Need some advice and a kind listening ear.?

Question

Something has happened and I'm feeling a little emotional about it. I'm hoping that I can get your input.

Here's what's happened:

My husband and I are both 27. We moved (because of my husband's job) to another state where I didn't have any family. We established ourselves, got stability, a home, etc. So, this week I found out that I am pregnant. It wasn't planned, but we have both always wanted children and this is a tremendous blessing. We can financially support the child, and it will be appreciated and loved. So, I called my mother to tell her the good news and

Mom: Did you plan this?

Me: No, but we are extremely excited.

Mom: Did you do this because your sister is having a baby.

Me: No. I'm really happy for her. We didn't plan this. It's a gift.

Mom: (silence)

Me: What's wrong. I don't understand why you seem upset.

Mom: Just listening to you.

Me: Okay. I just wanted to share our good news.

Mom: Just let your sister have her day before you go stealing the show.

Me: Why are you being this way.

Mom: I got to go.

(hung up)

So, that was the conversation. I was extremely hurt. I don't even live in the same state as the rest of my family. I wasn't planning on stealing any thunder from my sister. I didn't realize that babies were an attention getting. I just wanted to be happy for me. My sister got pregnant without being married (though they're married now) with no job.. no money.. no house. Yet, I was happy for her and offered her any support she needed. Why can't they be happy for me? She delivers this month, so really it wouldn't be at the same time. We are able to care for and provide for the child.

Am I being to overly emotional about the whole deal?

Did I have a right to be upset?

What should I do now?

My plan is to just deal with my emotions, process, and avoid them. If they can't be supportive, I can't let them stress me out right now. But, I'm not sure that's the right answer either. I'm confused.

Answer 1

I don't blame your confusion.  I would be also.

You have told them about your baby therefore nothing else needs to be said on your part.  Your mother was way out of line.  I would not mention the baby again unless she brings the baby up in a grand motherly loving tone.

Wouldn't it be great if you are having twins?  Wonder what everyone would say to that, that you did it to try to out do your sister?

The reason I said that is my daughter and her in laws do not get along.  My daughter had two boy and one girl her sister in law had three boys but wanted a girl desperately.  Her parents told her that they would pay for the baby if she got pregnant again.  They would pay everything for the baby.  They did not find out if it was a boy or a girl but my daughter heard them talking about what all they were going to do for the baby girl.

The in law's never did anything special for the only granddaughter they had which was my daughter's child.  Well the baby was born and it was a boy.   In he mean time, my daughter got pregnant again and she was blessed with twin boys.  The sister in law was so out done about that, that she will not be in the same room as my daughter and when they go visit them, her sister in law stays away.

Talk about jealousy and she is taking it out on her own niece and nephews.  I don't even think she has seen the twins and they are four months old now.  I do not understand those people at all.   God gives us what he wants us to have, we have no control over it.  So my daughter has a daughter and now twins that the sister in law doesn't have.  The fires will not be put out but they are kept being faned.  She will probably get pregnant again and she is 42 years old.  She has four wonderful little boys why do you think she can't just love them and appreciate them and be thankful for them.  Why can't her mother be?  By the way the mother in law has been to help my daughter with the twins and her other three children but she never bought anything for the twins and showers gifts on her daughter's children and let's my daughter know about it.

So don't feel hurt for you will have your baby and he/she will be so special to you and your husband.  

Answer 2

you have every right to be upset! dont let anyone rain on your parade, you deserve attention too and why not enough love to go around? your mom was wrong but dont let it bring you down, congrats on the baby they are a blessing each and everyone!

Answer 3

Your mum was not very nice there!  I'd be upset too.

Let her cool down for a while.  Don't call her back, she should be the one apologizing.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry for u. But I've got some advice. How about u talk 2 ur mom with that stuff. Talking about it gently and patiently can help the both of u. Or maybe u had a problem w/ ur mom, and ur sister. Say 2 ur mom that she's not being fair. U also need justice. That's the way I cope up w/ my mom. Hope I helped!

Answer 5

First of all, I am truly sorry. I have seen the same sort of behavior with my mother in law. When other relatives announced their engagements when her daughter was engaged and that they were expecting when her daughter was expecting, she said the same exact things your mother said. She actually said they were copy cats and thunder stealers. I actually laughed when she said that. I told her that people get married and pregnant every day. Some people want attention for themselves and their children.

It's sad but some people look at big life events as huge opportunities for attention. Maybe your mom feels that you and your husband have been blessed with a good home and stable jobs, and your sister doesn't have these things so it's her time to shine. Also, maybe she is sad that you moved.

