Need some nice and serious advice(Really long)?

Question

I have this friend who've I've known and been friends with for 4 years. Anyway 4 years ago I thought he was sending me signals of interest(I was 19 at the time and he was 24) and so I confronted him. He said he sees no future with me but he does really care about me like everyone else. So we stayed friends. Two years ago a month before he left the country for a mission, we'd sit in church and just glare at each other...Everytime my stomach turned into a wirlpool and waterfall his eyes turned completely black and his head drops. A week before he left I told him how much I appreciated him and gave him a hug. I kissed him on the cheek and pulled back and his reaction was priceless. His face was beet red, he had an enormous smile on his face and his blue eyes were now black again. His body was pointed towards mine and he was staring at my shoes. This lasted several seconds. Well the day before he hugged me and I hugged him back, I turned to kiss him on the cheek but before I could he immediately turned his head and all I could see was his lips. His lips were so close to mine that I could have easily touched it. I got scared and froze(I think I spaced out a little) and after several long seconds he jerked his head away. Feeling bad I called him up and apologized. He said he doesn't like kisses but that's fine. He loves hugs. A year after he left and while he was gone I got frusterated and told him to treat me like everyone else or admit his feelings for me or not be my friend at all. When he got back, he treated me like a friend, a close mutual friend. No mixed signals anymore. It feels nice.

By the way I'm now 23 and he's 28 and single with no girlfriend.

Here are my questions:

How do I let him know that if he ever wants to pursue me for real he'll have to be blunt about it? How do I let him know before he leaves again that the door to romance with me is open when he comes back?

Should I tell him that I like the fact he's treating me like everyone else and ask him if he's always treated me like everyone else?

What do you think will happen if I put my hands on the sides of his face and glide my thumbs across his lips like a curtain and then give him a hug?

Answer 1

Since you have the obvious above board approach to letting each other know that you need to be treated like everyone else, I think you both are missing the big picture. Your mutual honesty is not reaching into the relationship as much as you would like to believe. You sound as though you demand upfront honesty in your everyday experience with friends so why are you not doing the same for someone you love? I recommend you kick yourself in the butt, slap yourself in the face and be honest with your feelings, tell him you've denied it but at this time in life you have a need to move beyond the high school syndrome and for better or worse you've fallen in love with him. If he wants to pursue this with you it could lead to an amazing adventure, if not, you would appreciate his honesty and you would always consider him a friend.

To be honest I can't think of anything more discontenting than letting love get away because of some under-rated sign of some other time oath that really doesn't have a place in this matter. Why would you succumb to an unwritten pledge and take the chance of losing when a simple one minute conversation could be an earth shattering positive event in both of your lives. Look at it this way; why give up the love of your life because you were trying over think a friendship rule. If he is really a friend, if you are both really friends you need to step over the self imposed bounds for one moment in life.

Good Luck.    

Answer 2

T_T let him know that while he's gone you've been lonely and that you constantly think of him. tell him you kind of feel hurt that he treats you like everyone else and not as someone special. he will be confused and will think about it so don't force an answer from him right away.

Answer 3

So do you like him?? He seems really sweet, but scared. You will have to be the one to take the first step.

When he said he liked hugs better... he was probably embarrassed and confused you didn't kiss him.

If you want to let him know that the door to romance is open hug for a little too long... maybe make that friendly peck a little.. too friendly.

Only tell him that you like that hes treating you like everyone else if you really do. Don't lie to make him happy.

And there is only one way to find out what would happen... do it.

You need to let HIM know your interested. Maybe just go out and tell him you want to be more than just friends. Give him some time to think about it.

Good luck!!!

Answer 4

You would be better off just plain old telling him that you like him and you want more with him.  Leave the ball in his court and be ready to accept a "no".  It's really been too long to have been playing these love games and you guys could have seriously moved on by now.  You better move before he finally gets a girlfriend.