Need help with work problem?

Question

Hi, I need some advice about my job

I have been there for around 6 months now

It is mostly girls..there is this one girl who is older than me and I am drawn to her not in a sexual way but more as a parent figure..I have talked to her before about a few of my problems as I'm not close to my mom and I told her about me being sexually abused which is true..my question is how much should i tell her, should i keep doing it..she is happy enough to let me open to her...but do you think that it will bite me in the bum one day...the feeling she gives towards me is that she wants to protect me..some of the things that I've told her were about me being pregnant and having a miscarriage...a few weeks ago, my friend died in a car crash and I am absolutely lost without her, she has looked after me getting me to write a letter to her explaining how i was feeling, I got her to read it :) she said she felt a bit wrong reading it and I'm now afraid of overloading her, i know it doesn't seem like a big problem but it is to me can anyone share any experiences or good advice ??

How do I tackle this, do I keep talking to her or give her a break or do i ask her how she's feeling?

smart **** comments not appreciated !!

sorry for reposting :)

Answer 1

I had a similar situation in my first job. I was 16 and wanted to leave home as I was unhappy there. I didn't have any friends or anyone to talk to so I latched onto this older girl in my first job and just opened up to her. I even went as far as to write a letter to her and said she was my only friend etc. After this things went a bit wrong and she backed off. I ended up leaving that job because I felt so guilty. We never spoke again after and I've always regretted that. My advice to you would be to try and back off a bit. Don't pressure her too much and just be nice. Talk about other things with her so it is a more relaxed friendship and not just you sharing your troubles. Try and find other people to talk to about your problems so you don't overload this one girl. Friendship is so valuable but also easy to lose. I hope this advice helps you and you can keep your friendship with her.

Answer 2

She sounds like a great listener but I would have to say at times you might want to lay off and just be happy.  It is hard to resist talking when the listener is nice but dumping everything all at one time could damage you and your relationship in the long run...

My suggestion is to be a happy person normally but if you need to talk ask her if she is free to listen that way you are letting her know you are going to get personal...that way she has the chance to let you know if she can or can't....you know what I mean?  

Some people are really nice and care but there are those who could use this information to hurt you....Go slow....slow down....

Answer 3

I think it's great that you've found someone you can confide in and talk to. The problem is whether she likes having a "mother/daughter" relationship with you or whether she would prefer to have a mutual friendship. If you get the feeling that she is becoming overwhelmed by your conversations, perhaps you could try some of the things you mentioned, like getting her to talk about some of her own problems more often and making the relationship more "balanced" if you get what I mean.

The other thing is that she is a work collegue, as well as a friend and as you mentioned, the sensitive things you have shared with her may end up "biting you in the bum" if your friendship dies. I wouldn't worry about that too much though, because nothing you have told her should jeopardise your job.

Keep opening up to her, if you feel it helps, but be aware that she may feel like the relationship has become a one-way street if you don't ask her how shes going every now and then.

All the best.    

Answer 4

Well allow her to tell you how she is feeling and say things like

"o we are always talking about me why dont we talk about you for a change"etc

But if she gives you good advice and you feel better when u have let everything out 2 her its a good thing and keep doing it. But start to think about happier things in life because before u know it 5 or 10 years will go past and ur still stuck with the same things on your mind.

Its hard but you have to move forward and stop procrastinating about the past. Things will pick up

people go through phases  

Answer 5

It sounds like you are having a bad time and I'm sorry for your loss. I went through a similar experience but in the sense that I was very depressed and I wanted someone to talk to. When someone came along I would try and talk to them but felt guilty because it was mostly a one way conversation i.e me to her. What I did was to try and treat everyday like a new day. Try and ignore yesterday and move on. If you are feeling happy, don't try and be sad because you feel you have to. Or vice versa. If you are low, try and talk to your friend about it and accept how you are feeling.

If your friend is happy to let to talk to her, try not to feel guilty if she is offering you help. And you don't have to tell her personal things if you don't want to. Sometimes I have told a friend something personal and I regretted it afterwards so I would suggest thinking it through before you share something personal. But I think it is good that you are sharing and she is supporting you. Writing your thoughts down is a good way of dealing with them. Also, have you considered seeking professional help. Just having a long conversation is good and they can help you deal with it all.

I hope that helps a bit. I'm not sure it makes sense though!

Answer 6

i don't see a problem with you sharing with her. We all need someone that we can trust and have a shoulder to cry on from time to time. I don't think you're overloading her, or else, she might mention it, or let you know about it nonverbally. she seems like a good friend... but if it would make you comfortable, ask her straight.  

Answer 7

you should keep these sorts of things between you and your family... because friends come and go but family will always be there for you. Just make sure that you dont tell her too much because one day she might not be your friend anymore... and telling your mum will be the best  option.

Answer 8

Honey, you have a connection with this lady which is good, and obviously she too has a connection with you as well, try and limit it a bit to what you tell, as you don't wish to over burden her and push her away, turn it around a bit by saying / asking about her life etc.

You always have us to write to!!  ok.

Keep that chin up. and good luck honey.

Answer 9

First, I am sorry for your loss.  My sincerest condolences.  

Seeking out a support system is a wise thing to do.  If you have fears that you may be overloading your new friend (and you've only known her for 6 months) you should heed those feelings.  Our "feelings" are often subtle perceptions of the situation and you should trust your gut.  

You need to remember that this is your job and that these people are coworkers.  I realize this sounds like a manager talking but understand that overloading your coworkers with personal problems can prompt your manager to let you go if it impacts others.  You don't want to have to deal with job performance issues too!

You appreciate your friend's support and you should let her know that.  You also appreciate her time and you don't want to be a bother to her; let her know that too.  

If you feel like you need help getting through your grief over your friend and other issues, you could talk to your manager to see if the company offers any assistance.  Some companies have services or can refer you to one.  Reach out to others (friends, moreso than coworkers), try doing something for someone else in need.  

You've suffered some substantial life issues but you have to try to be positive and move forward.  

-saf