Need relationship advise before it's too late..?

Question

Ok, so my fiancé kicks me out of the house two months ago. Two weeks later she has our baby boy. We start talking again, and feel it’s best to reconcile. We had different views and philosophies on many things. We’ve talked the last two months, dated and had great times. We really felt the reconnection. I still live in an apt and she has the house we shared. We spoke of timelines in which we would live together again and I agreed to them. The biggest issue is that she is feeling guilty of the divorce she got due to our affair. She wants our relationship to blossom like a normal one. I agreed to this. I’ve agreed to everything it seems. But, I like it that way. I like her philosophies and believe in her/them. The problem is that her family is dead set against our reconciliation. They feel we are not right for each other. And this leads to her being on the fence each day. We have great days and then her family tells her to be careful etc. She spoke with her brother last night on the issue and then this morning she broke our relationship off again. I told her that if she needed more time and space then she could have it. The conversation was pleasant, not full of anger. She asked if we could still talk, and I advised that it probably wasn’t good. If she anted time and space to get her head straight then talking to me would just cloud her thoughts. I want her in my life. I want to marry her but I can’t have her until she’s ready to be with me 100%. When told her this she started to cry and ended the phone call. Please tell me what I should do. Thanks!

Answer 1

Personally, do you want someone in your life, who cannot make up their own mind about wanting you in their life? You need to back the h**l up and allow her to drift away. Just be a buddy, no s*x, no special attention, nothing but a Great Dad in her eyes. Tell her if she wants more than that in a relationship with you, she simply needs to let you know. STOP BEGGING WHEN SHE IS CLEARLY TOO IMMATURE TO MAKE UP HER OWN MIND. YOU WILL BE A YO-YO FOR HER FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG IF YOU CONTINUE YOUR CURRENT PATH. ONE OF  YOU MUST BE THE ADULT FOR THIS FOR THIS CHILD AND SHE IS NOT. You are leaving something out, as to why the family is warning her so much against you. What did you do to deserve so much distrust?

Answer 2

Well first of all it isn't just you and her you have a child

But not once did you mention him except to say he was born ...Sounds like you two need to get your act together for the sake of the child ...That baby needs a mother and father so gorw up and quit playing around with each others emotions and think about what is best for your baby

Answer 3

Something is said here but I cannot get the thought. There is something going on that is not being said. It is like you only want to hear what you want to hear. It may not matter but what is it about her parents disagreement with you? Is she Hindu and you are not? Provide a little more background.

Answer 4

This is a very stressful and scary time for her. She's just given birth and has all that responsibility on top of everything else, and the hormones, and her relationship is on the rocks. The best thing you can do for both of you is to be there when she needs you, be supportive and loving and help with the baby as much as you can. Show her why she needs you in her life.  

Answer 5

She should learn to keep her family out of her relationships for one!!  families are suppose to be there to support you, not tell you what to do.

Just insist on visits with your son and support him.  You have that right to see him.

may be instead of be doing everything her and her family say, take this time for YOU to have your space to think.

Answer 6

1 above all else right now should be your baby boy.  He needs you in his life whether you're with his mom or not and maybe by showing that you're going to be a great dad to your son, she'll see that your relationship has potential and can work and she'll give it another shot.  The same goes for her family.  Maybe once they see what a good father you can be, it will also change their minds about you as a person.  

Answer 7

If she's feeling that much guilt, she might be wise to see a professional counselor.

Not only for the guilt ~ her family's influence seems to be overly predominant.    As a parent, I recognize and understand the protective feelings we have towards our kids.  I also know that as an adult, my daughter has to make her own choices in life.  

With counseling, your gf can learn to stand on her own two feet, get over the guilt and be ready to move on.

For yourself, I think you've done the right thing.  Hard though it may be, you've got to preserve your own sanity.  Roller coasters are only fun in a designated area.  That area does not include your heart.

When you talk with her next, and you likely will, suggest the counseling.  If there's a willingness to change on her part, much can be accomplished.  If not, you've done the right thing for yourself.

At the very least, you have a baby to consider so there will be communication.  Don't let the  hang-ups in the relationship be taken out on him.  

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Well, you always agree with her and do what she wants. Now you said no and she threw a temper tantrum. She's immature, she doesn't love you and respect you. She kicks you out, you go, she takes you back, you come back, then she talks with the family she break it off again, you agree. She doesn't know if she wants you in your life, but she doesn't want to let go. She used to get what she wants with you because you always agree. Why did she kick you out?

I know what I would do: concentrate my attention on my child and not have any contact with her till she realizes the relationship works both ways and you need to think about your partner's feelings, not only about yourself.

Answer 9

I think you have done exactly the right thing. If she wants to be with you and is committed to that then she is going to have to stand up to her family and let them know that they need to but out of your relationship. If she does this while the two of you are on a break then they can't do any finger pointing and blaming you for "talking her into it". Unfortunately I think you might have to reconcile yourself to the idea that she might not have enough fortitude to follow her own desires and the break might become permanent. But if that happens it is just a sign that the two of you weren't meant to be together.