Need help with 9 year old has anyone got any advise?

Question

the last few mnths i found that my daughter is changing not for the better mind.ive tried everything from grounding to taking away things from her ie pocket money etc.shes also getting a bit of a mouth on her especially towards her younger sister and the things she says to her i find unacceptable like she wishes that her sister was dead and that her sister is fat and ugly.i dont want her sister to develop apperance issues as she is only six and when i speak to her about it she just says "well she is" im at the end of my rope can anyone help

Answer 1

Hi, Being a teenager not so long ago (im 23 now). I remember watching my older brother change almost over night and get cheeky moody etc.. I remember praying that I wouldnt turn out like he did.... couple years in the trouble started and its only now im older I realise i went that same way. Her hormones are changing and she may not even realise what changes you are reffering to. In her opinion it is you that has got hard on her. There is no easy way to deal with teenagers (i know have my partners teenager living with us) BUT i do find that rewarding is so much more effective than punishment. Its time to give her some responsibility, and freedom! But dont go letting her get away with picking on younger siblings nor speaking to you with disrespect! for being innapropriate to you or other memebers of the family warn her in advance ask why she has said what she has and explain why it isnt right and that if it happens again she will be loosing something of hers, say mobile phone, computer, tv out of her bedroom etc... and if that doesnt work a grounding to her room will take effect UNTIL the person she was nasty to has had an appology- BUT watch anything like us lot as kids the younger ones soon turn the tables and take great pleasure in getting older brothers and sisters into trouble- it isnt going to be easy and it gets harder but with the right advice you will all come through it the other side once her hormones have settled back down.  Maybe try to spend more one to one with her and try to become her friend WHILST KEEPING your parent role of boundaries that cannot be crossed! shopping trips etc- and one more thing to note is if she is going awol now maybe a short talk about periods and some towels left in a cupboard... best of luck!   if its any consolation i was teenager from h**l - but now i appologise and have 2 children and step children of my own that will do a circle im sure n ill be on the receiving end of it soon enough!

Answer 2

hmmm, well, i would say when you catch her in the act of being rude then she gets a time out. if she does it twice in one day, grounded. if she keeps at it, grounded even longer. dont let her watch tv for the rest of the day if she shoots off her mouth.

you might want to consider having a look at the tv programs and movies she watches, since that may be the source of where she is learning those expressions.

Answer 3

She sounds like she is learning this from someone, perhaps one of her peers. I would check out who she is hanging out with at school. Talk to her and see if you can unearth a reason why she is becoming like this, my niece went through a similar thing with her twin, it turned out after a bit of 'digging' that she was being bullied at school, and so she  took it out of her quieter sister.

Answer 4

Do you have a partner? Sounds to me that you don´t. It´s tough bringing up kids on your own (been there, done that) but you need to be more attentive to her, perhaps as her sister is younger she gets more attention (or big sis thinks she does) Can you arrange for someone to look after your youngest whilst doing something with the older one that she really enjoys (but not shopping etc as this would encourage bad behaviour to develop favouritism) If she enjoys outdoors pursuits, or swimming etc it would be great. Make a point of telling her it's your special time together with her,  and that you will be doing it with the younger one too but she is the baby of the  family and the older one would not be interested in baby stuff anyway!!

Make her feel special and share things with her. It´s hard, I always got criticized for talking to my child like she was an adult, as she answered me back like one, and was sometimes cheeky. However, things will change, but nipping it in the bud is the key to avoiding more problems later. Good luck

Answer 5

It sounds to me that your 9 year old is jealous.Of her younger sister.