Need some 'alone' time!! overwhelmed and underpaid lol?

Question

been with my bf a year. he has daughter (6 yrs old), i have my own son( not even 2). My son is with his dad for the summer and im tired. i dont get a break. im with his kid, whom i love. but this is draining me. we have noone to watch her for even an hour, she is getting more and more spoiled. he has custody so we dont get breaks like we do with my son for the odd weekends. I know what i was getting into, but when i met him and even we first got our place she was notlike this. this didnt start until her grandma started telling her lies to get me and her daddy to break up.

now she is always on my heels asking what am i doing or why or this and that. wants to always be in the same room as us. i cant even hug him without her being in the middle. i dont want him to choose, thats NOT right, all i ask for is boundaries. but he denies theres a problem.

i told him to spend alone time with her so she can feel that he isnt going anywhere (and this gives me a breather) but he keeps saying nothings wrong!! Im frustrated and i find myself growing very short tempered with her AND him. I am physicall and emotionally tired.

i love them, but damnit it i am fed up! i dont know if im overreacting or if im justified in being overwhelmed. i cant even get away cuz we have to save all our gas for work. he asked me to quit working so we can qualify for housing since we were barely making it. but now i feel like my work was a sort of release for me and now im stuck with a bratty kid and someone who wont listen to me. to top it off his family hates me because we live together and they dont see his daughter as much.

by all means they can see her, but he wont let them cuz they try to tell her thigns about me. i need a break and noone is listening to me. supposed to visit my parents in another state and i know hes upset cuz theres noone to take her to school now or watchher. im tired. Please help. if im being selfish, someone slap me back in reality. =( im at a loss!!!!

Answer 1

Dear Miss Need A Break:

You need to call a family meeting and stat!  Summers are mean't to be fun and carefree, not stuffy and stifling.  I would invite all the "culprits" over and include the 6 year old and tell them all constructively how you feel.  Your bf is blowing you off because he does not want to deal with the issues.  Too bad!  Cry me a river.  And under no circumstances should you resort to leaving your job for "housing"--times are not getting any easier and if the economy keeps going in the direction it has been with the prices of fuel and food, there won't be public programs like housing.  If you are able to work, work!

Back to your bf, should you decide not to call the family meeting, I would give him a stiff ultimatum--either he checks his family and gets a better handle on his 6 year old, or you walk!  Your son is somewhere safe enjoying his summer and realistically had you not had this particular bf you could be on a beach somewhere!

Girlfriend, don't be afraid to put your foot down...because that 6 year old will be 16 one day and she'll be telling you how you can't tell her what to do because you are not her real mommy--please stand your ground, you deserve to be loved and respected and begin to evaluate this relationship--do you want a husband whose family disrespects you when you feed and spend time with their granddaughter when her own biological mother won't?

Wake up!!

Answer 2

First of all,  don't quit your job.  She will be in school and your break will come there. In the event you throw in the towel you will still have your job. You are a good person overwhelmed with someone else's responsibilities, you know how you feel about him and it is your life too.What ever you do it will be the right thing. If his people are so concerned about the child they wouldn't be back stabbing through the kid.Tough choices, but you are sharp and your heart knows the right thing to do.

Answer 3

Sooo, why are you with this guy?  Can you see your future here?  You are the low one on the totem pole, hon.  He comes first, and his daughter comes first, and you don't seem to rate at all.  Are you being selfish?  NO - But HE IS.  Read what you wrote: I am STUCK with a bratty kid, he won't listen to me, his family hates me.  It won't get any better - because all these issues are UP TO HIM to resolve and he WON'T do it.  I think that besides being tired...you are tired of him.  Don't give him an ultimatum...just leave.  Make a life for you and your son who will be coming home soon.  I can just imagine what your son will have to endure with that bratty child running the household.  You don't need this garbage in your life, dear.  There are plenty of fish in the ocean and I am sure that you do not have to be so desparate as to settle for this one.  Even if you love him, his treatment of you is horrible, and you WILL begin to RESENT him.