Need some help with what I am writting..?

Question

my story is about a girl that looses her memoirs and her voice. some most of the story is around her and in her thoughts.

My problem is when I am talking about the main character. ' she did this. she did that, or the other people around her are doing this with her. the she and her sound a little repetitive and wondering if someone might know something else I can write. .

Also there are other women in the story that I do not want to confuse the readers.

and example would be.l

Lucy ran over to where she was standing, "are you ok"? Lucy asked. She looked at her, How could she explain to her what she was feeling. The frustration of not being able to talk was making her almost ill.

when I read that I can see where someone might get confused as to whom looked at whom..

Answer 1

I've had that problem too. In the story I'm writing, it's focus is on two characters right now...a guy and a girl...so when it's just focusing on one...it seems weird to just keep saying "She....does this...and that... She...etc etc" cause connecting the sentences doesn't always work.

So one thing I've found is to see if there's a way to word it without using "she"...or if not...not make it the first word in the sentence so it doesn't sound to repetitive...I don't know if your having that problem...cause it looks like you might be...just with the "she" and "her" kinds of things...but when there's more than one person..yeah..you just need to occasionally specify who you're referring to.

Hope that helps.  

Answer 2

You can restructure your sentences to not include the hers and shes. For example:

How could she explain to her what she felt?

to

How could she explain what she felt?

That extra her doesn't need to be there. It's slightly ambiguous because it's unnecessary.

Also you could change it to:

How could she explain what emotions were running about?

Use more descriptive words, and characterize other things. Don't put all the emphasis is every sentence on your main character.

I like the premise of your story, sounds interesting. Keep writing!

Answer 3

she need to speak to your friends and your family and speak really story its good answer

Answer 4

It might help if you put the character's name in some more. Like:

Lucy ran over to where she was standing, "are you ok"? Lucy asked. [insert name] looked at her, How could she explain to her what she was feeling. The frustration of not being able to talk was making her almost ill