Need some advice about a lying Husband?

Question

My Husband is a compulsive liar. His Mother was a stuck up ***** who never showed affection and shrugged him off to his grandparents. I do feel for him having a Mum like this, he has said this is the reason he lies. I really did have a terrible childhood, I was betrayed by both parents and I have never trusted anyone 100%. I was badly beaten the works when I was growing up. My Husband is very clingy, I have tried to help him with his self confidence issues, he is a lovely guy but he promised not to lie, he has lied about everything to me, and it has really set me back emotionally, I have bad dreams all the time because of him, I don't trust him. We have a relatively calm and good relationship when we are just pottering about but we so scared of hurting our Boy. The other day he took my cash card, drew out money, then lied about it, said he found the card on the floor. He has since paid back the money, he has his own for a start! We are about to buy a house together. I feel very lonely and torn, I cry so much, about the past, about him, I can't change him and I want to break free, I don't have the courage to go, I hate myself for that. It would shatter him if I left him so I stay because of this, too. I don't have Family who care and I have few friends. I don't really a life right now, I feel lost after losing my baby at 7 months gone. I feel like flying away but this is reality. If you have read this whole thing thank you and any advice would be great, . Thanks

Answer 1

One word - Divorce.

It just doesn't sound worth it. Not once have you said you love him, or he loves you. Just go.

Answer 2

trust has be earned, not given. confront him, even if it hurts him and tell him he has to rebuild your trust. he has to show you that he can be truthfull with you or its not going to work.

Answer 3

  You  should  be  honest  to  your  self  and  ask  your  self  a  question

  should  you  stay  with  him  or  not,If  you  are  not  happy ,why  stick  around  TRUST    is  a  very big   issue  ,You  will  find  your  self  SICK,talk  to  him  and  spill  your  thoughts  or  else  you  will  be  miserable  for  the   rest  of  your  life  and  it  will  make  you  very  sick,or  you can  get  counseling.  I  am  not  a  PRO.  but   I  have  been  through  the  same  situation  and  now  I  am  FREE,It  does  take  a  lot  on  you  if  you  constantly  worrying  about  something  and  it  never  go  away..............make  your  self  happy , no  body  will  but  you...There  someone  out  there  for  you  and  some  times  it  comes  with  a  beautiful  and  caring  FAMILY,the  BOY will  be  fine  and  will  understand .Life  is  good  but  sometimes  you  have  to  make  a  stand  for  YOU  and  your  BOY,Money  is  not  the  issue  here ,You  deserved  what  it  is  you  are  looking  for  ,HONESTY.

You  come  first........

                                    Smile  and  be  happy

                  

Answer 4

My ex-husband is a compulsive liar as well.  I know how you feel, not being able to trust him.  It seems to me that you have signs of depression, and it would be a good idea to go to your GP, he might be able to help with that.

Regarding your husband, the only thing I can tell you is that he will not change.  He grew up this way and is the only way he knows.  I would hold back in the purchase of the house, just for a little while, just until you are feeling better and have a better vision of what your future will be.

I wish you all the luck!

Answer 5

as much as it may hurt u need to get away for a while (go on a holiday by yourself) and set yourself str8 their

Answer 6

My advice young lady is to set yourself free of him, your thinking of others except yourself. You cannot help him, he can only help himself, and for god sakes don't buy a house with him its never to late to stop the process. You need to have the courage to just pack your things and leave, and tell him no more, because i am dieing inside. As for your husband don't worry about him i have a brother in law just like him, and when the wife packed and moved out he just found another women to replace her,remember they are so good at lying he had some big story's to tell his new girlfriends like; i was a perfect husband but she treated me so bad and all the women fell for it hook line and sinker; suckers!

Answer 7

People who are hurting, hurt others.  Find a skilled counselor and get your head screwed on so that it points straight ahead and ask that he do the same.  

Answer 8

pop a cap in his mother f**king head!

Answer 9

I am sorry but i am just not sure on what kind of advice it is your looking for.  but i think that you should really take some time for your self so that you can find yourself and then take it from there.

Answer 10

I see several issues here that need to be dealt with in order for your relationship to stand some chance of surviving.

YOU need to get some counselling to help you come to terms with your past abusive childhood. Your childhood is haunting you today and you need to have some help with dealing with this. (I had mentally and physically abusive step-dad so I have some idea what it's like to be a terrified child). I'm 40 now but had counselling 5 years ago that has helped me bring some closure on my abusive past. I had not realised how much my past was affecting my life. Now I'm stronger from the counselling. That's why I think counselling would help you.

As for your husband I think he is a rat for stealing from you. he cannot blame his childhood on him being a liar! I just don;t buy it! However he would benefit from counselling to help him come to terms with his loveless childhood maybe?

You both need marriage counselling.

I would not buy a house with him at the moment until he gets help and stops lying to you.

Dont hate yourself either.

Answer 11

Therapy, Dear, Therapy. Don't buy a house together until you can trust him. Your boy will be hurt more by your bad relationship. Get help or get out, take care of yourself and your son. He is a grown man and you are a grown woman, take resposibility for now and leave the past where it belongs, behind you. Therapy!!!!

Answer 12

You need to see a counsellor or a psychologist and sort yourself out first.

I saw one for the last couple of years as had quite bad depression and low self esteem (linked to c**p childhood too) and it has helped no end.

You really need to concentrate on you and try not to make your life any harder at the moment.  You could also suggest to him to do the same and do it almost as a joint project, you will either grow together through this or grow apart.

Its not good when their is no trust between you as relationships rely on it and can only fall apart without.

Good luck x

Answer 13

Something you said put up a red flag for me. He has given you an 'excuse' for why he lies... Because of his mother when he was a kid. Time for him to quit being a victim and get some help and become a survivor. You can't change him, be he can change himself.

If he's not willing to get help then you have 2 choices as I see it. Leave or stay and learn to live with him as he is.

Answer 14

Oh bobby,  you really do need to get away.  You need time to reevaluate your situation.  You need to feel secure and the only way you can do this is by having trust.

your husband needs to change his ways .  You need just as much support as he does, and he is being selfish not to realise this.  Unfortunately it is very difficult to get a liar to stop , you just have to learn to live (if you ar prepared to) with having that constant doubt. Because even if you think they have stopped he will occasionally sup rise you with more deceit.

My husband has told so many lies that i have lost count.  But over the years I have caught him out so many times that i think, (think) he has stopped.  But i still doubt things.  I , like you, love him dearly and this is not a good enough reason for me to leave him.  i just find it an insult to my intelligence.   When i look into the lies that he has old they are usually told in order to protect me from the truth.  I hate that.

I think that if you feel you can't go on with him anymore then you have to address that and do something about it.

Apart from your question being based on his lying, something also  leads me to  think that his lying is just a small proportion of what is making you depressed.  You should see your doctor and try to talk things over.  I think you have many issues and his lying is only one of them.

Answer 15

hi bobby, sorry to hear that, i had the same problem with my-exhusband, he was the same way.

do yourself the biggest favour and get out now , while the going is

good .

your friends will tell you the same thing ,



once a compulsive liar always a liar,

i would not trust him , one bit, look after yourself , no-one else will,

look after no1,

if he  has started doing that sort of thing ,then i would be very

careful ,what he is the next thing on his list.

it is hard i know,   but you can do it,

if you , want a free life , then do something about it ,

do not  put up with it any longer .

go and stay with a friend , then , he will not be able to hurt you.

  



  

Answer 16

Not sure what advice you really want here, A lot could be read into it, a lot of sympathy could be offered but really would prefer you to ask a question ?