Either way, this is a blessing whether planed or unplanned. Your mother will come around, but I am sorry she didn't give you the response you hoped for. You sound like you have your act together and will be a wonderful mother. :)

Answer 6

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! It is a wonderful blessing from God. Don't let your mom get to you. It will get better. She shouldn't have acted the way she did. She knows that you and your husband are stable and can afford a baby. She could be upset with your sister becasue she isn't in the financial way as you and your hubby. Don't let her attitude bring you down. Be happy for your baby (I know you are) happy momies make happy babies. And like one lady said it could have been a shock and since you don't live close she is thinking about not getting to see the little bundle of joy as much as she would like.

Good Luck to you

Answer 7

u no what? ur rite. ur place is with ur husband and taking care of urself while your carring this precious little gift god has blessed u with. u cant afford 2 be worrying bout ur family rite now. just back off a while let them stew and fret or what ever they want 2 do.  i hope u can get 2 a place  where you can let them go 4 now. this should be the happiest time of ur life. u only get 1 chance, so savour every min. of it. this is a time u will remember the rest of ur life. when ur child is an adult you will want to share with him or her the time before he was born and all the times u enjoyed after he was born. my baby passed away going on 9 mons. ago. but i use to tell him stories of how it was  and how much he was loved what we did 2 him when he was little, like his dad puttin the babys foot in his mouth and michael,[the baby] would just laugh. u know stuff like that. he was 29 when he passed. u know u luv ur parents, but this is ur childs time, and its ur responsibilty 2 be there 4 her or him [ i hope its a girl] hes not in the world yet, but hes in u and he will be here before u know it. ur baby has 2 come 1st. 4 the rest of ur life. but believe me it is a blessing i would do all over again if i could. be strong, god bless .

Answer 8

your mom sounds like the one who is being bratty!! go out and celebrate it is a blessing and you are right!! your mom should be proud of you and thanking God that he has let a little child come into your life!

Answer 9

Gosh honey, this is a tough situation.  I don't want to speak badly of your mother and would not know why she would not share in your happiness.  I am sure she was not prepared for this to happen to your sister and I am sure she is offering alot of financial support if your sister and her husband have no jobs and no way of supporting themselves let alone their baby.  Doesn't excuse her for cutting you off and making you feel less important.  Give it time and concentrate on taking care of yourself and you and hubby start getting that little ones nursery ready and that will be something positive for you to focus on.

If you were my daughter I would be proud of you and your hubby for doing the right thing and waiting til marriage (even if you didn't plan on it happening so soon), at least you have a home and finances in order and that's big!!!!  Being pregnant does put you in an emotional state of mind with those hormones going crazy and you will take things more to heart.  I hope once your mom gets settled down with your sister she will come around for your sake, but if she doesn't be with those that share in your happiness.  It is her loss, and you didn't do anything wrong.  Take care sweetie and congrats to you and hubby.,

Answer 10

You have a right to be hurt, I would be. Did your mother ever favor your sister as a child? Or maybe she feels bad about the situation your sister was in (no money, no house, etc.) and she feels that she needs extra attention to make up for it. I don't know, I'm only 15. Take a little extra time, and after a while, or maybe after your sister has had her baby, talk to your mother about how her words hurt you. It seems like she knows they did. I'm sorry about that :/

and congratulations:)

Answer 11

THAT   IS   d**n  WEIRD

and i feel very sorry for you. I think there are a lot of major problems going on in your sisters life.

I am really really sorry....

Hey dont let them stress you! this will probably all blow over. I would ring up your sister and tell her - but be like

'Sis... i have some good news. Your child is going to have the gift of having a cousin its own age to grow  up with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just found out I am pregnant too!  

once your sister is on your side, then you can be a b*tch to your mother. what a witch she is.  

Answer 12

It's hard to answer this without knowing your family's history...has there always been some sort of competition (real or imagined by your family) ? Could your mom be jealous of the success or one daughter? Seems like you are the one that "did everything right" while the other daughter struggles...maybe mom felt this was one thing that the other daughter could do and now you, the perfect daughter, is also having a baby so now the glory of having the only baby around will have to be shared.

Don't know what to say. I am so sorry that this has dampened your joy, but don't take it to heart...there may be some things going on back home that you don't know about that is stressing your mom out.

Best of luck to you and your new baby!

Answer 13

Your Mother acted very badly,possibly because of the shock. She is probably worried about her girls. You need to talk to her and see if she has got used to the idea. Good luck!

Answer 14

i believe u r not wrong in any way. let ur mom cool down abit. im sure she will come around....