Need more advice, my best friend is living with us and she just told me she's pregnant. We're 16 years old.

Question

Ok. it is a very long story. so stick with me please. I met my best friends in 6th grade. Luann, Rianna, and Mason (i changed the names). We were together through everything. My alcoholic dad leaving our family, Luann's mom's death, everything. we called ourselves 3 chicks and a dude. Mason's family was catholic, but the rest of us weren't very religious. then, in 8th grade, Luann's dad married my mom. and we became "sisters". the start of high school, the 3 of us girls went wild. we were stupid and immature, you name it. we got involved with drugs, alcohol, s*x, smoking, witchcraft, everything horrible. while Mason was the good kid who stuck by our side while we ruined our lives. then last Jan, Luann became a Christian. and declared her party life over. i hated her guts, but she didn't budge. and i found myself not having fun anymore. i became a Christian about a month ago. but i still struggle somewhat with an alcohol addiction, and Luann still struggles with a nicotene addiction (but at least hers is legal while she's trying to quit since she turned 18 last month). i'll be 17 in a few months, Rianna will be 17 in a few days, and mason turned 17 in march (we will all be seniors in a few weeks). anyway. Rianna is still going strong on the drugs and drinking. her parents are losers. they hate each other and her and tell her that every day. if her mom tells her not to do something, her dad will tell her to do it just to ger her mom riled up. her dad hits her when he gets mad and 2 weeks ago her mom kicked her out. she's been living with our family since then. Luann and her do NOT get along at all anymore. they fight constantly about everything. mostly how Rianna doesn't follow our parents rules, etc. but Ri's been sick every morning this week, and wed. night she told me she thinks she's pregnant (and she doesn't know who the daddy is). she wants to get an abortion, so she can just cont. on in her party life. i was stupid and promised i wouldn't tell anyone. but i have to do something, tell someone. i don't know what to do. only me and her know. i don't want her to get an abortion, but she can't raise a kid. and if she has the baby, it will most likely have a disorder because of her drinking, etc.

should i tell my parents, or Luann, or keep my mouth shut, just HELP. i really don't want to tell on her, but she's not gonna tell anyone. oh god.........what do i do? i'm stuck.

Answer 1

Trust between friends is sacred. Although your friend is misguided and doesn't hold the same values as you or your other friends, don't betray her trust. The other thing is, you don't know if she definitely is prego. I personally have never betrayed anything my friends have confided to me. the only time I ever would is if they were about to do some serious harm to themselves or harm to others.

Okay....as an outsider, this is how I see it. If she is pregnant, despite your beliefs, whether she wants an abortion or not is her choice and her choice alone. I absolutely agree that she is not ready to raise or support a child based on what you've mentioned. The other alternative to abortion is adoption, but her dependency may cause severe complications with the baby both mentally and physically.

As her friend and being that she has confided in you, I would sit down with her and have a heart to heart. Let her know that you're thankful for her trust and as her friend you want to help her through this. I would first suggest (since she's under 18) to go with her to a Planned Parenthood clinic to get checked out by a doctor. It's important to make sure that she definitely is pregnant and that she's healthy. I believe the visit is free, but call to make sure.

Once you've done that and whether she is or isn't pregnant, when you feel it's the right time, I would talk to her about her addiction. You can relate because you admit yourself you drink to much. Maybe this is a time when the two of you can work together and support each other in recovery of your addiction. You mention you are Christian and your friend/sister is as well and certainly doesn't get along with Ri. I think that may be because Luann only see's thing in black and white. there is nothing wrong with having faith, but maybe her approach comes off as degrading and leave's Ri feeling worthless. Approach her as her friend setting aside your beliefs.

So, with all that said.....don't tell anyone right now. Make sure she is pregnant. If she is and decides that she wants an abortion, then you need to talk to her about telling your parents (since her's are losers). She would need a guardian to go with her. Some people may disagree with what I have to say, but your friend sounds like she can't trust anyone...even her own blood. That in itself is heart wrenching. She trusts and values your friendship, don't betray that. She needs something to believe in and that obviously is you. Betraying her trust may only make things worse for her.

We all do stupid things when we were younger. Life throws us curve balls, and I truly believe they are lessons that we learn from.

I hope this helped in some small way, but this is only my opinion. I hope everything works out for the best....I wish you and your friend all the best!

Answer 2

hey.. you guys must be going through a lot. I definetely think she should get an abortion! Shes too young to take care of the baby. Plus, the baby will most likely have a disorder. She won't be able to have a normal life if she keeps the baby. And she will not be able to be a mother at 16. If she wants to give it up for adoption, all the parents will find out because her stomach will grow. And even though she probably doesn't care about the baby, she might not want to give her baby to some parents she doesn't know. So I think she should have an abortion as quickly as possible. Best of Luck and love.

Answer 3

You promised to not tell anyone.  That is her job to tell others if she wants them to know.  This is such a private issue.  She trusted in you to keep it to yourself.  At this point in her life she probably doesn't trust too many people...so, let her keep your trust.  If she wants to have an abortion then all you can do is be supportive.  I am not for abortion but it sounds like it might be a good idea for her (alcohol, who the father is, etc...).  A prent's consent is not necessary to have an abortion.  So, there is no need to tell anyone else.

Good luck!

P.S.  if you do tell anyone her life can be at stake...her abusive parents or maybe she will go nuts knowing she can no longer trust anyone.

Answer 4

you need to tell Luann as she is a Christian and so are you. You both can help your friend through this. But first buy a home pregnancy test to be sure if she is pregnant. good luck!

Answer 5

i would tell your parents. she needs some help :( sorry to hear about that, thats scary  

Answer 6

ok, right now. you hurting her feelings by telling doesn't matter. you need to tell her to tell your parents, since hers are losers, and if she doesn't, you need to tell them. not luann, no one else, except your parents. and they will get her help. more is at stake here than not keeping a promise. her and her baby need help. and you need to be her best friend and give it to her. she'll hate you now, but thank you later.

good luck.

Answer 7

okay..i think you need to let and adult know what is going on..because sooner or later things will get worse...either way if you tell someone now or later its not going to be easy..tell Rianna that you cant keep a secret like that bottled up inside of you knowing that she is pregnant and is still using drugs and drinking and what not...she needs to know that if she might keep it that,that baby is a living thing inside of her and she has to take care of it and not abuse it with alcohol and drugs...if she gets and abortion that is her choice and really you cant change someones mind..so write a letter to your parents letting them know whats going on and things will hopefully get better for you.

Answer 8

i know you care a lot for your friend, but i think that for the sake of not ruining a life of an unborn child, is to for her to get an abortion. first of all she should take a pregnancy test. there could be false negatives, but very rarely are there false positives. so if she's positive, she needs to go to the doctor. i don't want to scare you but if there is something wrong with the pregnancy which happens, it could be life threatening to your friend. that's why women who suspect they are pregnant need to go to the doctor. If she's not ready to be a mother, and you believe there may be problems with this baby because of your friend's drinking, does she want to be a mom of a sick child who will need constant medical care? and if she wants to put up the kid for adoption, who would want to adopt this child if he/she is sick? this child will have a terrible life. does she want that?

maybe if she can't tell her parents, tell your parents - or your mom or older sibling. Trust me, someone older will have more life experience in these situations that you may think and would help to guide her in the right direction.