same clerk, look at the same thing. Get a friend to meet you there so he can practice friendly greetings with someone who can react predictably (you can't count on strangers to do that) It will be VERY scripted. But once that script is mastered, then you can tweak it and adjust it for other situations, other people.

Video games, visual timer. He should be able to play for a predictable REASONABLE amount of time. Lots of people limit it to ten minutes, but for most video games, there are problems to solve and the time needed varies from game to game, from level to level. Watch him play some. Play with him. Figure out how long is necessary to complete a task in the game, ASK him how long he needs to finish the next level and say, "well, after that we have three things we need to do, and if those are done well, we'll play again for another level/another half hour"

This is SOOO long, and I'm sorry, but autism isn't easy and there aren't any cut and dry answers. For that I'm sorry. But I tried to address your main concerns although I have probably another dozen things I'd want to say. Let me know if you need any more details on what I did say. GOOD LUCK and God Bless. This is awesome work, and when they make progress it feels GREAT.

Answer 5

Are you a caregiver, a teacher, or what? Whatever you are, your job duties is to help his social skills. But you don't know how?

Where did you get your training? Didn't you get proper training for the job you are doing?

If you don't know what to do, ask the person in charge over you. It is their responsibilty to make sure you know how to do your job.

Answer 6

it sounds like you have taken on more than you can handle and his parents may need to hire someone with more experiance with children with autism, but if you want to continue working with him, talk to his parents about his likes and dislikes and do some research on autism with books,talking to professionals etc... but if you feel you cant deal with this, its okay to walk away from this job and prepare you self for the next job that comes around such as this one.

Answer 7

Believe me, I know what it's like. My BROTHER has autism, and a bunch of other junk. But all I can tell you is this: be stern, know when to quit, and have LOTS OF CONSEQUENCES.

Answer 8

As already stated,most people with autism are VERY  literal so be cautious how you tell him not to do something,you may not even realize what you are saying.Also you have to find out WHY he is doing a behavior.Like with the buttons in your car,does he just love pressing buttons? Then offer an alternative,something he can hold with buttons on it that it is ok for him to press.(You always have to have an alterantive to a behavior you are trying to stop,you just can't say don't do it.) But back to why he may be pressing the buttons.Your radio or heater may be making a noise,so low you don't even hear it, or you are just used to ,that is driving him nuts,and he is pressing the buttons to stop it.Or it may be,the first time he was in your car,he pressed button A,then C,then B,so for him and his need for routine(and they do NEED their routine,especially when starting with a new person) he may HAVE to press A then C then B,or to him,his world will fall apart.It really is so complicated in some ways,yet if you get to know him and really become observant,like a detective almost,it can be simplified.Not easy but simplified.As far as being out with him ,I would suggest you start out slow,and not alone,if possible.(Having someone to observe you with him can be very helpful.Sometimes when you are in the thick of things,you don't realize why certain things may have gone the way they did.)Start out somewhere like a library,that is quiet, and work your way up to a more crowded location.Definilty get some restraint training,you may need it.And if you embarrass easy,its not the job for you.People are ignorant,and will give you dirty looks and/or comments.I know some people make cards,explaining, " the child has autism,please be understanding" ,or something to that effect.It may help you to do something like that.I just tried to get a tougher outer skin to people who didn't know what I was dealing with.Talk to his parents.They should be able to provide you with helpful information, things they already know effect their son.Like I mentioned,the sounds of the heater,or maybe he is sensitive to smells and you shouldn't wear perfume,some kids can't handle fluorescent lights,some don't like to be touched or have people too close to them.All this will help you learn how to deal with this boy.If you put in the time,and are able to help him,it will be so rewarding for both of you.Good Luck!

Answer 9

This is my first time on this particular ask/answer website.      I felt the need to join after reading your question.................. Let me first start by saying, Good Job!!!  You began helping  this child the moment you asked this question, rather then giving up on him. Welcome to the beginning of an exciting  journey. I have to be honest and let you know as much as the journey can be fun and exciting, there will be many challenges along the way. I encourage you to do the best you can and be as optimistic as possible... Hope exists within the minds that believe in it! Ok, now I understand that your "job duties" are to help him with his social skills. Let's first rephrase that to "the ultimate or longterm goal; is to stregthen/improve his social skills".                                            Okay, in order to start we need to bring it back to the basics! Since you have never worked with anyone with a disability, you will need to do some homework. There is a lot to know about autism (you don't need to know it all just need to become familiar with it to help). Each individual with autism or related disorder is effected differently. There are a lot of ways to obtain info. and learn about autism. The primary source of information is the family. Other useful sources are the internet and the library. Prior to working with this child on his ultimate goal, there are other goals that need priority. I understand this is all new to you, so please do not be overwhelmed by this information and instead refer to it as a tool. Please note other tools that are also very important; a caring person, willingness, patience,  persistance, time and teamwork too... I  also understand if this is your job, you might feel as though you are under a time restraint to reach your goal. Although it is important to work within the time-frame, if the goal hasn't been met, the child still needs the help! Remember you are never alone. If there isn't another individual such as a Licensed Therapist, Behavior Specialist, etc, discuss with agency and/or explore with the family . If there are other individuals (proffesionals) working with this child, then there is a team. Please know the more you keep in contact with your team members, the easier it will be to reach your goal. When you are with the child, during              (if possible),or immediately after and so on....have a pocket sized note book to take notes of what happened that day with him. When you are doing research, research the behaivors you noticed when you OBSERVED him. Begin to help this child through things he likes to do (other than video games). I know this is one of your questions. If the child is able to  verbally communicate, ask him or his parents, even observe any types of games and toys he has in the home. The video games at times and used appropriately can be used as a reward for good behavior. The visits to various places in the public may continue to embarass you for awhile. In time and the more you become involved with the child achieving his goals, the less you will notice others!  In other words, you will be so  focused on the child and yourself, you won't care who is looking at what, but that the child is learning. Remember you are trying to help this child. Within your research, you will find and understand the 'why' for these behaviors. The child wouldn't have the goal, if he didn't need to learn. If you are  providing an appropriate behavior intervention, in public and people begin to stare because of the child creating a scene.....continue to do the right thing and ignore them! Remember you know you are there to help and teach him, only those who don't understand or know will be looking! Once again, nothing is easy and there will be challenges along the way. If and when possible try to Keep It Simple, it will help the both of you. Please keep in mind this is a change and a challenge for the both of you. Remember you are not alone and neither is he; you are both members of the same team. I wish you lots of luck. If you need to be encouraged, reminded or to stay focused, save this and read it during your journey. We can learn a lot from any child, with or without a disability just look and listen. Oh, and don't forget to have fun along the way, after all they do know how to have fun through play! Now you can do it....go tackle those goals together!  Go Team Go!!!!!