Question:

Need help with poem(?)?

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Okay I need help with this, it’s not really a poem; just something I thought sounded creepy.

Well I need help with the last few lines, I don’t like the “He killed his”, “He thought” and “He begged”

I don’t like all the He’s in the beginning of each line, I’d like a different way to say those lines.

I was thinking of calling him “it” or “thing” lol god I don’t know.

Thanks for your time.

Fuzzy Logic:

You are having problems with my logic, most people do.

I have a new term for my logic; it is called “fuzzy logic”.

It is a logic that disturbs my psychiatrist(s), because of its cold, hard simplicity.

It is not filled with “what if”, but with “what is”.

They too can not deny its truthfulness, its perfection; it terrorized them.

Though I’m not a danger to society; they pray and hope no one else thinks like I do.

For if they did, societies would turn in on its self; a new kind of chaos would consume man kind.

I have driven one of my psychiatrists mad; the poor soul.

He killed his entire family, dared to ask me the meaning of life, the universe and everything in it.

He thought I didn’t know, because he didn’t; I told him.

He begged me to take it back, I could not; he killed himself.

You sure you want to know more?

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2 ANSWERS


  1. Mhm! Good, good. You spelled man kind wrong though! *Mankind!!


  2. Wow, that's... really cool. The worst thing I can say is that "fuzzy logic" sounds like a pathetic term in comparison to what it represents, but the story thing is great- I love the descriptions you used here.

    Minor editing- "man kind" is one word- mankind. Sorry, typos bother me. =D

    As far as my suggestions go, you might try something like this:

    Because he didn't know, he thought I wouldn't; but I told him.

    When he implored me "take it back", I couldn't; he took his life instead.

    You sure you want to know the rest?

    I must say, I am impressed by your work.

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