Need help with a friend!?

Question

I just found out that my best friend is pregnant by accident, She doesnt want to keep it so she's considering either abortion or adopting. I've been trying to adopt, would it be wrong for me to ask to adopt her kid? I'm totally against abortion, and i dont want the kid to go into an orphanage. Do I ask her?

Answer 1

yes. she would be happy to watch the child grow up with her best friend :]

Answer 2

not a good idea at all. If you want to adopt a baby, that's a great idea but do not adopt the baby of a friend of yours. The fact that you are totally against abortion for whatever reason should be irrelevant if you are trying to help a friend. If she is considering abortion, she will need support and she should look for it from someone who is open to her choice. If she is thinking about adoption as well, that's great. But, she should not choose one over the other because you are against abortion and are interested in saving her kid from going to an orphanage. There are no orphanages in the US and babies can be set up to be adopted before they are even born. Adoption is a wonderful way to create a family under the right circumstances but, you will not be creating the right circumstances by adopting your friend's baby -- at least that's how it truly sounds to me. Try thinking of your friend's need for support right now and not your own need to save her baby from whatever you think.

Answer 3

There are no orphanages in the United States since 1940.

You can support her right to make her own decision, and considering the comment you made about abortion, it would appear you cannot do that.  Therefore, you are not able to give her unconditional support.  And your support if given, may have strings attached, in that you want to adopt the baby.

If you want to be a good friend, tell her you support her either way, and will accompany her to an abortion clinic for counseling, and an adoption agency for counseling -- if those are the two options she is looking at.

You are too close to the matter, in my opinion, to ask her about adoption.  If she later expresses that she wishes she had a close friend or relative to adopt her baby, then you ask.

Answer 4

I would

Answer 5

I don't think it would be wrong at all. Bring it up--gently. Let her think about it. If she knows you've been trying to adopt she might have already thought about it but doesn't want to ask.

If it was me that was pregnant by accident, that would be an ideal solution in my opinion. Good luck.

Answer 6

Penny, anyone who says it is a bad idea is NUTS... Not only should you talk to her about it but I bet it would be a relief to her to know someone is willing to step up and help her during this.   I am sure she is feeling very alone right now and the fact that you are not only her friend but think enough of her to adopt her baby is HUGE!

Best case..... she leans on your though this and ends up being 1 amazing momma!  Stand beside her, offer her the option of you adopting the baby and then allow her to make the decision.  Yes, she may decide to abort or she may decide to keep the baby.  If she keeps the baby the bond you will have with the little dude or chicky will be amazing.  As a God Mother of a child who was going to be aborted I can assure you that even if she keeps it YOU will have an amazing and blessed relationship with this child.

Good Luck Sweetheart.

Answer 7

You need to keep your thoughts off taking her baby.

Seriously.

I know you mean well and have good intentions, it is just that adoption is so easily a coerced decision and part of that coercion comes from family and friends.

What your friend needs most is to be able to come to her own thoughts when it comes to this pregnancy.  If she continues with the pregnancy, then she would next need to address a possible parenting plan and a possible adoption plan.  Seeking counseling to really weigh over her options and what the impact of either choice would be, then she could consider adoptive parents for her child.  But still, that is all just plans.  It wouldn't be until after her baby is born that she would then choose between parenting and relinquishing.

Telling her before she's gotten good counseling about adoption and what the motivations are about considering adoption that you want to adopt her baby is putting the cart before the horse.  It also sets up a great risk of animosity especially if she consequently feels coerced.

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publica...

http://www.openadoption.org/bbetzen/chec...

http://www.openadoptioninsight.org/

http://www.openadoptionsupport.com/

http://www.singlepregnancy.com/

http://www.girl-mom.com/

Answer 8

I would ask her, u could make sure the her baby is with good hands. I hate abortion, it is  cruel. But she could change her mind, when the baby is born. Thats wat happened at the movie sixteen mom. u should watch it, it's on lifetime. Please try to change her mind on the baby. Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 9

it might be a problem if she says yes and than later changes her mind. i think you should adopt from someone who you are not so close with.

Answer 10

I would not ask her, I would wait to be asked, and even then, REALLY think hard about it.  If she is your friend, she likely already knows you want to adopt.  But I think you take a huge risk that this would destroy your friendship in the long run, because she may grow to resent you, and also I couldn't take the pressure of always wondering if she agreed with my parenting choices.  I was once asked by my future step-daughter-in-law if I wanted to adopt her baby.  We wanted a child of our own so badly, but I had to step back and try to see down the road how this could affect us.  What her personality was (and is!) and what possible repercussions that could happen.  (I can't tell you how hard that was, but I had to 'take my hands off' the situation and just 'let it be'.)  I gave my opinion, that I was absolutely opposed to abortion and supported any decision for adoption, but she made the final decision.  So will your friend.  (She ended up keeping the baby - she changed her mind anyway.)  I would help her think this out, and with her adoption agency choices if needed, and try to be as objective as you can about this situation.  It will be hard, but you may save yourself a lot of problems down the road.

Answer 11

I would say go for it.  It will take a little bit of time but that is how I got my son.  A friend was pregnant and didn't want him, I started caring for him when she had him and we adopted him shortly thereafter.  She will have to sign her rights away as soon as she has him and if you decide to do this I would get a lawyer as soon as she says yes and get started on any and all paperwork that they say needs to be done.  And the baby will be in your care and after 6 months he will be legally yours.

Answer 12

She would probably be more comfortable giving her child to you someone she knows and cares for as opposed to someone else.  I had an abortion, and If I had knownwhat it was really going to be like, I would have had the baby and put it up for adoption.  It might be hard though seeing as you 2 are friends and seeing the child may bring out her matrnal instinct.  She may want the child back.  Its a tough situation here!

Answer 13

I would, I would love to have that chance too. We have two adopted children, it is great.